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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

It's Sad But I've Got to Go another blog site. I've loved blogging on blogger but it's time to take this blogging thing to the next level so Single Girl in a Weird World is turning into Married Girl in a Weird World on Wordpress. I'm so excited about the move and the changes that are upcoming in my life including my marriage and my name change. So come on over there, nothing but the name and the web address is changing. I'm still gonna be the crazy wild and contemplative me. See you guys there!

Why I Love That Man!

Last week was my bachelorette party with some of my female family and friends. I so enjoyed it, so much I paid for a little. But we had a good time ogling some Chippendales dancers at the Tulalip Casino, screaming our heads off, and two-fisting vodka drinks. It was awesome. As the time draws near for our wedding, I think a lot about Matt as my future husband and how absolutely thrilled and over the moon I am about it. You may not realize but I'm practical romantic, although I adore romance and do it well I'm also really practical so in my blog post Marriage is Excellent for Practical Reasons Too I tell some of the practical reasons I'm marrying this man. But there are other more emotional and personal reasons I love him and am excited about being his wife and he my husband.

Matt, really is the perfect man for me. He was born the day after me so our personalities are quite similar but there are things that he possesses that just make me love him like the dickens. I'm not the calm type, in fact, I can be very tempremental when I want to be but he's got such an easy-going mellow personality, it calms when I'm in a dither. Which is more than I'm willing to admit. We are alike in many ways, we both like sleep and lots of it. We both like to chill and lots of it. I like to travel more than him but he's more open to new experiences than me. He is compassionate, sweet, sexy, surprisingly wickedly funny, nice to strangers and babies, really talkative and very quiet and contemplative sometimes, smart as a damn whip, concerned, a family man, generous to a fault, accommodating, gentle but strong, he is a man's man in the most gentle way and he's my man. He loves everything about me, my sense of humor, my passion, my ever working mind, my bubble butt, my smile, and my round tummy. He thinks I'm perfection and says it often. I think he's perfection and I say it often. God gave him as a gift and I try never to forget that, Matt is a gift and I try my best to treat him as such. He gives so much to me, I sometimes think I'm not giving enough but he always thinks I'm doing too much. You certainly can't out-give God but Matt and I try to out-give one another. What I've found is the more I give, the more he gives, giving to him never dries me out it just replenishes my love.

The first thing I noticed about him when we met were his eyes, they were an odd shade of blue and a little mesmerizing. I had to frequently look away because I felt like he was going to hypnotize me. Then his hands, I know it's weird but he has the biggest hands I've ever seen on a man, they're like baseball mitts. When he makes a fist it's about the size of a small cantaloupe. He doesn't get mad often but when he does I usually know to stop whatever I'm doing, it's not a good thing. He's never touched or harmed me and never would but seeing him angry makes me sad. I don't want him to be angry or sad, he's such a wonderful person he doesn't deserve that. I can't stay mad at him for more than 2 minutes, he gives me those puppy dog eyes and I'm done for and I can usually stay mad a long time. But he's never malicious, maybe sometimes he didn't think but it's never done out of harm to me. I love him too death. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't in my life, I don't really like the thought. I've been married before and it was a tough marriage but I find the idea of marrying Matt so natural, so comfortable, not rushed, not pushed, like this what is supposed to happen. I'm not anxious about him or this marriage, I'm unbelievably excited. I could care less about the wedding, I'm just ready to be married to him, I'm just ready to be his wife. I don't know what people think when they see this tall, big white man and this slightly smaller black woman together. I hope they think, 'gosh, they look so in love, they look so happy together'. But if they don't, it's okay. We know we're in love, we know we're happy together and that is the only thing that matters at this or any other moment. Love you, Mattie!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-The Responsible Ones

Responsibility is so sexy, especially responsible men. I don't know what it is but when I see a sexy man pushing a stroller, carrying their baby, taking care of their wives, honoring her, eww whee it's so sexy to me. The stink of responsibility on a man is just enough to lay me out. You know I certainly don't condone women trying to step in the middle of a man's relationship but I could see why they'd be tempted. It's the responsible ones, the ones that are committed to home and hearth that are just extra uber sexy. I'll give you my top five, sexy responsible men today.

Ben Affleck, today is his birthday. Happy Birthday Ben but I know he feels like the luckiest man in the world because he has a beautiful wife and family he simply adores. Oh it's sweet and sexy.

Yea Brad Pitt, I know him and Angelina aren't married but in Hollyweird you can roll like that but the fact that the man took on a woman with  three adopted children that he adopted as his own. They've had three children together and he is as committed as ever to her and them kids. I am astonished by him. No, I don't think he cheated on Jennifer, I think he wanted a family and she wanted her figure. So he went for his own happiness and got it. Lucky Angelina and lucky kids!

