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Friday, July 29, 2011

Well, What About Strippers?

As you know, some things to me are worth battling around the earth about, others, not so much. One I don't and wouldn't waste my time on is strippers for Matt's bachelor party. I watch Bridezillas regularly, it's kind of like staring at car accident you really want to look away from the mayhem but for some reason you can't. One of the things on there that brides regularly do that irks the hell out me, is be all insecure and weird when their fiance has a bachelor party and there is a possibility of strippers. What is with all the heart attack drama when a guy's friends/family mention that they'll be having a stripper or going to the strip club for his bachelor's party. I wrote a blog many moons ago about Matt and my visit to a strip club in Las Vegas during our birthday trip. It was a sight to behold but never while I was there was I intimidated or felt weird about the strippers. Why? Well, here's why I'm very secure in my relationship with Matt, the most secure I've ever felt with anyone. He makes me feel like the only woman in the world even in a club full of strippers. I also think that if you're so freaked about your man going to strip club because you think he's gonna stray maybe you shouldn't be marrying that man.

My bachelorette party is in a few weeks, me and the girls are going to see the Chippendale's dances at the Tulalip Casino Resort and Hotel, casino run by the Tulalip Tribe (as an aside I ain't even mad at Native Americans for taking my money on the slots and black jack table, they are owed. Really if black people had any sense, we'd get a casino but of course we have no sense). The following week he and the guys will be heading to a Mariner's baseball game and going to a strip club. When he told me, I was like 'have a good time'. I don't get it, I am less than freaked about him going to a strip club. Especially since I'll be ogling sweaty, hot men cut up like julienne'd potatoes the week before. I can't be no hypocrite. One of the women on Bridezillas went so far as to try to pretend she was one of her fiance's friends to find out if he was having a bachelor party at the strip club, it didn't work. Although she had a nasty, greasy stank stripper at her party, puhleeze! One the women went so far as to come to the bachelor party with her fiance, the levels of insecurity and neediness in that act are astounding.

I don't know, I'm just glad I'm not 'THAT GIRL' and that I'm woman enough to let my man have some fun before he walks down the aisle. I don't want him at the strip club all the time, not particularly because of the naked women but I just don't want no other woman getting my (i.e. his money) money. Listen, I'm practical. Have fun, baby!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I'll Pay Anything for a Pair of Pants

When I say that, I don't mean any pants I mean a pair that actually fit. I don't know who designs women's pants but I'm thinking it's the devil because they never fit me. As with most black women, I have a small waist some ample hips and big ol' round bubble butt. There's no other way to call it, my butt must contribute to a decent portion of my weight now luckily I have a boobs that are pretty proportional but I never have issues finding shirts that fit or skirts or dresses but pants are the bane of my existence. I do mean I will pay anything for a pair of slacks, khakis, shorts, or jeans that fit correctly. I suffer from what is affectionately called whale tail, isn't that cute...NOT! Because my hips, butt, and thighs are a tad on the meaty side I can never find pants that fit. Even when I was thinner than I am now in my 20s, I had the same issue because my butt and hips ain't going nowhere no matter how much weight I lose or gain. Yes, I am curvy vuluptous so I buy a size 14 pants but the waist is always too big. Now I've heard that maybe I should take them to the tailor to have them altered but really I'd have to take every pair of pants I own and some of those I'd end up paying a tailor more to alter the pants than I paid for the pants. Why can't anyone just make pants for women who have butts? I can't be the only woman complaining about this. Pants seem to be made for women who are shaped like Tide boxes, really that's not how the majority of women are shaped. Most of us black and white women have hips and some kind of behind, albeit some are smaller than others. Too bad for those girls.

