Dollar That Makes No Sense

What the hey is going with the church? I'm asking this question but there probably is no answer to it besides people have decided to follow people instead of God and God has left the building because of the foolishness. I've followed some the stuff with the Eddie Long pedophile case and yes he is a pedophile, he needs to be locked up to serve a sentence and needs some mental help. No one sends photos like that to impressionable young men and calls himself a man of God, that thought is disgusting in and of itself. Jesus protected the innocent, he didn't exploit them for His own sexual pleasure. Now we have the smarmy Creflo Dollar coming out to defend him, asking Long's parishioners to forgive him and not to leave his church. Personally if my Pastor had been accused of trying to molest boys and then settled the case for millions of dollars, I would be running from the pew as fast my legs could carry me. I have no idea what is going on with supposed believers, we're just believing anything but the word of God. Just because he got up there and preached for some years does not mean he is, was or ever will be a man of God. Devil sits in the church, the pulpit, on the deacon board and in the choir just like the Christians do. I wonder how many Christians realize that, probably only the ones that have some discernment which as I look around looks like not many.

I'm a Christian it's not something I throw in people's face but it's also not something I hide. I have another wonderful gift from God, it's called discernment which means I can tell shenanigans when I see them. Mr. Long is a man, like most men he is faulty, ego-driven, and probably a little power hungry. We set ministers up in churches like they are gods, then they become our gods, our idols, we forget about God, doing His will, reading His words, trusting and obeying Him and we start trusting and obeying a fool who has feet of clay then we're so devastated when we find that fact out. I was betrayed once by a Pastor, not in sexual way but I worked for a Pastor many years ago who decided she needed a convenient scapegoat since she wasn't doing her job as the Pastor and choose me. Church hurt is some the most damaging and worst hurt in the world, it goes along with the betrayal of a spouse or family member. For some people it is difficult to overcome and for many, they never overcome it. You have a high-calling when you are to serve God's people, one the highest and when you betray that by exploiting people and then feign innocence, yes there is a special place in hell just for you. I've made some comments on different sites today talking about this issue and someone had commented that 'we shouldn't mess with God's annointed' HA! Whatever, no one and I mean no one is annointed to molest children, where has our mind gone as supposed Christians that we don't even recognize right from wrong.

You know today was one of those days I held my head in my hands. As a black woman when I'm in public and there is a group of rowdy or rude black people, I always feel a sense of shame. I know I shouldn't but I do because all I'm ever thinking is 'please Lord don't let these other people standing here watching and listening to these fools think I'm part of this foolishness'. That's the way I feel about this situation with Dollar and Long, as a Christian I don't want people to think that Christians are okay with this foolishness, that we aren't as disgusted about this mess as anyone else is. I feel a sense of shame and some people don't realize that sometimes the things we do hurt God and this is definitely one of those times. I know people are wondering, why doesn't God do something? But if you know God, like I do you know God can't involve Himself in anything that is not of him. He still lets us have free will, he doesn't punish us per se because when we make evil choices, especially consciously make them, we will be punished there is nothing else that can happen. Evil cannot and will not be rewarded, ever. Mr. Long has much suffering to do, certainly people can forgive him but it behoove them not to forget, it also doesn't mean he is somehow exempt from being punished. I have a huge faith in God and I also love my own Pastor but I don't take everything my Pastor says on faith, blind faith is lazy faith and if you're not reading your bible for yourself, your walk with God is in trouble. My prayer is that those victimized by Mr. Long can heal and not leave God, leaving Long's church is what people need to do but I would pray that they don't leave God. But you know what, if they do I'm not at all surprised.

Small Weddings and My Fear of Bridezilla

Matt and I have changed our minds on what type of wedding to have a million times, I must say we both are sometimes indecisive people. It sometimes riles my nerves that people have so many opinions regarding our wedding but aren't really willing to help in any significant way and most definitely are not giving any funds to it. The funds part is fine, there is still a recession going on and folks are watching their pennies.  My family is not independently wealthy nor is Matt's family so we're doing this the way a lot of couples do their weddings nowadays, we're doing it ourselves. Now doing it ourselves really means neither us have a lot of time to do planning, Matt is busy working, I'm busy working and really I'm just not the party/wedding planning kind of gal. I know many women have dreamed of their wedding day but I'm not that woman. I knew I wanted to get married, I just wasn't all hyped up about a wedding. As a practical person all I see with big weddings is dollar signs and bills. I've known people take out $25, 000 loans for a wedding. Are you freaking kidding? It's tough enough to start a marriage but starting with $25K in debt is just stupid. So we've made a final decision with 96 days to go, it's actually the decision we should have made in the first place and the one I suggested. As much as I'd like to have a wedding with a ton of people invited, we can't reasonably afford it and since no one is offering any monetary help we do what we need to do. The wedding is just a small part to me, the marriage is way more important and we refuse to go into any kind of debt for a wedding. So we're doing small family ceremony, no attendants, we did have those for a minute but that's out now and then just dinner at a restaurant we like, where everyone can pay for their own meal. My best friend is giving us a pre-celebration party in August but that's about it. I'm more excited about being married to Matt than I'll ever be about some damn wedding. But I have a dress, he's buying a nice suit and we're gonna look good up there saying our vows. So the only thing I have to buy is his ring, my shoes, something for my hair, and maybe jewelry but I'm thinking I have some beautiful jewelry hiding in my jewelry box just have to dig around and find it. Then after that we are off to Oregon for our honeymoon at Edgefield McMenimin's resort.

