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Thursday, September 30, 2010

My Solutions Re No Wedding, No Womb

I'm no psychologist, no politician, not even that great of an organizer of people of like mind. But I wanted to write and down and share some of my solutions when it comes to 70% fatherless rate in the black community. Christelyn Karazin introduced this movement last week, it premiered on the internet at the website. Although I may differ with some of the 100+ or so bloggers there on how we got here, I do agree that now that we are here something needs to be done. As I look at my beautiful family, my gorgeous teenaged nieces and handsome young adult nephews I begin to see where the solutions begins. It begins with them, no government, no program, no one can step in for a healthy family system. Those kids all belong to two parents, some still married, some divorced but involved in their upbringing. They belong to me, I don't have kids of my own so I see them as mine and we raise them in the real sense of the village. When people started using that saying, 'it takes a village to raise a child' I think they misunderstood it. In this global world, no one cares for the kids in my family more than my family does, no one ever will. As a child myself, after the death of my father it was my family that kept me and my 3 brothers in line. My mother didn't unduly burden my family with our care and upbringing but boy if my grandfather or grandmother saw me doing something wrong, they were on my ass which meant later own my mom would be too.

My nephews went to high school around the corner from my house and I always warned them that if I saw them in the day walking the street when they should have been in school, I would take my car jump the curb and run them over and then get out to kick their butts. It seems a little extreme but it worked those boys never knew where to expect us so they stayed in school, got good grades in AP and now they are in college. They are ALL in college or on their way (not one being a baby daddy another expectation), there is no other expectation in my family, you will go to college, that's it. So it starts with expectations, if you expect things from children they usually follow through they want to make you proud. If you expect nothing, that's usually what you get, nothing.

I'll be mentoring soon, I can't mentor every lost black child. I can't even mentor some but I have some wisdom I'd like to pass on. I have a friend who's 26 years old and I mentor her, she's now a single mom with a dad who has decided that being jackass to her supersedes being a father to his child. They were married and now divorced, we speak alot about learning a lesson from the choices she made with him so she can make a better choice in men she will seek to share her life with later.

I don't care if people think I'm bougie or middle-class out of touch. I'm very much in touch with seeing the results of not picking wisely in a mate or bed-mate. I think of this as a grass roots effort, I have no interest in condoning an after-school program or another community center for black children who are suffering. That only seems like a way for people to glad hand each other for doing nothing of any real substance. I let my nieces and nephews know how proud I am of them, I encourage them, I give them warnings especially my girls they are young and impressionable and at the age that some boy or man (ugh!) will try to convince them that if they just give up their precious bodies he'll love them forever.

I'm a friend of women younger than me about what it really means when guys try to pull the okey-doke with you. I'm almost forty, I've seen and been through enough that I have some wisdom to share and for those that want to listen I'll share it. I'm not concerned with those that think I'm judging, if you don't do something about your own trifling life your legacy will surely judge you more than I ever could. I got a couple of people I'll can start with and if I pass on my wisdom to them, they'll pass it on to their children and their friends. Not everyone will listen to what I have to say but some will and in this fight I truly believe just saving one more black young man or woman from becoming a baby daddy or baby mama is a success.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I Cannot Defend or Condone Foolishness

I don't blog here regularly, not as much as I'd like but sometimes I have things to say that I'd like the world to possibly see and this is one of those times. A person whose blog I regularly read and comment on started a movement yesterday, No Wedding, No Womb. I think it's great and I should have participated but being the lazy person I am and having a kind of busy life I didn't. I wouldn't call myself jumping on the bandwagon but I wanted to comment on some Twitter tweets she's been getting regaring this movement. You can read the articles on they are compelling and timely. They come from many different sides of the issue but they all want the same thing for out of wedlock rate of pregnancy in the black community to cease, it's at a 70% rate currently which is shameful.

You know as a woman of principle I cannot stand behind and defend or condone foolishness. And the tweets to the person who's started this movement, Christelyn Karazin, have been more than ridiculous, they should be down right criminal. How anyone could defend birthing a child into this world without two parents in stable and loving household (and I don't care if they are hetero and homo-sexual) is just shameful. Children deserve a chance and a good one and having a two parent home with loving parents is a good way to do it. Anyone thinking of laying down with someone else needs to think about that and take precautions if need be. But I also want to say that defending single-parent homes as if it's some kind of viable choice is tantamount to telling people to play Russian roulette with your child's future and you're own life because it's suicide. I know sometimes people make mistakes and those should be forgiven but after one child OOW you shouldn't be having two because at that point it's not a mistake, it's a life choice.