Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot and Sweet!-Jason Bateman

OMG! Oh Jason Bateman, my fantasy first boyfriend and husband. I've loved him long time, really I have. Since middle school when I first was burgeoning into my womanhood and figured out that boys were more than an annoyance, they were cute. Yes when he was Derrick on 'Silver Spoons' next to also cute Rick Schroeder. Oh, how I loved the annoying jerk that was Derrick. Then when he grew up and was on 'Valerie's Family' and I saw that just like me he had grown up and come into his full hotness. Oh bejesus, he is so cute to me. He is the quintessential 'boy next door', the hottie that don't bask in their hotness, the humble, sweet, funny guy that was cute when you were young and now so smokin' hot he's leaving burn marks wherever he goes. The perfectly mussed brunette hair, just itching for your fingers to run through it, those gorgeous eyes that are mesmerizing, he's a bit of undercover Svengali. But the best part is, I don't think he realizes how incredibly handsome he is or if he does it makes no difference to him. I know he's a family man with a wife and kids and lucky bastards that they are. But I've always love Jason and he's so funny, I'm so glad his star is shining again he certainly deserves it. I'm actually looking forward to seeing him in Horrible Bosses, looks like my kind of dark and crazy sense of humor in a movie.

Jason if you ever see this, I'd just like to let you know that I really have always loved you. You really are the ideal white boy and out of all my movie star crushes maybe the closest for me to thinking we could trip across each other at the coffee shop, fall deeply in love, get married, and have babies. Yes, it's a little twisted but really he brings out the domesticated woman in me. My fantasy husband, Jason Bateman. How does Eugenia Bateman sound?

Update: It's Been Slow on Here But Fast in My Life

Hi Everyone, I'm just checking in to say no I haven't disappeared from the face of the earth but I am more busy this summer than I usually am in summertime. I have our wedding coming up in September so I'm getting things done for that wonderful event. I'm also trying to make sure I don't stress out or no one stresses me out in these last days to the wedding so I don't go completely Bridezilla. We only have 80 more days to go.

I am also working more, I used to have two classes to teach a week as an adjunct instructor, this summer I've been assigned four. So I'm working Tuesday to Friday, I love it but it does keep me busy and away from the blog. But don't worry I should be back soon with some odd observations, pearls of wisdom or weirdness and a smokin' hot guy or two. Don't give up on me, this girl's just got some life to live. See you guys!

Metrosexuals, Need Not Apply

Like most people I had my preferences when it came to men. I have certain shallow things that I find attractive in  men, them being tall, pretty eyes, nice smile, tats (although Matt doesn't have one) but you get what I'm saying. There are some things on the outer part of a man that can draw me in, they may not keep me if he's a jerk but they certainly can draw me. But one of them is not the man that is a metrosexual, uh-unh, no way Jose, can't do it. Matt as you may have noticed in pics of him is very casual, all the time. He loves cargo pants/shorts, t-shirts, his tennis shoes, and simple hair cut. That's him and I like that about him, he's a simple guy. I know today many men are into the metrosexual thing, the fancy jeans, long-sleeved printed shirts, faux hawks and gelled spiky hair, the fancy dress shoes and many women like that questionable look from men. I am not one of them. Any man that spends more time in the mirror, at the hairdresser, or on his face and nails than I do was not my type of man. Really men should be able to shower, shave, comb his hair and throw some clothes on in about 30 minutes and that's giving him a lot of time. I can't stand some of the stuff I see guys in, younger guys I get they're young and don't know know better. But I've seen men in their 40's with them fruity jeans on that have design stitching on the pocket. Good gravy! Really...the only jeans a man should wear are Levi's and maybe Old Navy but no designs on the pocket. Levi's is the only jean manufacturer that didn't follow that tacky trend and that's why I love Levi's. No dress shirts with buttons open and designs all over them and for God's sake, no Ed Hardy! I'd beat my man senseless if he ever appeared to me in Ed Hardy. I'm a simple kind of woman myself, my tastes in clothing is pretty simple. Guys to me look more like guys when they keep it simple. Even in a suit, which is not something Matt wears frequently, I like that he's keeping it simple. A basic grey suit for our wedding with a blue shirt and blue tie and black shoes. No suit in colors not seen in nature, no Now n' Later gators, just simple and classic. That's the look I like from men simple and classic. He's got a basic short haircut, that I can run my hands through and not ruin and not get goop all over my fingers. I love that about his hair, it's wash and go, simple and classic. I think all the dolling up should be women's exclusive property, where men should fear to tread.

