Oh Goodness, I'm Getting Married!

Yes, after meeting a wonderful man about a year ago he got on one knee under the beautiful stars in Puerto Vallarta and asked me to marry him. I am in awe. I never thought I'd ever be married again, it never occurred to me to think it could happen. When my marriage ended, I just figured I'd be lucky if I got a long-term relationship and lived close to to the guy. Last July, I met him, Matt, a quiet, sweet, gentle, funny, romantic man's man. He was everything that I wanted in a man and figured didn't exist but it does. All I can say is I'm blessed, we're blessed to be a part of each other's lives. So, now we start another adventure as a married couple although that will be a little while, we're having a long engagement. This will be my first wedding that I've actually planned and I'm excited that my family, his family and our friends get to enjoy our special day. I know I'm bragging but that's okay I deserve it. It's been a long time coming.

Letting the Crap Go: The Orgasm Edition

I've decided to do a bunch of threads on what I like to call 'letting the crap go' as AA women and women of color most us have been completely programmed by our parents, the community, and the church that not ony is sex bad, it's just sometimes evil. Now, I am a Christian but I know sex was created by God and surprisingly if you read the bible especially Song of Solomon or Song of Songs, it's been created not only for pro-creation but for your pleasure. For some reason black women have two sexual reputations, either we're the freakiest of freaks or totally frigid. Surprisingly most of the black women I know are sexually conservative, myself not included, because their mama said 'good girls don't do this' and 'fast girls do that'. At last, black women are taking back our sexuality and I'm so happy I got mine back. I have overcome some of my own 'sex demons' from childhood. I'm grown and sexy. Now my mom was really open about sex but there were parts I had to be comfortable enough with myself to go for.

That's how we get to the infamous 'O' boy if I have heard it once I've heard it a million times, poor women who have never experienced an orgasm and I just shake my head. I feel bad for the, because there is just nothing like the good ol' 'O' it is not just good, it's freaking awesome. But I don't think a lot of women know that the big 'O' is accomplished via them. Men can help and should help out alot but they can't do it all and the best part is you don't even need a man to get one. I'm so glad I figured it out and just did it. One of the best things I ever discovered is the vibrator, specifically the clit stimulator, what an incredible piece of plastic, best thing since sliced bread.

Ahhh the big 'O', if you find something you think is better you're just not doing it right.

Romance Slam Jam African-American Romance Reader survey

I'm passing along this information as favor, please respond and pass it along.

"Readers of African-American romance don't read romantic suspense, paranormal romances or romance with science fiction elements. Readers of African American romance don't read many books. Readers of African American romance don't buy books.

Do you disagree with any or all of these statements? If so, please help us spread the truth.

The Romance Slam Jam organization is distributing its first-ever Readers of African American Romance Survey. Too often, the publishing industry provides only anecdotes or theories regarding who we are; where we are; what we want; and whether we have the numbers to support a wide variety of literary genres. It's time we spoke for ourselves.

The link below will launch our survey. Please take a few moments to complete it to the best of your ability. Then, once you've submitted your responses, please tell a friend - or two - to stop by and help us get the word out about the readers of African American romance. The survey ends July 31, 2010. Once the survey results are tabulated, we will post the results to the Romance Slam Jam Web site and distribute a press release summarizing the survey to key contacts in the publishing industry and the media.

Thank you in advance for your assistance in spreading the word about readers of African American romance.

Here's the link to the online survey: http://www.romanceslamjam.org/survey/
Please feel free to spread the survey.

Dee
Romance Slam Jam Conference
THE place for readers and authors of Black romance novels
http://www.romances lamjamconference .com/"

Our Love/Hate Relationship with Our Hair

I like many other African American women have a love/hate relationship with my hair surprisingly or maybe not it's more love than hate. I have some thick hair that's black, which most people don't have. But I know amongst black women it's almost war sometimes with their hair and regarding their hair. Should it be natural or relaxed? Should it be a weave or my hair? I think we also sometimes make too much of an poltical issue of our hair instead of doing whatever we like and is easiest for us. My hair is my own and whatever I do with is not a political statement for me and if it is the statement is 'I'm independent' which is my political leanings anyway. My hair is relaxed and short but I like easy hair so this is easy for me and it looks good. I take good care of my hair and I believe that 'good hair is healthy hair' so I keep it healthy. Hey, if I decide one day to cut it all off that's my business or if I decide to buy some hair, attach it and having it hanging to my butt that's my business too. My love/hate relationship with my hair is my own, we're going to be together for a long time so only we have to get along.