Recently my favorite pair of pants I bought many moons ago from the Gap started to show wear and tear, by that I mean a hole was coming into the seat of the pants. I really loved those pants, they fit great so I wore them often. They were a nice pair of dressy or casual cigarette black pants. I adored them because it's so hard for me to find a nice pair of pants that fit when I do, I'll wear them out. Well I was saddened and dismayed by this turn of events so I went on the hunt to find a replacement pair. Mind you, I have several pair of black pants but these I really did love the way they fit and looked, perfect in all the right places. I bought a pair online, I should know better than to buy a pair of pants online by now I got them and they fit terrible. I found a pair at Target, they were okay but I still wasn't feeling the love. So last Friday, I'm on a shopping spree picking up things for my wedding, undergarments, bought Matt a nice tie for his suit at Nordstrom, you know perusing. I came upon my pants while in the Gap, again, buying a t-shirt. Oh, sweet baby jesus, I was so happy after these many years they were selling those pants. I got my size, took them home and viola they fit just great as the last pair. Joy has come to Eugenia in her pants shopping. I bought them and didn't even check the price. I could care less when it comes to pants, I will pay anything. I happily bought two, mind you two pair, of Magic Johnson's wife Cookie's CJ jeans and shelled out $250 bucks to do it like nothing. I love those jeans, they are still my two favorite pair and they always fit correctly with no gaps in the back and hug my curves like a baby's mama. I'm planning on going back to buy another pair asap. I would like to know why I have to be willing to give up my first born to get a pair of pants that fit correctly but I'm thinking that I'll figure it out. So I go on in my quest to find the perfect pants to fit my perfect curves. Oh well, it's the price I pay for being curvy vuluptous.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Sometimes...You Need to Listen to What is Said and Not Said

I know people like to talk, I'm one of those people. I really do like to talk and women on average use about 16,000 more words a day than men. We can talk, we talk about emotions, feelings, we gossip, we talk funny stuff, we talk sad stuff but we as women and men neglect to do is listen. Most people don't listen to a thing you say, I'm guilty of that too. Most of the time when people are talking to me I'm thinking I really don't care. The other part of this is that many people aren't listening more than they're waiting to talk. Listening is a lost skill in this world of narcissitic self-involvement. The reason we twitter, facebook, and blog is because we love talking about ourselves and we want someone to listen. We love it so much we've dedicated whole websites to self-involvement and promotion. Now you may disagree but after having been a paralegal for 10 years, I'll tell you one thing that I definitely learned. People love to talk, you set them up and they'll knock them down. As a paralegal one of the most important jobs was to listen to people and when I say listen I don't mean just hear them but to actively listen. Which means you take in their words, dissect them, make conclusions and go from there. Most people are dying to tell you their story but some people just want to hide the no so good parts. In law it's lying by omission and to me not saying something is just like outright lying about something. It's not different, not mentioning that you're marrying is just like lying about being married. I've been wanting to write this blog for awhile because as women we are notorious for not listening the things that men say and don't say to us. We live in perpetual fantasy of inferring what we think men mean when they say things or don't say things. Most men when they first meet women are trying to put their best foot forward or at least the foot they want you to see. This means he's telling her only the good parts of him, which I can certainly understand until you move forward in your relationship no one need know all your dirty laundry. But in those first couple of meetings, dates or phone calls you can glean quite a bit about a man without him ever knowing that he's giving up information. When I had clients I wanted them to tell me everything, I worked in defense and the one thing you didn't want in a defense strategy was for opposing counsel to pop up with some news about your client you had not knowledge of.