'Braxton Family Values' Teaches Black Women a Valuable Lesson

I watch 'Braxton Family Values' on WE tv regularly, I actually really like the show. If you haven't seen it, it's a reality show with superstar Toni Braxton's family, she has four sisters of which she is the oldest and it also focuses on  their relationship with each other and their individual households. Toni and her sisters, Trina, Traci, Tamar and Towanda all are having issues and their own personal struggles as well as the dynamic of being sisters. Now I have no sisters, I'm the only girl in my family with three brothers. It makes me a little spoiled but I kind of like not having sisters and watching Braxton Family Values makes me kind of glad I don't have any sisters. Although they love each other dearly and their mom who's also on the show, Evelyn, it seems that as most people there are probably not always feeling sisterly love.

As much as I love the show in recent episodes I've noticed something very distinct that the sisters have in common, even Tamar the only one in a half-decent marriage has it. They have all picked atrociously in regards to the men in their lives, even their father was a bad pick for their mother. Their mother, Evelyn, had never dated anyone but their father as she said 'he was my first everything' which is a tad scary. Their father was a minister and while he was very religious he was not very Christian and had a nine year affair while married to their mother at the end of their almost 30 year marriage and when he divorced her within a month was married to the other woman. Now tomorrow night is the finale and Dad will finally make an appearance after standing all the girls up when they went to Maryland, their birthplace, in the last episode. That being said, it occurred to me that their mother not having a clue how to pick a man has passed that on to Toni and her sisters. Toni and her ex are now separated and she is going through a bankruptcy, he seems less than supportive of her and their two boys. Trina's husband is a bit of philander and she's having issues with alcohol. Towanda and her husband are separated but still living in the same house 'for the children's sake' but he's dating other people and she's the only one working and paying bills. I really must say this is the most egregious of them all, I wonder what she thinks she's teaching her children about marriage and fathers and mothers. They have a little boy and girl, they are passing on the sad lesson that even in misery you need to stay together. Children are very aware of how miserable their parents are, they are sensitive to that and really the best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother. That situation is lunacy on another level. Traci is stuck in Maryland still and wants to be closer to her family but her husband resents her family relationships. He also does what he likes, takes excellent care of himself while he doesn't do that so much with Traci. Tamar is married to a record executive and although he seems to love her, she's a lot to bear and I'm thinking he only wanted her as a trophy wife and she's not wanting to fulfill that role.

While I noticed this and I wonder if any of them have noticed that their mother had no wisdom about picking men, so they each had no wisdom about picking men. They are each beautiful women who I think like many black women are convinced that only a black man will do instead of only a good man will do. As much as I love the show and Tamar's .com quotes every few minutes it saddens me that their many black women who are getting this same information in our society. Instead of telling their girls they are worthy of the best man, black girls are being told that no one will ever get you but a black man and black men are the only men who appreciate and love black women. And as young and old black women, we take any man because their is no wisdom behind the decision and in a lot of cases like some of the Braxton sisters we are stuck and can't figure out how to get out a bad marriage or we're picking up the pieces of the bad decision we made along with our kids. And although Trina's husband is Hispanic, she still picked poorly and the disaster shows. This is not about not picking black men and picking other men, this is about not picking bad men and picking good men. If there is no one there to show you the difference you can end up in trouble. Now people end up trouble even with the best advice from mothers by not listening, I was one of those people. But if you have five girls and all of them have chosen fairly poorly, somebody missed a lesson and it was probably mom.

Dollar That Makes No Sense

What the hey is going with the church? I'm asking this question but there probably is no answer to it besides people have decided to follow people instead of God and God has left the building because of the foolishness. I've followed some the stuff with the Eddie Long pedophile case and yes he is a pedophile, he needs to be locked up to serve a sentence and needs some mental help. No one sends photos like that to impressionable young men and calls himself a man of God, that thought is disgusting in and of itself. Jesus protected the innocent, he didn't exploit them for His own sexual pleasure. Now we have the smarmy Creflo Dollar coming out to defend him, asking Long's parishioners to forgive him and not to leave his church. Personally if my Pastor had been accused of trying to molest boys and then settled the case for millions of dollars, I would be running from the pew as fast my legs could carry me. I have no idea what is going on with supposed believers, we're just believing anything but the word of God. Just because he got up there and preached for some years does not mean he is, was or ever will be a man of God. Devil sits in the church, the pulpit, on the deacon board and in the choir just like the Christians do. I wonder how many Christians realize that, probably only the ones that have some discernment which as I look around looks like not many.