Thank you for a Friend

I have to give a big thanks to an internet friend. She's someone I met a few months ago on a group on Goodreads, she's awesome, she's young and brillant and positive. It's sometimes hard when you're a little more mature (ehem! LOL) but you get a little jaded. I know I got a little jaded but this person told me something to do and I don't regret that I took her advice. In so many words, she told me to stop, calm down, and just live. So I did first I calmed down and decided to live in the moment and enjoy my life. And I didn't regret it. I hate to bliss and tell, LOL. Personally I think that may have done poor Sandra Bullock's marriage in. But I'm happy not just with me but with my partner. He's a wonderful, sweet, sensitive, funny, and intelligent man. He's shown me what it means to be loved and appreciated for who you are. Everyday is an adventure but best of all, everyday is fun and he's so dang calm, he's actually calmed by spirit. So thank you to my friend Maya, I owe this happiness I currently have to something you told me a few months ago. And I don't want to not acknowledge you, you deserve it.

Book Review

Goodreads Eugenia Mitchell (blk_dahlia) (Seattle, WA)'s review of Messalina: Devourer of Men: "I want to first thank Zetta Brown for writing an interesting, smart, real, complex erotic story. Your book is what I really wish more erotica would be, maybe then it would get more respect as a genre. I wasn't just put on some sexual ride, with a thin story inserted in every couple of pages with a paragraph or two to make it a book instead of porno. Although I have nothing against pornography. LOL.

Jared and Eva had a love story with some really great sex thrown in. It was an exploration for both of them into painful past, asserting themselves as adults, stopping trying to make others happy and doing things out of habit. I loved the story and the powerful sexual content just was icing on the cake. She took it there with grown folks who loved sex and weren't afraid to say it or express it one another. It's sometimes hard for me to believe in romance that a person who loves someone isn't always trying to get it on with them, sex is an expression of love. I love the story of Eva and her blossoming as to a woman who lived and loved for herself.

You know as I read this book, I kept thinking this woman has been peeping on my life. I also had to break out from under my own false image I was living to be an adult and if other adults don't like it or if family questions it, it's there problem not mine. Eva found she could respect who she really was and still respect her family. It's not impossible. I loved it from beginning to end, it was powerful, that's the only way I could describe it. She wrote a real woman and man in love and the complications that come with that as we try to find out how we do the right thing for ourselves and living our lives and taking risks that in the end work out.

I loved it. I cannot wait for Ms. Brown's next book."

Now, what happens?

Now, that I am in a relationship and no longer dating, what now? I am in love with a wonderful man and if you want to know who I choose to date it was guy who was 3 years younger than me instead of the 23 year old. We have things in common and he's a sweet, generous, intelligent, fun man. 360 degree difference between him and my ex-husband. I'm a little surprised that we found each other, I was shocked that men like him still existed. Now isn't that a sad state of affairs, but he is wonderful. But it's not like he's perfect but then again neither am I. As the Grace Jones song says 'I'm Not Perfect, but I'm Perfect for You'. We are getting to know each other and taking the time to do so. Now we have birthdays one day apart, which was just strange but we are very similar to each other. I used to think 'opposites attract' but believe me that's a lie, 'opposites fight and make each other miserable'. LOL.
Now, what I'm doing is living in the moment. Which I must say I have not always been at ease doing. I'm usually in planning mode with my life but I have come to discover in my old age, when I plan, God laughs. So I live each day anew. Now, for all of the ladies still out there. I can still impart some of my hard fought wisdom, LOL. No not really, I know just about as much as any woman knows who's been on this earth for awhile and dated a couple of dudes. Although some of my stories are hilarious. Now, I can tell them but the names have been changed to protect the guilty, the innocent got what they needed, innocence.