I'm glad we're doing this, it relieves the stress of planning something out. I hate planning. I watched 'Bridezillas' over the weekend and I'm just saying  you guys, that show frightens me a little. I don't want to be that wound up my last week before the wedding, I do not want to be that girl. I think it's the need for perfection and family stress that makes these folks so goddamned bitchy. The best part, since all I'm worried about is marrying the man I love and all he's worried about his marrying me we can skip the wedding drama-land. The most wonderful thing about Matt and I is in most things we are of like-mind. It makes working these things out with him so very easy.

The Magic Bullet List

Many take the desperation that black women have regarding their prospects for a loving mate and play on them

Oh I love the magic bullet, I swear some of us are so desperate in our attempts to find romance we'll believe anything anyone says. Especially when it says, well it's not you, it's them. I see the magic bullet list items all over the internet. I see them on tons of websites, I've seen them so much that hell I started to believe some of it. That's usually how a lie works, you hear it enough and then all of a sudden it starts to become true. But I'm a critical thinker, something that is sadly lacking in this world. I swear if people see something on television or read it on the internet they just take for granted it's the truth and that person is telling the truth. In a post I had a while back called You Better Be Suspicious I talk about the good points of being suspicious of what folks say. I know this isn't taught by many people but doubt is a good thing sometimes, it can help us not be taken advantage of. I understand that as women we all want to hold out hope that all that stuff you've been reading on relationship website or in those relationship articles is true but really it just all depends. When I write things in this blog regarding relationships especially those involving black women and non-black men I try to use language like some, sometimes, maybe. I stay away from absolutes because they are so unreliable, nothing I write in here is for everyone some may be able to use it, some may not. It doesn't bother me if you can or if you can't. I'm hear telling my story because someday I'd like to look back on this and see how I've changed. That's always my goal to be ever evolving, to be different than I was the day before, to learn, to grow. In a few years I may have changed my mind regarding some of these things because my experiences may have altered it so there are no absolutes. And when people start talking, writing, or advising in absolutes I get fairly suspicious and fast. Believe me when I say, everyone has an agenda even I have one. Some are admirable, some...not so much.

. Unfortunately there are many gullible black women as there are many gullible women, period. Those women who are desperate for an answer to why they are lonely or cannot maintain a relationship, why men don't talk to them and really the best way to sell your shit to never blame the person always blame the other person. We live in a microwave society in the U.S., everyone wants everything today and they don't want to do any work to get it. We want what others have but are unwilling to do the work or make the sacrifices they have to gain it. We just think we deserve it and like little children, we want it NOW!  So in comes your savior with magic bullet list, here to tell you that if you A-B-C and D the man your dreams will drop out the sky and pledge his undying love to you. I have yet to hear of someone using this magic formula to the letter and having it work. I always say the proof is in the pudding, no tangible results means that crap don't work. Bringing out this 'experts' with nary a credential between them and if they got a degree it has no CV to match. I'm sorry when you say experts, I think of experts like the ones I used to use in my career a paralegal with CVs 5 pages long and some proof of their expertise, anybody can write a book. Really the magic bullet list are never called this because then you couldn't believe in them, they have names like formula, rules, and such. The premise always is, we're breaking you down to build you up, you're incapable of finding someone on your own so you need my magic bullet bullshit list and it will happen for you. I'm calling shenanigans on all the magic bullet list that I've seen for black women regarding non-black men. There is no formula, there are suggestions, there's stuff you can try but that doesn't mean it's going to work. But that doesn't mean give up hope and just close yourself in your condo and get some cats. We cannot get things instantly it takes some effort on both people's part to find love and good relationship and to maintain it. If you haven't found love, all that means is it's just not your time. I get sick of people crying and whining, why hasn't it happened for me. You're not the only one who would like a relationship, blow the snot out of your nose and get out there and make yourself available for love dammit. Really I dislike the magic bullet list, I'm going to list some things I've seen from it and tell you why it's total bullshit.



-White men are shy -that's a damn lie, some and I'll say it again some men are shy, white, black, Latino, Asian yea some are shy. But believe me a bunch are not, get a clue on what men do when they flirt and learn to flirt back. White men may flirt different but he will flirt. I'm thinking this came from people who have never been around white people ever and think they are so different. If you knew any white people, you'd understand why this is a crock of shit.

-White men only like dark-skinned women -what kind of bs is this, I've seen white men with every hue of black woman from fair to blue-black. Men like what they like and for some men that's consistent while for others it is not.

-You need to go to Europe to find a white man -while European white man don't have all the racial baggage we have here in the U.S. there is no guarantee you will go there and the men will be falling at your feet. Really, if something is wrong with you no matter where you go, you will still be there. American men date and marry black women all the time, you are not hunting for leprechaun gold trying to find a man. Just pay attention to your surroundings and have some reasonable expectations.

-White men go for black women with natural hair -I swear I hate this one so much and this is such nonsense I want to go out and do speeches on the street about it. Hear this, white men don't know anything about black women's hair, black men barely do. But rest assured, white men don't know if your hair is natural, permed, or fake unless you tell him. My Matt has dated 2 other black women besides me and he still has no idea the difference between natural and permed. Men don't worry about those sorts of things, only women.

No matter who you are, no matter what you look like, there is someone out there for you. Why would YOU be the only person in the world there isn't someone to love you or for you to love. Yes, you're going to be rejected but let's stop with the narcissism that only we should be able to reject people and never be rejected. Get out there and do something, get out of your comfort zone, take up some new hobbies, do some things to get yourself prepared so when love shows up you'll be ready. That's what we don't do we're so worried about why someone else isn't doing something instead of doing something ourselves that will have us prepared for the love of our lives. Why should you ever have something you are not prepared for? Black women, white men and other non-black men are attracted to you, stop trying to contort yourself into something you are not. Be yourself, you're worthy of love just the way you are. Be the best you and that will attract the best to you.