I'm a Christian it's not something I throw in people's face but it's also not something I hide. I have another wonderful gift from God, it's called discernment which means I can tell shenanigans when I see them. Mr. Long is a man, like most men he is faulty, ego-driven, and probably a little power hungry. We set ministers up in churches like they are gods, then they become our gods, our idols, we forget about God, doing His will, reading His words, trusting and obeying Him and we start trusting and obeying a fool who has feet of clay then we're so devastated when we find that fact out. I was betrayed once by a Pastor, not in sexual way but I worked for a Pastor many years ago who decided she needed a convenient scapegoat since she wasn't doing her job as the Pastor and choose me. Church hurt is some the most damaging and worst hurt in the world, it goes along with the betrayal of a spouse or family member. For some people it is difficult to overcome and for many, they never overcome it. You have a high-calling when you are to serve God's people, one the highest and when you betray that by exploiting people and then feign innocence, yes there is a special place in hell just for you. I've made some comments on different sites today talking about this issue and someone had commented that 'we shouldn't mess with God's annointed' HA! Whatever, no one and I mean no one is annointed to molest children, where has our mind gone as supposed Christians that we don't even recognize right from wrong.

You know today was one of those days I held my head in my hands. As a black woman when I'm in public and there is a group of rowdy or rude black people, I always feel a sense of shame. I know I shouldn't but I do because all I'm ever thinking is 'please Lord don't let these other people standing here watching and listening to these fools think I'm part of this foolishness'. That's the way I feel about this situation with Dollar and Long, as a Christian I don't want people to think that Christians are okay with this foolishness, that we aren't as disgusted about this mess as anyone else is. I feel a sense of shame and some people don't realize that sometimes the things we do hurt God and this is definitely one of those times. I know people are wondering, why doesn't God do something? But if you know God, like I do you know God can't involve Himself in anything that is not of him. He still lets us have free will, he doesn't punish us per se because when we make evil choices, especially consciously make them, we will be punished there is nothing else that can happen. Evil cannot and will not be rewarded, ever. Mr. Long has much suffering to do, certainly people can forgive him but it behoove them not to forget, it also doesn't mean he is somehow exempt from being punished. I have a huge faith in God and I also love my own Pastor but I don't take everything my Pastor says on faith, blind faith is lazy faith and if you're not reading your bible for yourself, your walk with God is in trouble. My prayer is that those victimized by Mr. Long can heal and not leave God, leaving Long's church is what people need to do but I would pray that they don't leave God. But you know what, if they do I'm not at all surprised.

Small Weddings and My Fear of Bridezilla

Matt and I have changed our minds on what type of wedding to have a million times, I must say we both are sometimes indecisive people. It sometimes riles my nerves that people have so many opinions regarding our wedding but aren't really willing to help in any significant way and most definitely are not giving any funds to it. The funds part is fine, there is still a recession going on and folks are watching their pennies.  My family is not independently wealthy nor is Matt's family so we're doing this the way a lot of couples do their weddings nowadays, we're doing it ourselves. Now doing it ourselves really means neither us have a lot of time to do planning, Matt is busy working, I'm busy working and really I'm just not the party/wedding planning kind of gal. I know many women have dreamed of their wedding day but I'm not that woman. I knew I wanted to get married, I just wasn't all hyped up about a wedding. As a practical person all I see with big weddings is dollar signs and bills. I've known people take out $25, 000 loans for a wedding. Are you freaking kidding? It's tough enough to start a marriage but starting with $25K in debt is just stupid. So we've made a final decision with 96 days to go, it's actually the decision we should have made in the first place and the one I suggested. As much as I'd like to have a wedding with a ton of people invited, we can't reasonably afford it and since no one is offering any monetary help we do what we need to do. The wedding is just a small part to me, the marriage is way more important and we refuse to go into any kind of debt for a wedding. So we're doing small family ceremony, no attendants, we did have those for a minute but that's out now and then just dinner at a restaurant we like, where everyone can pay for their own meal. My best friend is giving us a pre-celebration party in August but that's about it. I'm more excited about being married to Matt than I'll ever be about some damn wedding. But I have a dress, he's buying a nice suit and we're gonna look good up there saying our vows. So the only thing I have to buy is his ring, my shoes, something for my hair, and maybe jewelry but I'm thinking I have some beautiful jewelry hiding in my jewelry box just have to dig around and find it. Then after that we are off to Oregon for our honeymoon at Edgefield McMenimin's resort.