Well, how does active listening begin on the dating scene first of all it begins with you. In a past blog called 'Sometimes...Well All the Time, You Have to Know What You Want' I talked about how women who are out in the dating world should know what they want and be specific about it. Now if you don't know what you want, how do you know what you're actively listening for? Now all women want different things when it comes to relationships, so those are your parameters to set up as you see fit. Knowing what you desire in a mate, is a great way to eliminate those that don't cut the mustard. Now figuring out if a man is cheap or car-less or whatever may be pretty easy but the deeper issues he may have may be harder to find out. I'm going to say this, if you don't like asking questions this may not be for you. Because you'll have to ask questions and I don't mean grilling under the hot lights like on Law & Order but you need to be okay with asking questions, many times benign questions will get you the information you need. You want to be as nice as possible when you ask the questions, you want the person to feel comfortable and relaxed about revealing things. Don't react negatively when they say negative things, just let them talk, if you react negative they'll shut down completely. Now I'm going to give this example, I was looking for someone that was close to their family. Family is important to me and really it's hard to date/mate with someone who is not close to their family when you are, they may not understand your close relationships and may resent them, my ex-husband did. So I needed someone that was very close to their family because I'm very close to mine. So I ask questions about their family, now you may get all kinds of answers 'they live in Arizona but I go back to see them as much as possible' or 'they live here in Seattle but we don't see one another that much'. I always ask about brothers and sisters not just parents, people may see their parents but issues with brothers and sisters is sure sign to me of family issues. I don't like family drama, so I needed to steer clear. If you're concerned about a man's money habits you may bring up a recent shopping trip you had, you may get a reaction of 'oh yea what did you buy?' You say what you bought and see how he reacts, he may look confused or agitated which may mean he doesn't like spending money on frivolous things. He may tell you he doesn't shop much, he's got everything he needs in his closet which may mean he's cheap. He may tell you all about all the things he's bought over the recent weeks trying to brag about his money but to me that just means he likes bills way too much and is little too loose with his bread. It depends on what you want in the man to know how to read the signals. Watch the man's eyes, his hands, if he laughs at things nervously, and always watch if he's about to say something but stops quickly and starts to say something else, I guarantee he's lying. But I'll tell you this, DO NOT ignore signals. A man that may be divorced talking about his ex is in too negative or too positive tone means trouble for you, hit the ground running. Don't start thinking that if he had your love he'd forget all about her, you're fooling yourself. Also be ready to ask follow-up questions if you're looking for clarification or better understanding, don't let things go that are bothering you when the guy answers. You need to be quick with follow-up questions and non-threatening. Much of this depends on you being non-threatening.

Another indicator is the family dynamic. If you ever meet the family. I don't think people, men or women, get that when you meet the family on some level you're being introduced to a part of the person you date. Now this may not happen till much later but it shouldn't be more than a couple of months. If he won't introduce you to his family I'd be wary. That means he thinks something is wrong with you that they won't approve or something is wrong with his family which is even worse. But if you do get the chance to meet his family observe how they interact with one another. Watch the way his father treats his mother, believe me that's the way he'll be treating you. So when I met Matt's family and noticed that his father adores his mother, that was a good sign that Matt would treat me in a like manner. Watch the dynamic among brothers and sisters, if they have any, tension in those relationships is not good. Also please know that his friends are a reflection of him especially if he spends a significant amount of time with them.

The things I learned I learned from working as a paralegal and questioning people for so long, but you there are tons of books out there on the subject of 'reading people'. Now can I guarantee this will work all the time, heck no, but I can guarantee that if you ask questions you can make some inferences from the answers and really that's all you have. Unless he's a really nice guy that meets your standards you may never go the distance to find the whole truth about him. But I believe that God gave us instincts for a reason, listen to them.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Chris Evans

Yowza! I'm trying to keep it together, keep it together but this boy is hot! He's setting my screen on fire, the beautiful blue eyes, the brooding stare, look at them lips and that chiseled body. I can set my dinner plate on those abs! Good gravy, I think I just an orgasm. Listen, tomorrow Captain America, The First Avenger comes out and really I could care less. I really love comic book movies but I wasn't dying to see this one, I didn't really want to watch the Fantastic Four either but hold on because his fine ass is in both of them and in his new movie his body is looking like pop n' fresh muffins. Yes, I will be going but only with a girlfriend, I couldn't make Matt suffer through me slightly drooling on him over Chris Evans. What can I say, his body and face are just screaming 'please hurry and come sin with me!' Yea I'm all over it, Chris Evans.

I Get the Bad Feeling that Some Women Think Quantity Equals Quality

Now before you jump me, I am not telling women to hang out with the broke loser that doesn't have a job, never had a job, no car and doesn't have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of. But I have read some recent blog posts and it still seems to me that black women are not understanding that quantity does not always mean quality. There is a long list of things that go into being a quality man and yes, smart women marry for money and love but that's not what I'm noticing. What I am noticing is black women who have been in relationships with sorry black men, the users among us, have now decided that if a non-black man has a good job, education, a house and car, he's golden. Although those things are important in a mate that does not equal a quality man. Now I have a man that has a good job, so good I can work half-time, he's got a BS in Engineering, he didn't have a house but I'm not geeked up about the house thing, but he has car that is paid for. If that's all you're requiring you got it, he's the best man ever. But for me those things aren't special, they are a requirement, that's basically the minimum you need to have a conversation with me, less known a date.