If you want to ask me something specifically and privately, click here and I'll see if I can help you. I won't be able to answer everything but I'll definitely try.

Star's Favorite...Movies-Snatch

'Snatch' is and will always be one of my favorite movies. I've got a really dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor. It can be odd for a girl, particularly a black one to have the kind of sense of humor I do. It is one of the funniest movies ever and I do particularly love British humor because it's so dry and witty. So when I first checked this movie out on DVD I was clutching my side trying not to pee on myself it was so funny. But not only does it contain the humor I loved, it also contained something else I love in movies, gratuitous violence. Yes, I like funny violence which makes me an oddity among most women black, white and everything else. I don't want to tell you the movie because I hate when people sweat movies, you have to see it yourself. But if you're a fan of 'Pulp Fiction' and lord knows I'm a fan of that movie you'll love Guy Ritchie's British flair showing in the tough streets of London and it's underworld and the quest to get back a 86 carat diamond. It has stars galore, Benicio Del Toro, Brad Pitt (in a role that makes his body in 'Fight Club' look like your beer belly uncle), Jason Statham, Dennis Farina, and Vinnie Jones. It is fabulous with characters with names like Turkish, Doug the Head, Bricktop, and Bullet Tooth Tony you can't go wrong. The lines of course are fabulous, I really am a person that loves a good repeatable line in a movie and the soundtrack was so awesome, I bought it. It's always a good thing when a movie has a stellar soundtrack and is a dang good movie. I say check it out, you will not be sorry I recommended it.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-TV Docs

Ah the television doctor, not just the one that plays a doctor on television but the ones that are actually doctor and do television commentary. Good gracious there is nothing like a handsome man with a big brain and probably some excellent skillful hands. Hello there, doctor!

Dr. Mehmet Oz, I so love Dr. Oz loved his show, loved him on Oprah he's just so handsome to me. I've never seen him out those scrubs but hubba hubba!

 Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who regularly appears and does commentary on CNN. He's a brilliant doctor and humanitarian and just extremely good looking.

Dr. Drew Pinsky, Dr. Drew was and is my favorite tv doctor crush. I remember watching him on 'Love Line' on MTV many years ago. He is sexy, got the silver fox thing going for him, I love the glasses and his voice could melt butter even talking about your drug rehab stay it could melt butter. 

Dr. Ian Smith, he is real looker. I love his campaign to try to curb obesity in the black community. Come on he's a hot doctor, what else can I say. 

And last but certainly not least, Dr. Travis Stork from 'Bachelor' fame and 'The Doctors' really I could give a hell about the 'Bachelor' thing but lord he is cute. This was wonderful suggestion by one my readers, Cheri. Thank you so much for the reminder. 

I'm thinking I might be catching a cold, anyone got appointments open and good bedside manner? 

Hello My Name is Eugenia and I'm a Shoe Addict

Yes I am and I have come to terms with it. I love shoes, all kinds and types and if I could wile away my hours at Nordstrom, Nine West, or on Endless.com looking for shoes I damn well would. I was looking at my Facebook today and they happen to say something about Shoe Tuesday at Marshalls and the fact that they had sandals on sale for $15 I almost killed over. I had to breath into a paper bag to keep from fainting or running to my car to rush to Marshalls to buy sandals. I don't know how many pairs of shoes I own, I really have no idea and I could actually give any starlet a run for their money. Yes, I own shoes I've only worn once and yes I own shoes I've never worn at all. I know, the shame of it, it's so wasteful and I really do hate being wasteful but when I go through to give them away I never give them to a place that is going to sell them. I like to give them places where women who are homeless and trying to enter back into the workplace can get nice shoes because I do have some nice ones. I love everything but favorites are flats, slingbacks, peeptoes, the wedge, boots, sandals, flip flops, and nice kicks. I recently wrote about my love of Converse in Me + Chuck Taylors = Life Long Love Affair and I love Pumas too. I love Nine West, Carlos Santana, Keen, Naughty Monkey, Marc Jacobs, Jimmy Choos, Loubontin, and many others. I just love shoes and I'm forever sneaking a new pair into the house, I know Matt wouldn't be too angry but he doesn't understand the shoe obsession and I'm quite sure no man does if he did, he's not a straight man. Matt owns five pairs of shoes I think, he only wears two, his work shoes, a pair of brown Rockport and his corduroy slippers he bought at Wal-Mart and he loves those to death. My multi-talented and beautiful best friend LaTonya Alexander, whose business Image of Soul is an amazing outlet for her creative mind, made this poster for me and she's framing for my wall and this speaks volumes to my shoe addiction, one I am so not looking for a cure of.

Enjoy the shoes!

My Project is Complete, TA-DA!