I'm glad we're doing this, it relieves the stress of planning something out. I hate planning. I watched 'Bridezillas' over the weekend and I'm just saying  you guys, that show frightens me a little. I don't want to be that wound up my last week before the wedding, I do not want to be that girl. I think it's the need for perfection and family stress that makes these folks so goddamned bitchy. The best part, since all I'm worried about is marrying the man I love and all he's worried about his marrying me we can skip the wedding drama-land. The most wonderful thing about Matt and I is in most things we are of like-mind. It makes working these things out with him so very easy.

The Magic Bullet List

Many take the desperation that black women have regarding their prospects for a loving mate and play on them

Oh I love the magic bullet, I swear some of us are so desperate in our attempts to find romance we'll believe anything anyone says. Especially when it says, well it's not you, it's them. I see the magic bullet list items all over the internet. I see them on tons of websites, I've seen them so much that hell I started to believe some of it. That's usually how a lie works, you hear it enough and then all of a sudden it starts to become true. But I'm a critical thinker, something that is sadly lacking in this world. I swear if people see something on television or read it on the internet they just take for granted it's the truth and that person is telling the truth. In a post I had a while back called You Better Be Suspicious I talk about the good points of being suspicious of what folks say. I know this isn't taught by many people but doubt is a good thing sometimes, it can help us not be taken advantage of. I understand that as women we all want to hold out hope that all that stuff you've been reading on relationship website or in those relationship articles is true but really it just all depends. When I write things in this blog regarding relationships especially those involving black women and non-black men I try to use language like some, sometimes, maybe. I stay away from absolutes because they are so unreliable, nothing I write in here is for everyone some may be able to use it, some may not. It doesn't bother me if you can or if you can't. I'm hear telling my story because someday I'd like to look back on this and see how I've changed. That's always my goal to be ever evolving, to be different than I was the day before, to learn, to grow. In a few years I may have changed my mind regarding some of these things because my experiences may have altered it so there are no absolutes. And when people start talking, writing, or advising in absolutes I get fairly suspicious and fast. Believe me when I say, everyone has an agenda even I have one. Some are admirable, some...not so much.

. Unfortunately there are many gullible black women as there are many gullible women, period. Those women who are desperate for an answer to why they are lonely or cannot maintain a relationship, why men don't talk to them and really the best way to sell your shit to never blame the person always blame the other person. We live in a microwave society in the U.S., everyone wants everything today and they don't want to do any work to get it. We want what others have but are unwilling to do the work or make the sacrifices they have to gain it. We just think we deserve it and like little children, we want it NOW!  So in comes your savior with magic bullet list, here to tell you that if you A-B-C and D the man your dreams will drop out the sky and pledge his undying love to you. I have yet to hear of someone using this magic formula to the letter and having it work. I always say the proof is in the pudding, no tangible results means that crap don't work. Bringing out this 'experts' with nary a credential between them and if they got a degree it has no CV to match. I'm sorry when you say experts, I think of experts like the ones I used to use in my career a paralegal with CVs 5 pages long and some proof of their expertise, anybody can write a book. Really the magic bullet list are never called this because then you couldn't believe in them, they have names like formula, rules, and such. The premise always is, we're breaking you down to build you up, you're incapable of finding someone on your own so you need my magic bullet bullshit list and it will happen for you. I'm calling shenanigans on all the magic bullet list that I've seen for black women regarding non-black men. There is no formula, there are suggestions, there's stuff you can try but that doesn't mean it's going to work. But that doesn't mean give up hope and just close yourself in your condo and get some cats. We cannot get things instantly it takes some effort on both people's part to find love and good relationship and to maintain it. If you haven't found love, all that means is it's just not your time. I get sick of people crying and whining, why hasn't it happened for me. You're not the only one who would like a relationship, blow the snot out of your nose and get out there and make yourself available for love dammit. Really I dislike the magic bullet list, I'm going to list some things I've seen from it and tell you why it's total bullshit.



-White men are shy -that's a damn lie, some and I'll say it again some men are shy, white, black, Latino, Asian yea some are shy. But believe me a bunch are not, get a clue on what men do when they flirt and learn to flirt back. White men may flirt different but he will flirt. I'm thinking this came from people who have never been around white people ever and think they are so different. If you knew any white people, you'd understand why this is a crock of shit.