Now you all know I don't do the new to interracial folks, they are not my bag. I've done this too long and I have no patience for the silly questions about IR dating and relationships. But after reading one of my favorite blogs I notice a lot more women are coming along that seem interested in dating non-bm and are trying to get some information on how it's done. I must say it's done like all dating is done, slowly and carefully, but the thing I think some of them have been hearing is that if they meet a 'nice' non-bm, he's got a job, paying for dates, a nice car, and he looks good you got yourself a keeper. I'm not sure that's what is being said but from the comments it seems that's what is being heard. The conversation revolved around Rupert Murdoch's wife, Wendi Deng's actions while he was testifying and got smacked in the face with a shaving creme pie. Now really that's neither here nor there, personally I find the man detestable and just b/c he's wealthy it doesn't give him a pass. He's an evil man, his company did evil things, I'm quite sure he knew about it and he's only sorry now because they got caught. She, I find being his working bulldog, is classless and really on the level of any club rat that would fight over her man at a club and if the stories told are true she's a home-wrecker, twice over. There is nothing admirable about either of these people. I'd put him on the level of Donald Trump, it's just that Trump is more of a continual joke. Rich does not mean stable, nice, good provider, or man you want to marry. Now that doesn't mean a rich man cannot be all those things, many of them are and I know wealthy men that are quality men of integrity. If you find one and he likes you, run, don't walk, down the aisle if he asks you to marry him. But many of the comments from black women, whom I only assumed were not in or had never been in a interracial relationship because if they had they'd know that a man that lets his wife fight any of his battles is a not a man. But since Rupert Murdoch was a rich man that was the least she could do and she was right for stepping up and defending her husband by slapping that man. First that's just asinine, I am marrying a man that is 6'4" and 260 lbs and really it doesn't matter how big he is the point is he's his own man. I could never dream in my wildest dreams of slapping someone on his behalf, he wouldn't let me and if I did he'd probably give me the side-eye. Which I wouldn't blame him for doing, there's something sick about a man that would ever get excited or be proud about his wife fighting or slapping people. I'm sorry it is never okay.

Rich men, poor men, white men, black men can come in bad packages and if you're eyes are so dazzled by some white guy with a nice home and car and throwing around money like it's going out of style you have missed the boat on IR dating as an option. You've gone all surface and you probably did with the black men you dated and believe me you will end up with the same kind of man you had previously just different name, face and race. Finding a quality man takes some senses I think some black women are lacking or never had or something like that. That doesn't mean they can't be taught, there are tons of quality websites out there giving sound advice to black women but the point is they have to know how to process that information. Black women are processing some of this information incorrectly and I'm not saying all black women but some have seen a way to be taken care of and quality be damned! Now you can have both black women, you can have a quality man with all the quantity too. Isn't that awesome!?! You can do both but don't be fooled all the glitters is not gold. I have known of non-bm who were wealthy, well-read, educated and it was all good on paper but in real life it was nightmare. They were narcissistic, mean, inconsiderate, selfish, cheap (with the woman not with themselves), controlling, emotionally unavailable and withdrawn, manipulators, and just plain jerks. When we start talking quality we need to look at both sides of that coin, there's more to a quality man than a fat wallet.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Michael Vartan

I am a Michael Vartan fan and although he's got the same first name as my ex-husband, I don't hold that against him. He is a handsome man, in the classically handsome sort of way. He was probably always good-looking and possibly the kind of guy who never thought himself good-looking. He was just too cool for that, that's what I like about him. He's got this wonderful, cool and kind of calming demeanor about himself. That sly, wry smile of his not all cheesy grinning but not the disgusting mean mug so people seem to have these days. It's as if he knows a secret joke, that he's telling himself in his head. He's very cool. Now he's a little thinner than I like my men but that's okay he's fit, it'll work for ogling. I also love the fact that this actor has had two black females as leading ladies in television shows, isn't that some kind record? You can barely get a bw/wm couple in any television show and this guy has done it, TWICE. I love him in HawthoRNe with Jada Pinkett Smith but I love her too and they make a great couple on television. I don't watch the show as half as much as I should but I do enjoy when I do. I like that their love affair is about love and not about being an interracial couple. I'll say it again to all those that haven't gotten the memo and as I said it in a previous blog called Interracial Relationships in the End are Just Relationships, our relationships are like any other and you don't spend all our time talking about being black and white. That's why I enjoy his interaction with Jada's character on the show, they show drama but not drama surrounding race. Amen and hallelujah! I wish the show much success. Ah but looking at this face, you have to know that nothing but success will follow it. Here we go, Michael Vartan.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Oh I am Not Feeling the Fisticuffs