Friends, how many of us have them?

That's from an old Whodini song, one of my favorites, I love old school rap. It's my favorite. I was thinking the other day, how awesome it is to have good friends. People you can depend on, that can depend on you. I'm always thankful for my friends, they are an essential support system for me. When I go through things, they are there to vent, to laugh, to talk, to advise, to look funny at your dumb decision and to give all the encouragement and support you'll ever need. I didn't know how lucky I was to have my best friend until my marriage fell apart, she was there, she understood, she listened and she let me know that I was making a right decision for me. It didn't matter about anybody else, it was about me and my life that needed to be done. She's a wonderful friend. I'm so thankful for her and all my friends those that I've made in real life and online. I hope I'm as good a friend to them as they are to me and I want to make sure they know, I appreciate what they do, they may not know what they do but they bring great joy to my life.

Okay I'm dating, now what?

I've decided to have an exclusive relationship with someone after many dates and wasted time with cretins and people with mental issues they refuse to solve I've found someone I think is worthy of me. I don't mean to be narcissistic but I do think I'm pretty good catch. Not bad for a 37 year old broad, highly educated, at peace with myself and my surroundings, kind of low/high maintenance (I'll have to explain that later), kind, nice smile, pretty decent shape, funny, and I have gained some life lessons that I actually learned from. So here he comes, cute, nice guy, funny, little shy, wears glasses, actually knows how to make a plan and follow it, can take care of his own business, good music taste, a little younger about 3 years, he's not perfect but who is. All I want at this point in life is someone I can work with and that can work with me. Now, we're dating and I'm scared. I don't want to make any of the mistakes that I made with my ex, I don't want the miscommunication, selfishness, pressure, meanness, and neediness that came with him and our marriage. I'm trying my best to change those things, to throw them out like the baby with the bath water. I don't need that. When I got married in my twenties I had no idea what I wanted from another human being and I didn't even know what I didn't want, so I got nothing. Now, I may not be completely sure of all the things I want but I most definitely know what I do not want and that's the beginning of me attempting to have a healthy relationship with M. I know, I know, it was P in the other post but as I was making a decision he got pushed to the side, he didn't hold enough interest and seemed like he wanted to party more than be in a relationship but he was 23 yrs old. I told ya'll, I thought he was too young. LOL.

Oh, What a Tangled Web we Weave

I have a friend, we're not really that close but I like her and she's a good person. But she's been making some questionable choices regarding her marriage lately. She is actually on her way up here to visit my best friend and I and stay with her. She's a lovely person but has some self-confidence issues that rear their ugly head in ways that lead her to destructive decisions. Now, I've made some questionable choices, ooohhhh have I made some questionable choices. None of which I will be revealing to any of you on here. You have to take that one to the backroom and yes like a lot of women while I'm in that web I'm thinking it's going to work out. Until one day it hits me in the head and says "No fool, this ain't gonna work." My best friend has been advising her but my advice to my best friend is to leave it alone, unfortunately you cannot tell grown people what to do they'll do what they want anyway. Her decisions have absolutely no way of turning out good on either end and I'm a tad shocked she doesn't see it. Because I'm sure anyone else would know, at some point, what is done in the dark shall come to the light as my grandmother used to always say. But she's keeping hope alive and still heading down the path of atomic sized destruction. I can only be a good friend by letting her make her own decisions and being there for her when it does end in inevitable diaster and not saying "I told you so." I hate what I know is about to happen to her but sometimes mistakes are the best way to learn a good lesson.