-White men only like dark-skinned women -what kind of bs is this, I've seen white men with every hue of black woman from fair to blue-black. Men like what they like and for some men that's consistent while for others it is not.

-You need to go to Europe to find a white man -while European white man don't have all the racial baggage we have here in the U.S. there is no guarantee you will go there and the men will be falling at your feet. Really, if something is wrong with you no matter where you go, you will still be there. American men date and marry black women all the time, you are not hunting for leprechaun gold trying to find a man. Just pay attention to your surroundings and have some reasonable expectations.

-White men go for black women with natural hair -I swear I hate this one so much and this is such nonsense I want to go out and do speeches on the street about it. Hear this, white men don't know anything about black women's hair, black men barely do. But rest assured, white men don't know if your hair is natural, permed, or fake unless you tell him. My Matt has dated 2 other black women besides me and he still has no idea the difference between natural and permed. Men don't worry about those sorts of things, only women.

No matter who you are, no matter what you look like, there is someone out there for you. Why would YOU be the only person in the world there isn't someone to love you or for you to love. Yes, you're going to be rejected but let's stop with the narcissism that only we should be able to reject people and never be rejected. Get out there and do something, get out of your comfort zone, take up some new hobbies, do some things to get yourself prepared so when love shows up you'll be ready. That's what we don't do we're so worried about why someone else isn't doing something instead of doing something ourselves that will have us prepared for the love of our lives. Why should you ever have something you are not prepared for? Black women, white men and other non-black men are attracted to you, stop trying to contort yourself into something you are not. Be yourself, you're worthy of love just the way you are. Be the best you and that will attract the best to you.

If you want to ask me something specifically and privately, click here and I'll see if I can help you. I won't be able to answer everything but I'll definitely try.

Star's Favorite...Movies-Snatch

'Snatch' is and will always be one of my favorite movies. I've got a really dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor. It can be odd for a girl, particularly a black one to have the kind of sense of humor I do. It is one of the funniest movies ever and I do particularly love British humor because it's so dry and witty. So when I first checked this movie out on DVD I was clutching my side trying not to pee on myself it was so funny. But not only does it contain the humor I loved, it also contained something else I love in movies, gratuitous violence. Yes, I like funny violence which makes me an oddity among most women black, white and everything else. I don't want to tell you the movie because I hate when people sweat movies, you have to see it yourself. But if you're a fan of 'Pulp Fiction' and lord knows I'm a fan of that movie you'll love Guy Ritchie's British flair showing in the tough streets of London and it's underworld and the quest to get back a 86 carat diamond. It has stars galore, Benicio Del Toro, Brad Pitt (in a role that makes his body in 'Fight Club' look like your beer belly uncle), Jason Statham, Dennis Farina, and Vinnie Jones. It is fabulous with characters with names like Turkish, Doug the Head, Bricktop, and Bullet Tooth Tony you can't go wrong. The lines of course are fabulous, I really am a person that loves a good repeatable line in a movie and the soundtrack was so awesome, I bought it. It's always a good thing when a movie has a stellar soundtrack and is a dang good movie. I say check it out, you will not be sorry I recommended it.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-TV Docs

Ah the television doctor, not just the one that plays a doctor on television but the ones that are actually doctor and do television commentary. Good gracious there is nothing like a handsome man with a big brain and probably some excellent skillful hands. Hello there, doctor!

Dr. Mehmet Oz, I so love Dr. Oz loved his show, loved him on Oprah he's just so handsome to me. I've never seen him out those scrubs but hubba hubba!

 Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who regularly appears and does commentary on CNN. He's a brilliant doctor and humanitarian and just extremely good looking.

Dr. Drew Pinsky, Dr. Drew was and is my favorite tv doctor crush. I remember watching him on 'Love Line' on MTV many years ago. He is sexy, got the silver fox thing going for him, I love the glasses and his voice could melt butter even talking about your drug rehab stay it could melt butter. 

Dr. Ian Smith, he is real looker. I love his campaign to try to curb obesity in the black community. Come on he's a hot doctor, what else can I say. 

And last but certainly not least, Dr. Travis Stork from 'Bachelor' fame and 'The Doctors' really I could give a hell about the 'Bachelor' thing but lord he is cute. This was wonderful suggestion by one my readers, Cheri. Thank you so much for the reminder. 

I'm thinking I might be catching a cold, anyone got appointments open and good bedside manner?