What is this new trend of grown women fighting on reality television and I don't mean arguing I mean straight up, scrapping like sailors. I am deeply disturbed by this. I noticed it a few weeks ago, I was watching Basketball Wives which is really just a sad show on so many levels but that particular episode had two women fighting AGAIN. It's not the first time that women broke out in a full on battle royale on that show it was like the third time I believe. As I sat there I turned to Matt and he was like 'wow, what kind of people do that?' I thought to myself that Basketball Wives is one of many reality television shows where grown women, not teenagers, grown women in their 30s and 40s are fighting. Now really I would be disappointed to see young women in their early 20 and late teens fight but not surprised. Young people can sometimes be a tad silly but the grown women fighting thing is fair disturbing. I have never and I do mean never in my life seen two grown women fighting at a bar or club and I've been in some dodgy spots. Dodgy enough that even I had to think 'what the hell am I doing here?' But in all that time I have never seen two grown women fight or throw drinks in one another's face or any of that. I've seen so much of this behavior on reality television shows, I could make another  show featuring all the fights. There has been a fight on most of the Real Housewives shows, the one on the New Jersey show was legendary, Basketball Wives, Bad Girls, the Real World, and Mob Wives and at least threats of a fight on many other reality shows. It's just amazing that so many women who claim to be so classy and sophisticated would reduce themselves to throwing punches, drinks, and pulling hair with another grown ass woman. Never in my life would I fight with another woman, just never and any woman who threatened to do that I would just laugh at because it's so utterly ridiculous. I can't even do it anymore, it's not funny anymore it's become increasingly gross and sad. Ladies, and I use that term loosely, please stop cat-fighting because you look like fools.

Star's Favorite... Alcoholic Drinks-Champagne Cocktail

Last night I stayed up way too late and watched one of my favorite classic romances, An Affair to Remember with one of my dead man crushes and Lawd Have Mercy He Hot choices, Cary Grant and the beautiful red head Deborah Kerr. I love this movie, everything about it, the story, the costumes, the scenery, and the sets. It's just uber romance to me. But as I watched it there was a scene in which Cary and Deborah's characters order one of my favorite drinks, the glamorous and classic Champagne Cocktail. I do adore champagne, it is the classiest drink in the world, leaves wine in the dust for class. They order Champagne Cocktails with pink champagne,  I see characters in lots of movies from the 50s and 60s order this drink and it is an amazing drink. If you order it today at some trendy bar, they wouldn't know how to make it. You usually have to be at a place that's been around for awhile, very classy, with a older bartender. They can make them and make them well. Ordering a Champagne Cocktail at Applebee's is like ordering a Highball there, all they know is Margaritas and Sex on the Beach. Champagne Cocktail is class drink and when you order it, be ready for eyebrows to raise because I think most of the younger or even my generation have no idea what it is. So the next time you're at the local classy restaurant or bar, order yourself a Champagne Cocktail you won't be disappointed. Here's the recipe for those that would like to make them at home, it's very simple.

Champagne Cocktail
  •  1 cube sugar 
  • Angostura bitters 
  •  Chilled champagne

Soak sugar cube with a couple of good splashes of Angostura bitters and place in the bottom of a large champagne flute.

Fill slowly with sparkling wine.
Garnish with a lemon twist. 