So I did t, I sanded like my life depended on it, primed and painted and got a beautiful restored piece of furniture. I'm so proud of myself and think I've found a new hobby. I like to stay busy around the house, so now I have two beautiful maple wood chairs to sand and paint and then I'll be keeping my eye out for a side table for my dining room. I'm also thinking of painting the dining table that we have but I'm just thinking for now. So enjoy pictures of my restored bureau, I love the navy blue and polished nickel hardware. That was an excellent choice but I do have sense of style about myself, that's for sure. Oh and that's my walk-in closet, I do enjoy that closet one the reasons we choose this place over others.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Ryan Reynolds

Yes, I'm having a blonde overload.  I do so adore blonde men but I'm giving it up someone who is so hot, I know you see the flames coming through your computer. Ryan Reynolds, lawd have mercy give me strength. Really all I can say is oh mamma jamma he's so sexy and really funny. I love funny guys but the funny, sexy guy is rock and roll. He's single now, I'm not trying to give anyone ideas but I would go out and find him if I could, just sayin'. This man dated Alanis Morrisette, he's deeper than he looks. I'm not trying to hate on anybody but she really don't resemble much and although he was once married to Scarlett Johanssen and she resembles a lot, I thinking maybe he doesn't have a 'type' which is always good in a man. Really I could see him with a beautiful sister, maybe Megan Goode, yea that would work in my brain. He's about to star as The Green Latern, now I can't say I've been dying to see this particular superhero come to the big screen but I'm always dying to see Ryan Reynolds come to any screen. So until I watch him in that skintight green superhero costume with all those muscles rippling, this will have to do and here he is, Ryan Reynolds.

Head

There's a wonderful song by one of all-time favorite artist, Prince, called "Head" and and believe me he ain't talking about cutting hair. It's been awhile since I've discussed some south of border stuff, some lessons or reminders for us ladies in relationships. I may get some comments, but Imma go head on with this one. For any woman in a long term relationship or marriage please let me inform you, you should be giving head. Now I hear this quite a bit about black women from black men, they complain that black women don't give head and I hear black women always talking about how they're not going to suck on some man's nasty dick. OMG, what is this middle school? Get over it, any woman with any sense knows the pleasure and power in giving head especially when you enjoy it and do it well. I find that many black women in IRs are not at all adverse to doing it, giving lessons, talking about it, or enjoying the experience. I most certainly am not and I'm damn near an expert. Been seeking wisdom and honing my technique for years and believe me it is much appreciated. I don't just give head on special occasions, I just don't do it on anniversaries and birthdays no I'm generous with my head. Now I must say I don't do it everyday but when I'm feeling particularly randy, yea I'll suck that thang like its got the antidote in it. If there's one thing I abhor it's selfish lovers, really selfish people should be forced to have sex with themselves so they know how bad it is to have sex with them. I certainly appreciate a man that likes go 'south of border' on me, so why wouldn't I reciprocate. But it's more than reciprocal. It's the joy it brings to me to bring my man to heights of pleasure, it's the power it gives me to be in control of his responses. I can give him feelings he's never experienced and won't ever again without having me there. It's a source of intimacy and sharing that brings us closer. Sex is deeper than just two bodies rubbing together, it's a connection. The sounds that I hear come from him as I pleasure him bring me deep pleasure, it just turns me on. I'm so glad I'm not a damn prude, I'm not recommending wrapping your lips around any stranger's dick but for real if you've never given your boyfriend or husband head, that's just like...wow! I feel sorry for him and you because you are missing out. I've known men to leave women because another woman was willing to do what his girl was not. Now, I'm just being honest and if you're going to try it you need to enjoy it. Nothing is worse for a woman or man than to have someone down there out of obligation, people can tell what you really don't and do want to do. If a man goes down on me I want him down there like it's his last damn meal, okay. And if you're particularly daring you can always swallow, once you do that, forget it, he'll never leave you, EVER. Now enjoy listening to Prince and meditate on that.

I'm the DIY Project Girl

There are lots things people can learn about me by reading my blog, you won't know all of me but you can get a little peek inside my life. You can learn I'm a writer, I like to draw, I'm great at public speaking, I'm a super fan of Elvis Presley, I like classic movies, I love to roller skate and I'm a do-it-yourselfer. Yes, I like projects I don't do them often, I have a wonderful strong, strapping man around who loves DIY so I let him indulge. But I've taken on a project and I'm looking forward to the end result. As you know, we've moved in a new apartment, or flat as those of you on the other side of the pond call it, we're now out buying new furniture but if you know anything about furniture, things made of wood are expensive and by old standards made pretty shabbily. So Matt has a bureau and some beautiful maple chairs and both of them are tremendously well made out of real wood pieces but covered in that hideously ugly 70s lacquer. I'm sure you've seen pieces like these at your parents' house or some poor college student. A beautiful piece of furniture covered in ugly lacquer. So I'm sanding these  pieces down and priming them and painting them. I've started with the bureau and this is my progress so far,

how you like it? I can't wait for it to be done. I'm painting both the bureau and chairs navy blue. I love navy blue, it's a great neutral. After they are painted, I'll be putting polished nickel hardware on the bureau and beautiful cushions on the chairs. So I'll keep you guys all updated on it. It's tough work especially the sanding but I think it will be worth it. All this furniture is over 30 years old and still in awesome condition, why would I ever throw that away for expensive badly made crap that won't last till our next move. So stay tuned...

I Loves Me Some Pandora!

First, if you've never heard of Pandora, what rock have you been living under. Pandora radio is the hit, it's cool, it's great, I get chills thinking about it. I'm so glad I found it, love at first listen. Here's something about Seattle, our radio stations suck donkey balls. We have some of the worst radio in existence for a metropolitan city. I haven't actually listened to it in years, why make my ears bleed. I have very eclectic taste so there's not really a station that would ever cater to me but Pandora does. I don't know how I found it, actually I think Matt told me about it. When I went on and figured out you could put in your favorite artist and they'd start to play music from that artist and artist like that artist I was in heaven. It's fantastic and on some of my stations it really takes me in the wayback machine. I have a New Order station and the other day as I listened they played some OMD, Morrisey, and the Church oh it was like being in school all over again, straight back the eighties. I have so many stations and you can just listen for hours. You have to have a phone like iPhone or something similar that gets internet over cell towers to use it in the car but I'm thinking that's pretty much everybody now. Even my 65 year old mother has one of those smartphones.