Ahhh, I'm in Like

Oh my goodness, I'm in like with somebody. I know that sounds weird but you just don't know that's a big step for me especially coming out my marriage. I'm not in love, well because that just takes longer, I'm moving slow with this purposefully. I don't want to get my feelings hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, that's really important to me. I'm getting to know this person and we've been out several times and he's growing on me. Now like I say, I'm not in love. I might have a little lust going on but I have lust going on several times a day so that ain't nothing special, LOL. I see all kinds of fine men and think "oh boy, I'd like a piece of that." But I just want a piece, I'm not inclined to want the whole bucket, anyway I don't like dark meat. But this like thing is special. We still need to have what I deem "the talk" of are we exclusively dating and such, because I will not be assuming anything. I have to hear it from the horse's mouth, assuming is what got me married in the first place and I probably shouldn't have been. But I'm going to enjoy this, I've been through a lot lately more than I've ever revealed to anyone. It was really painful sometimes but I'm good at hiding my feelings but what I feel like now is that the fog is lifting and things are dropping into place. Now, who knows we may not work out at all but that's okay, I'm okay with that. "Rejection is God's protection" and you better believe it I need all the protection I can get when it comes to my heart. I'm not putting it completely off the market but I ain't handing it over to anyone again like it's a stick of bubble gum. LOL.

Flirting

I love flirting, good lord I love flirting. I do it all the time, with all types of men of any age and it's great. I went out tonight to a really good sushi restaurant and the bartender who was probably the age of my older nephew (yes, I am becoming a cougar lol) was gorgeous. So my best friend and I just sat there and flirted with him shamelessly but I am shameless about it. He was really cute, half Hawaiian, half black, that was a hot interracial combo. He was smiling and umm he had a nice smile and blushing and we just kept on flirting. He gave us money off our bill, so I'll go back there and tell him how freaking hot he was again.
I just do it because I have nothing to lose. It's not like we're gonna start dating and I want to give compliments where compliments are deserved. I sometimes think with really hot guys they probably don't get approached a lot, women probably think "oh he's too cute he'll never talk to me" but they want to be approached and chatted up like everybody else. He loved it and kept coming back for more. I like flirting, it makes me feel powerful and kind of sexy in a strange way. I will be flirting again tomorrow, maybe I'll come back and tell you all about it.

Oh my goodness

I had a date tonight, I've been dating here lately and it's been going pretty well. I can't say I've found the love of my life or that I'm actually looking for him. I can say I wanted to date because I didn't date when I was dating my husband and I certainly should have. (Note: Even if you like him ladies, date other guys until he asks you to actually take to the next level, don't just assume.) So tonight I had a date with a guy we'll call him P (I'm making him anonymous to protect the innocent and the guilty LOL.) but he was nice and it was nice date. But I'm having one weird issue and it's bothering me and not him, he's 23 years old. Now I've never dated a younger man especially one that's 14 years younger. Yikes! But the weirder part was it was really good date, much better than some of the dramatized older guys I dated. He was nice, a gentlemen, held an excellent conversation, asked me questions about myself and listened, he was funny and sarcastic just like I like them. He had the face of a 12 year old but seemed so much more mature than the whiny 40 year old, who can't get over their last girlfriend or ex-wife. I'm wondering am I becoming a cougar?

Wow! I'm blogging

Well this is my very first blog and I'm Jeannie, I'm 37 years old and I live in the PNW. I own my own business and I love it. I'm in the middle of a divorce and couldn't be happier about it. I'm free and happy and finally got some peace. But now I've stepped back into the world of dating. I've been out of this world for like 13 years and the last time I dated, it was nothing like this. Internet, online, chatting, match sites and people giving you way too much information way too fast. Dude, I have NO interest in your seeing your shaved package, you don't even know my last name. LOL.
I'm dating and I just finding it strange. Is it me or have men become more like women? All the drama and neediness. I'm trying to date and have fun, I don't want to marry anybody and I have no interest in trying to move in someone's house. I like where I live and I like my life, boy I really must be doing something wrong or putting out a bad signal.
Now, I date white guys and I like them and they like me but I notice a lot of white guys where I live are kind of skittish about dating interracially well at least with black women. On more than one occasion here lately I've heard two things about black women that we are either really wild in the sack or totally frigid. I keep thinking they both can't be true. I'm also so shocked that in 2009 somebody would still be thinking that backwards. So I choose them carefully, there have stand ups, lies, deciet, drama, weirdness, inappropriate behavior, and just flat out gone from the sublime to the ridiculous and I'm looking to share my triumphants and foibles as I figure out how the hell am I supposed to date at the age of 37.
I hope you enjoy it.