Mmm mmm, now go and enjoy!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Marriage is Excellent for Practical Reasons too

I am a most practical, pragmatic person and have always been. Even as a child I like to weigh my options to figure out which worked best for me. I think about things before I do them most of the time, the only thing I may not be practical with is shopping. Which means shopping can get me in trouble so now I use this test, I pick up what I desire then put it down and walk away for about 10 to 15 minutes if I really have a desire for it I go back and get it, if not I push on. It's resulted in really decreasing my impractical, emotional spending. I want to talk today about my practical reasoning regarding marriage. I've heard people say before that they don't need to marry their significant other, that is true there is no NEED to do anything but be born and die. Everything in between is pretty optional but there are practical reasons for marriage. I certainly love my fiance Matt, in fact I adore him more than I've adored a man in my life. We have a beautiful relationship, full of fun, peace, joy, intimacy, and goodness. Even as I write this blog he's sending me funny and sexy texts while he works, it's the best relationship for both of us. And although really there's no emotional reason we should get married besides we love each other and want to spend our lives together. There are tons of practical ones for both of us.

Now when he asked me to marry him in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico on vacation last summer I'm sure he wasn't thinking of those practicalities, neither was I. I just knew that I loved this man and I wanted to spend the rest of my life enhancing his happiness and being his wife. But as time goes on, I find that there are tons of practical reasons for us to marry. I know marriage isn't for everyone, it just isn't I'm not trying to argue that point. I'm trying to say for all of those folks who feel that co-habitating is the same as marriage. Well, I'm here to tell you that's not true, not even close to true. This summer quarter I'm teaching a family law class and as part of my class I've learned quite a lot about marriage and some of it's wonderful practical benefits. I'm not talking about emotionally or mentally, I'm talking legally. My practical mind and body wants to be protected and marriages affords the men, women and children of those unions lots of protections. In fact according to the General Accounting Office of the United States marriage has over 1,000 duties, rights, and protections. That is a lot. Living together doesn't get you half of those even with a cohabitation agreement (yes they do exist) you can't get all the things you can get with marriage automatically. Really I think in practical terms having those 1,000 protections for the $64 you pay for a marriage license in my town is much easier than hiring a lawyer for $250 an hour to haggle out a contract with someone you're living with and you still don't get as much. Many people point to common law marriage and that's true, common law marriage still exists and unlike what many people believe those jurisdictions that recognize it have no time limit regarding when it begins. But the number of jurisdictions that recognize common law marriage is only 9 and the federal government may not recognize it in some cases. So any benefits that a married person gets under federal law, people in common law marriages may not receive. It's called federalism. When I extol the practical virtues of marriage it's not because I want people who I feel are living in sin to not live in sin. Not at all, it's because I want people to know, especially women who are bearing a lot of brunt of living with and playing wife to a man who can get up and get out of Dodge any time he sees fit and leave her with kids and debt, they need to think of their protection. I have a scenario from my text book Family Law for the Paralegal: Concepts and Applications by Mary E. Wilson which kind of sums what I mean that in practical terms marriage is deeper than just emotion and the supposed 'piece of paper' people seem to want to rail against all the time.

Imagine having lived with a man for five years in a committed, monogamous relationship that you both intend to 'last forever'. Imagine going to pick him up at an airport and being greeted by airline personnel who advise you that he experienced a heart attack midair and is being rushed to a hospital emergency room. You race to the hospital and the first question you are asked is 'Are you a family member?' And that is only the beginning of a series of painful events with devastating consequences. You cannot be admitted to see him in intensive care (even worse his family hates your guts and won't allow you to see him). You cannot be advised of his condition due to federal privacy regulations, and you cannot consent to his medical treatment, although you know his wishes. You cannot write checks on his bank account to pay his obligations. If he dies, you have no say in the funeral and burial arrangements, and yet only you know what he would want. You cannot enter the home where you lived together, because when it was purchased by the two of you, if was put in his name only. You cannot access his safety deposit box, even though you have valuable personal property in it. You cannot inherit through him if he dies without a will, because you have no legally recognized interest in his estate. The two of you are, in effect, legal strangers. (Wilson, pp. 118-19)

When I read that scenario I thought about my own impending marriage and in practical terms how it protects both Matt and I. Why do people think gay people want the right to marry so bad, they want the benefits that go along with it. That scenario above is scary but it's true in the case of cohabitation and I don't want people to fool themselves into thinking it's the same as marriage, IT IS NOT. I'm not pushing marriage for anyone who doesn't want to do it, I'm just putting the facts out there so you know what you're getting yourself into possibly. Now in most of those above cases you could have done something legally that may have protected you as one of the cohabitation entities. But with my little piece of paper in the above case, it looks like this. 