Now recently they've started to play commercials every couple of songs, they didn't do that originally but they got to pay bills and try to make a profit. But if you pay $36 you can go commercial free for a year with them, I think I'm going to do it. I don't need the regular radio ever again and I don't have to listen to all my repeats on my iPod so it's nice to get some of my forgotten favorites in with my various radio stations. Really I am random when it comes to my musical tastes my radio stations on Pandora include Marvin Gaye, Dave Brubeck, U2, Hall & Oates, Johnny Taylor, Diana Krall, Bebel Gilberto, Funkadelic, Harry Connick Jr., New Order, Maxwell, Ledisi, The Isley Brothers, Jamiroquai, Led Zeppelin, Adele, Michael Jackson, The English  Beat, Guy, John Coltrane, Jill Scott, Van Hunt, John Mayer, Ludacris, Chaka Khan & Rufus, Johnny Cash, Sting, R.E.M., John Legend, Boy George, the Clash, Micheal Buble', Phil Collins, Luther Vandross, Gap Band, and Mary J. Blige. Yea, I'm all over the map and that's what I love about Pandora, it's all your favorites and other music similar to your favorites. I'm adding a Morrisey radio station this week, he totally slipped my mind. So enjoy the music and don't be stuck with the crap that supposedly passes for radio stations in this country.

FBW

Warning: If you are in any way sensitive or get your feeling hurt easily or have a hard time understanding sarcasm, you may not want to read this post. 

I don't usually comment on my own blog about other people's post, usually people aren't saying anything that interest me enough to post about someone else's opinion blog. I also am not real big on commenting on things that I have no direct knowledge of, my personal thought is that when people start spouting their opinions about things they don't know about they just look stupid to me. The title of this post is 'FBW', I know you're wondering what the hey does that mean it's an acronym for a nemesis among some black woman it's the Fat Black Woman. I commented on a recent blog that I love and frequent that I believe and still do and have seen in real life, that some of the issues that black women have regarding weight are not just because we are really fond of twinkies and pork skins. Hell, I'm fond of twinkies and pork skins but I'm not obese. In fact, I've never been obese. I've never dieted in my life. As a child and teenager I was always skinny as I got older my metabolism slowed and I gained some weight but never more than an extra 25 lbs or so. I'm exercising again to try to lose some weight gained while Matt and I looked longingly into each other's eyes and totally forgot to exercise. But I have never in my life had to deal with the issues of being the fat kid, fat teenager, or fat adult. I've never had 50, 75, or 100 extra lbs or more weighing my body down. As I look around at the black women I know and see in my everyday life I am not blind to the fact that as a group of women we are carrying some extra weight, literally and figuratively.

When I commented that some black women have mental issues that have or are contributing to their obesity. Well I was called out of touch, coddler, delusional, and such and I'm putting it nicely. Oh goodness Eugenia, why can't you see that all these fat black women in the United States are fat because they won't buy a pair of tennis shoes, eat better and exercise their just fat and lazy. It seems I wasn't cruel enough and I let my compassion show and was giving fat black women an excuse, how dare I do that. Now if people really knew me and really there's no real way to know me from these few posts I give, but if you knew me the one thing you would know is I'm no coddler, I'm no excuse maker, I don't hold dicks while people figure out how pee, most of the time I'm tough and believe in tough love. I am not an advocate of delusion and I'd never tell a fat woman that she's thick, I believe in positive reinforcement but that's not positive reinforcement it's a goddamned lie. Now I'm not saying that every black woman with a weight issue is mentally insane, not at all. To tell the truth I don't know how many people who are severely overweight or obese have mental conditions because really most people don't ask that question and among black people we are notorious for not acknowledging and getting help for mental illness. So my thought is that many fat black women are not aware if they have a mental health issue or not, which means they certainly aren't seeking treatment for it. There is a wonderful book by Rosalynn Carter, President Jimmy Carter's wife called Within Our Reach: Ending the Mental Health Crisis I watched her on The Colbert Report talk about it a few months ago, 1 in 4 Americans has an undiagnosed mental health issue. That's a lot of people and I'm quite sure that a large number of those people are African Americans. What does this have to do with the fat black woman? Well everything and nothing. I know there are plenty of black women who are overweight because they love to eat and don't love to exercise but I'm also pretty sure there are some who are using food as a way to self-medicate. Black women in this country do have it tough, we are the least married, most out of wedlock children, highest rate of AIDS and HIV, we work, we go to school, we get called the most unattractive women on earth and we're fat. Many people in this country with mental health issues self-medicate it's just a way to cope, especially in a place where mental health is just not a priority for the health system. So people do it themselves, they work to much, they take drugs, they drink, they gamble, they shop too much, and they over-eat. Now it's okay too feel bad for the alcoholic, drug addict, the gambler, even the shopoholic but it's just not cool to feel bad for fat people. It seems it's not even cool to acknowledge that some of these fat black women may even have a mental health issue. You know I believe health is physical as well as mental and for the people that may be self-medicating, taking care of their mental health can also help them take care of their physical health. I certainly don't think having mental health condition is an excuse to stay fat, if you know you have one and are using food to medicate you need to get some help. I certainly don't think every fat black woman is a mental case. But the one thing I do have experience with in this arena is that I've suffered from a mental health issue. In a previous blog called Sometimes...People Really Do Need Therapy I talk a little about my own struggle with depression, anxiety and panic and how therapy helped me overcome. But before I overcame it, I didn't know what was going on and to help myself I medicated myself with food and drinking. It wasn't until I got the help I needed after almost a year and left my ex-husband that I got back on track. But I'm thinking if I hadn't gotten the help I needed I probably would have been 2 tons of fun and damn alcoholic right now. Thank God, I wasn't so prideful that I didn't get the help I needed. But I know there are many fat black women, whose family are telling them nothing is wrong, they need to pray more (yes you can pray but we also need to use the resources that God put on this earth to help people, therapy is a blessing) or just eat some more, this good peach cobbler will make you feel better.

I'd love for fat black women to be more motivated about getting their weight down and their health in order but I know not all of them will do that. I hate the results of obesity on black women, heart disease, high blood pressure, joint problems, and diabetes type 2 which I know sucks cause I have type 1. I know they won't all be inspired whether they are lazy or crazy to get themselves together. And being obese is not twofold for every woman, some people are just unmotivated but for those who need some therapy they should get it and their mental health issues should be acknowledged and not pushed under the rug. If we're going to discuss the issue of fat black women, let's not just do the surface easy crap. I know black women who have had the gastric bypass surgery and have lost tons of weight and look great and have now traded in one addiction, food, for another, alcohol, drugs, shopping. Addiction is addiction. I'm not real sure why some black women have decided that it's too much to acknowledge that this may have two sides and to get the fat black women of America losing weight we can touch on both. I want women to be healthy, more than I want to be right or brag about how skinny and great I am.  But you know that's just me, it sucks to care about fat black women.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Daniel Craig

What did I know about Daniel Craig before James Bond...really nothing. I think I'd heard of him but I can't say that I remember him in any movie roles. Then they announced he'd replacing my beloved Pierce Bronsnan as the spy who knows how use every weapon under the sun attached to this body and not attached, James Bond. I am a James Bond freak fanatic and if you know anything about James Bond fans, you probably know that we were not happy to hear about Craig. But I must say that all changed when I saw him in 'Casino Royale' then I thought 'Pierce who?' He was amazing and on top of it he made me fall in love with the James Bond franchise all over again, he was more of the thinking man's Bond, did away with all the campiness that had unfortunately become the character of 007, he made the Bond role more sophisticated and dangerous than ever. I figured if he could do that with a long beloved character, I needed to see him in something else. He'll be in 'Cowboys and Aliens' this summer with another one my wayback hotties, Harrsion Ford, and I'm looking forward to it. He's a brilliant actor and just so damn sexy, a sophisticated tough guy, those piercing blue eyes, wears a suit like he was born in it, with a body that makes you want to lick it dry, yea I went there. His face isn't pretty, it's ruggedly handsome and looks like it's been lived in so he looks all man, which is seriously hawt! And like many women I am a sucker for an English accent, really what can I say I like to hear them talk. So please give all your attention to the sophisticated, tough, classy, and sexy Daniel Wroughton Craig. Oh yes Mr. Craig, yes!

What's So Wrong With Risk Aversion?

I'm a bit of risk-taker and it's something I never realized about myself until I was older. I'm a deep thinker but sometimes I just step out on pure faith and just go for it. This sometimes means I succeed at some things and sometimes I fail at some things but I always learn something. I don't just leap before I look but even sometimes when you look by the time you've leapt things can certainly change. I am not a woman that averts risk, but I'm not just running blind into anything that comes along also. I'm a practical adventurer, I assess some risks before I take them and it's fun sometimes taking a risk and I've learned great things about myself and others. But sometimes it's tough to take risks and sometimes those things end in heartbreak but never regret. I don't regret anything about my life, all the things I've done have helped me learn, and I wouldn't be here offering up the little wisdom I do have to bless someone's life, if those things had not happened.

So what is so wrong about being a person who averts risk, sounds smart and careful doesn't it. In many ways it seems like the smart thing to do but I don't think I'd find it smart as much as I find it easy. I love blogs that give wisdom and share stories especially about life and relationships, they're great. Now everything that's said on these blogs does not apply to everyone but the one thing I know about finding love is that you cannot be averse to risk and find it. Possibly giving your heart over to someone is a gigantic risk because you cannot be certain what they may do with it. Now there are certainly predictors that someone may be ready and willing to step all over your heart and drag it through the proverbial mud but even the best of situations things can go awry, people can change, circumstances can change. If you want to love someone you have to take a risk. I see many women on blogs that talk about relationships asking for the 'magic bullet' of finding a man to have a relationship with, how do they do it without risking their feelings or heart, boy I wish I knew the answer to that one I'd be a millionaire. I know some bloggers say this and that, I even say some things, but really there are no guarantees in life and love. I once had someone ask that why I married my ex-husband if I thought we'd get divorced, the answer to that is I didn't think we'd get divorced. I never went into my marriage thinking it had a shelf-life and yes I took a risk on a person that I loved, that risk did not pan out. Do I regret my marriage? Hell no, I learned so much from that time in my life, best of all it taught me I could love someone deeply and that was wonderful. So although our marriage didn't work out, my capacity to love unconditionally did.