  • As the wife when I show up to the hospital I am immediately told of my husband's conditions.
  • I make all the decisions regarding his care with no interference from his family if I choose.
  • I have access to his bank account and safe deposit box as per the law.
  • I have full and final say in his burial arrangements.
  • In my state it's community property so I automatically get to stay in our home and it's transferred into my name automatically, no spouse can buy property in this state alone unless the other spouse signs a waiver.
  • Even without a will Probate Code gives me the right be first in line for any of his estate and essentially I get everything. 
Now you could go to the lawyer and have medical directives made, agreements done, and wills made out (which most people don't do anyway) and pay him a couple of thousand bucks to do it. But you still won't be as protected as me automatically as a legal spouse for only $64 bucks. In practical terms, that makes sense to me. We can argue all we want whether this is fair or not, that's not the point, this is what it is right now. I'll take this deal any day and because I love him so much I'm more than glad to take it. Although I don't ever think of divorcing him I have divorced someone and even then I was more protected more than just the 'see ya, wouldn't want to be ya!' scenario of some couples living together. It's something to contemplate. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

What You Looking At?

I'm not a confrontational person by nature, now if you say something to me that doesn't sound right believe me I will say something back. Usually in my sarcastic way that makes people feel about 2 feet tall as they should for letting stupid crap come out their mouths. I don't regularly notice people paying attention to me, I've a wonderful gift for ignoring people so most of time others are never on my radar. But I've noticed something lately and I don't know what to make of it. I'm not a booster when it comes myself, I don't think I'm particularly anything super special. I'm an average attractive woman but so are most of the women in the world. So when I walk into a room I'm not ever thinking all eyes are on me. But here lately I've noticed something as Matt and I are out and about hanging out in bars and restaurants. I see white couples, a male and female and then all of a sudden when the white woman spots me she's all over her boyfriend/husband. I don't notice this in all white females just those around my age or older. Matt and I were at one of new favorite spots in Edmonds called Rory's and we sat down around a common fire pit in the middle of the floor containing about eight seats, there was just one couple there, a white man and woman. It was obvious they were together but it wasn't like they were being particularly affectionate. When Matt and I sat down I noticed her cut her eyes at me, why I have no idea. I figured it was because I was with this big handsome Swede but I'm not sure. Then all of a sudden she was all over the man, she nuzzled up close, started touching him and rubbing on him. As if to say this is mine, stay away. Now I'm not sure why she would think I wanted her man. He wasn't particularly handsome and I have a man, one I love and adore. No need for her to piss her man's leg so I wouldn't run off with him. I've noticed this on a couple of other occasions. At first I thought maybe it was just me, I was tripping but after awhile it happened so often I started to think am I threatening to these women. Now this doesn't happen if I'm just out with a friend, it only happens when I'm out with Matt. Maybe I'm tripping and still tripping but I notice patterns and I was wondering, what the hell was this is about. The woman is eyeing me like I'm going to put her man in a Svengali trance and he'll run away with me. All I ever think is 'what are you looking at?' I have a man, I have no interest in someone else's man. It's just been really strange. I was wondering has this happened to another woman in a bw/non-bm couple? Because if I'm only one this has happened to, maybe I'm just boosting myself. Which I have no intention of doing. I'm just putting this out there so I can figure out if maybe I'm just being paranoid. Because this is starting to getting weird.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Plagiarist Have Found a Home

I wanted to put a link up to an article by a wonderful blogger and great author Tracy Ames. Tracy is giving some information especially for you out there who may write on free story sites like Literotica like myself. It seems people have decided to steal stories from the site and present them as their own and publish them using the Kindle. Amazon smarmy ass is trying to protect themselves in this obvious thievery, low lives but people are passing someone else's writings off as their own. I think it sucks and I think we all need to be careful of what we buy via our Kindles, I love having the app it's great but I don't want to give my money to thieves. Here is the article for more information Plagiarism is the New Black, please give Amazon a piece of your minds. I'm so damn sick on corporations, they're getting on my last ass nerve.