I've taken a risk by falling in love and agreeing to marry Matt and people would think that after a marriage that ended in divorce I would be more averse to the risk of marrying again. I think that would be true if I was person who lived on fear but I don't. People who want to avert risk, want to avert any pain that may come with it, may without realizing it also be averting all the rewards that can come with it. I have nothing against doing things the smart way, yes don't date the 'bad boy' and expect that your love will make him good, yes I'd avoid the drug addict or the dude who hasn't had job since Tupac died or the guy who always wants to go dutch all the time. That's not risk aversion that's just not being stupid, there's a difference. But don't sabotage your chance at finding love by trying to 'play it safe' all the time, sometimes you do literally have to step out on faith and see where it goes. You can't stay at home and hope your Mr. Wonderful is going to knock on the door and say 'I love you and need you, please marry me'. You can't sit online all day trying to analyze love to death or trying to write all the notes for the perfect relationship. We can't stick our heads in books, hoping the studly hottie in it comes to life. You have to take the risk to get the reward of love. I read a wonderful blog this week on Beyond, Black, & White one my favorite blogs about two people who feel in love over Facebook. If you think that's odd, read the story and watch the video of two people who took a risk and fell in love and are now getting married it's called Kyra and Jim: A Real Online Love Story. It's a great example of what taking the right risk does. I don't encourage anyone to be dumb, stupid or unsafe but I do encourage you to take the risk and be open to love even if you get your heart broken, it's better than never risking it and never figuring out if you actually have one to break.

What Legacy Will You Leave?

Here lately I've been thinking about what kind of legacy I want to leave, my family and the world. As you know I just turned 39 years old and as I get older I do think of my own mortality, now I'm not thinking I'm going to die tomorrow nor am I wishing for death but I'm not stupid enough to think I'm not going to die. I've gone to the memorials of some older passing family members of my own and Matt's and have started to think about my legacy.

Today I went up to Lynnwood, a little suburb city of Seattle to honor Matt's uncle, Malvin Axel Magnusson, he just passed about two weeks ago and his Elks Club where he had been a member for 50 years was honoring him. Do people of this generation make that kind of commitment to service anymore? Wow, I was in awe he was certainly a beloved man by family and friends and they came out to honor him, swap stories, look at photos of their friend. Now if you don't know what the Elks is it's a fraternal order, I don't think many young men join things like that today, young people have an image to uphold. They serve their community and try to uphold causes of justice. Matt's uncle was 79 years old and died while doing something for his club, making them some wood shelving. He is Matt's dad's oldest brother and although Matt's dad's was adopted as a baby by some neighbors he found this side of his family in his 20s and reunited with them. So I could have been a Magnusson instead of a Berg. His uncle's life was spent in military service in the Navy, the stories I heard were of a kind neighbor, loving husband, great father and grandfather, wonderful brother, and good friend. You know we see a lot of things on the television about famous people and emulating that fame but really it's people like Matt's uncle that should be emulated, the quiet and unassuming among us who do the right thing just because it's the right thing to do. I was awed and humbled by the love I saw and felt in that room, as his son gave his father's eulogy I saw grown men who probably don't cry often in their lives break down in full out tears. It's so nice to see the love and legacy that his Uncle Mal left. I only got to meet him once but he was certainly memorable and I was glad I got the chance to meet him.

As I sat there and weeped along with them as I felt the outpouring of love, sadness, and celebration I thought this is the kind of legacy I want to leave. The kind, where, when I leave this earth I'll be missed.

And the Invites Are Off and Running

Okay, the invitations for the wedding are out in the United States Mail so we're off and running. Well all the planning so far is going well without a lot of the drama that I was first dreading when I thought about all the things that need to happen. This wedding is small about 30 guests so the invitations were easy, I found some I adored online, got them done and mailed, cost me all of 100 bucks. We're on a budget here, I don't believe in going into debt for a wedding. That's not the important part, the marriage is the important part and I will not be going into that with debt from a damn wedding. Now, it's time to get these bridesmaids in shape. I only have two bridesmaids and my best friend is my maid of honor, so three ladies. They get their choice in dresses, the only restrictions regarding that is that the dress has to be hot pink/fuchsia, short (knee-length) and they wear silver shoes. Sounds really easy...huh? Well, I'm not positive if they're thinking the same thing. My two bridesmaids are my 14 and 15 year old nieces and man they are indecisive. So I think in a little bit I may have the crack the whip on them, this is not their opportunity to be glamour girls but you'd swear they were dressing for the red carpet with the indecisiveness. So far it's going well, I've got a few things I need to do. Matt needs to get his suit altered and we both need to buy our shoes for the wedding. These are two pairs I'm think about these Fuchsia sling backs and this pair of Fuchsia pumps. I do adore shoe shopping and one the last things I need do is get cupcakes, because we aren't having a traditional wedding cake. We also have an appointment with our pastor, so it's perking right along. I must say as the days get closer, I get more and more excited about this marriage. Although I love weddings, it really is just one day and I'm so psyched about spending my life with this person so that portion can't come fast enough for me. We also have set up the honeymoon, we're going to one our favorite spots McMenamin's Edgefield which is awesome unique hotel and resort for about a week it's in Troutdale, Oregon. We're gonna save a little money because next year the plan is go on a huge family vacation with my family to Alaska on a Disney Cruise. So keep looking out for more updates up until the big day!

Oh I'd also like to share our wedding website with you guys. I really love it, I did through theknot.com so if you're getting married they are awesome resource here it is, Eugenia and Matt's Wedding Site

Oh Have I Told You About My Move

Head slap, oh the move. What an absolute nerve-wracking disaster. Now that's it's done and Matt and I are settling in our new place I've calmed down enough to write about what a horror the move was. I also want to tell  you how much I love and adore Matt without him I would have jumped somebody on the day of that move. I'm so grateful that's he's the man of the house and don't mind taking care of business. It's nice to have someone who's okay with that sort of thing, it's fantastic that I no longer have to take up that role. But I digress a bit, it was a harrowing move to say the least.

So let's begin at the beginning I wake to a beautiful Seattle day, I was so happy about the weather was nice. Moving is bad enough with having to do it while it's raining. So that was great but I did mention that this was also my birthday, so I was really looking forward to a easy move and a chance to relax that evening with my sweetheart as we celebrated my birthday and eased into celebrating his the next day. Well the movers had other plans, I decided to wait down at my mom's place while the moving took place. Everything had been packed up and was waiting for the moving trucks so as I left that morning to pick up some breakfast from McDonald's for myself and sweetie, I noticed that there were two small moving trucks pulling up outside my apartment building. Something should have told me something was amiss right off the bat, because I've used movers before and they always come in one truck never two. So I leave, pick up breakfast, come back, give Matt his and go down to my mama's and stretch out on her couch to relax as the move takes place. Now, I've just said above that I've used movers before and so has Matt so were estimating to move these things from our old place to the new place at the maximum amount of time...four hours. I've done this before and that's about how long it took and it was done well. I have no idea who these folks were but if you ever come across a moving company called 'Two Guys with a Heart and a Truck' do not and I mean DO NOT use them to move your items. A one bedroom apartment with not a lot of furniture took these folks 8 hours to move. I was flabbergasted and they'd estimated with Matt about 4 hours and they were charging by the hour. I was sitting there and every once in awhile Matt would check in and say how badly things were going, that one of the guys was a good worker and the other guy didn't want to do anything, he didn't want to work as team, he was being fussy and lazy. I decided not to go up much because my nerves can only take so much foolishness before I go completely haywire. Matt's patience is so much more longer than mine so some things it's better for him to handle. But after some time even he had had enough and by the end of the fourth hour, even without everything packed he wanted that lazy nitwit out of there and so did I.

We drove up north to our new place in Mountlake Terrace, somehow one of their trucks had broken down, wow and they wanted to include the time it took for them to fix the truck in the working hours, yea right! By the time they started unpacking the guy who had been doing most of the work was fed up with the lazy bastard and completely stopped helping him and the lazy bastard broke three pieces of my furniture, two pieces he decided to lie and say they were already broken. I've moved most of my furnishing three different times, once with movers, twice with just my brothers and a friends helping and never broke a thing. He was careless and lazy, what a horrid combination. So this all began at 9 am in the morning at about 4:45 pm here comes lazy bastard asking for Matt to sign paperwork. My boxes were everywhere, things weren't placed in the right rooms, my headboard and table were broke, we still had to go back to the old place and move items that had not been moved and he wanted Matt to sign off on this 8 hours of tomfoolery. Let me just do my Whitney impression 'HELL TO THE NAW!' I instructed Matt not to sign that paper and get his boss on the line and complain, which he did. I like that Matt actually listens to me and doesn't fight with me about everything to try to one-up me in a power struggle, my ex did that all the time. The guy starts to loud talk, Matt, let me just say this and then move on. The lazy ass moving us was a black guy, which is neither here nor there because the guy who was working hard was also a black guy. But what I sometimes get so frustrated about black people, in general, is our tendency to try to loud talk people especially when we're so obviously in the wrong. I know we'll do it with white people because we're trying to intimidate folks. I find it crass and unnecessary and when I heard him talking to Matt, I thought I'd come in and say something because I'd had enough. But here's a clue my future husband is 6'4" over 250 lbs I wouldn't buck with him and once Matt got through telling him off, he shut the hell up. I told him no one was going to sign anything, this entire move had taken too long and to get away from my front door. He said something to me, but he was saying on the other side of a closed door in his face.

It was long day and while the move from hell was going on, we'd also got news that the apartment that were going to move in was now unavailable because it was having a major leak, so we'd be moved into another apartment. I was more than unhappy about that but I was tired and frustrated by the move so I couldn't sufficiently fuss with the management about that surprise that happened the morning of the move. And actually that turned out really well in the end, we decided to stay in the place the management gave us as a replacement. At least one blessing came out this, I love my new apartment, I love my new community and I love my sweetheart, he is the greatest. And as for the movers, well there are hot letters in there future although they went down on the charges, I personally think with the incompetence in this move it should have been totally free. I will be reporting these the folks at the government level because I feel like someone tried to pull the 'bait and switch', yea that's me, I want ish on people's permanent record. And my mom always said, the pen is mightier than the sword. Words to live by.

Lawd Have Mercy, They Hot!-Fast Five

This will be my last post this month because tomorrow everything will be packed up for moving. I've decided to give everyone something they might enjoy. The cast of Fast Five, I've seen of most of the Fast and Furious franchise, I know it may be strange but I'm a girl that loves the big-time shoot 'em up with lots of stuff blowing up for no reason. Yea for action movies and yea for ones that contain a super hot cast of man candy. So this edition should have something for everyone to ogle but for real, nothing like hot men two-fisting some guns. I'm so excited about seeing it, it comes out tomorrow for those of you in the United States. Enjoy ladies and get some fresh batteries.

Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson, good lord what can I say about him that hasn't already been said he is in the Hall of Fame of Fineness.

Fernando Chien, hmm new Asian cutie, yes!

Paul Walker, come on don't you really want to have his OOW baby LOL!

Sang Kang, he's a hottie, love the Asian loves. 

Tyrese Gibson, he's a chocolate drop and yea he's fine, I don't discriminate. 

Vin Diesel, classic hotness. 

Matt Schulze, he is fine to me, I don't know about you but I like the tough guy look.