Oh man, I love Kurt Russell so much this man has been with Goldie Hawn, good lord umpteen years and they look so happy and content. He helped raise her children and they have a beautiful family. What can I say, the man is a hot grandpa. What's up? I said it. 

Hugh, oh Hugh, oh Hugh, oh Hugh. His hotness and responsibility are enough to make you cream your pants. His wife is the luckiest woman on earth by far. This man is so fine it makes no sense, he's devoted to her you can see it in his eyes when he looks at her. He's a hands-on Dad, he's adopted children, he sings, he dances and plays Wolverine. Yes, he's a renaissance man. He really is male perfection. Really...he is.

Ah Big Willie, Will Smith. I've always loved Will Smith and he and Jada Pinkett-Smith (who I love too) are just a super couple. He was married previously and had a son, which they both are so proud of. He came up to Seattle to watch his oldest son play in a football game a few years back. No one knew he was here then it was on the radio. People didn't really wound him for autographs at the game, I hear because they knew he was there for his son. They are both committed parents to those kids and committed to each other. The love, fun, camaraderie, gentleness, and peace you see between them is something to behold. 

Okay, so I picked six. But I can't say enough about Tom Hanks. He really is the boy next door, the ultimate lover/Dad. Like you could see him being really passionate during the night with this wife and waking up to make the kids pancakes in the morning. Oh I love him, I love him, I adore Tom Hanks. 

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Do Not Interracially Date Someone that Hates

I cannot give this warning strong enough to black women who are or have decided to open up your options in dating. I cannot give this warning strong enough to any non-black man that has decided to date black women. DO NOT and I repeat do not waste any of your precious time dating a person that hates the people of the opposite sex in their own racial category or the folks of the same sex in yours. What that means in clear English is if you date a white man and he hates white women or black men don't date him. He's got issues and problems and probably hates all women. That's dangerous for women. If you're a Latino man and you date a black woman and she hates black men or Latino women, run, don't walk for the door. I don't care what anyone says, you may not have a preference for certain people in dating and mating but the pure hate thing is just weird and a red flag that this person is either trying to get back at the men and women of their race and you're being used, dumb ass. I really liked the fact that Matt didn't have some seething hatred for white women or black men while I may not want to date black men, I'm not on the hater-ade wagon. Really as I've said before I really could care less what black men are or are not doing and with whom. I regularly read and peruse some BWE and BWIR blogs and lately have seen more and more black women commenting who seem so bitter towards black men and white women in particular. As usual, things I would never do I don't understand why other people do nor do I care to understand. I am not trying to drag bitter baggage into a relationship, no one wants that. I've also come across white men who were really hating on white women and I was like 'no thank you, I'm not trying to participate in your bitter party'.  Really folks need to work out those issues before they even hang out with the rest of humanity. No one wants to be someone's second choice because they're mad at Jerome or Becky. Also no man is going to take me out like a show pony to make random women who have rejected him mad. I refuse to be used in such a disgusting manner. Now some people are okay with those of kinds of games but I'm a grown ass woman and I'm not going there, EVER. So if you meet these people and notice their conversation seems to revolve around how black men aren't this or white women aren't that, you tell them to 'strap that to their ass and get to walking' LOL. This public service announcement brought to you by Eugenia, Long-Time Swirler.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Why I am Unmoved, Unimpressed, and Not Threatened by Other Women

When my mother named me Eugenia, she did so because that was my grandmother's name and as a child my mother always told me repeatedly how special and perfect I was. Really, I just believed her, she was mother why would she ever lie to me. As I got older I searched for the meaning of my name as a woman who's taken Latin and Greek etymology classes I wanted to know the meaning. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Eugenia means 'well-born' or 'perfect' so all that time my mother had been calling me perfect as a child it was befitting my name. Since I bore the name 'perfection' it can only mean one thing. I am unmoved, unimpressed, unconcerned and not threatened by other women. I could really care less about what other women are doing or not doing. I read a lot of blogs where women are going on and on about we're always in a competition with other women, how as black women we're somehow so deficient we need to be taking lessons from other sets of women, how women are so jealous of us as black women when they see us dating out, and really those last two statements can't even be true they don't even match. I can't be deficient and on the losing end as a woman but at the same time threatening to other women if I date a man that isn't black. I wrote a blog a week or so ago called 'What You Looking At?' about these really weird encounters I've had on a few occasions where white women were crawling all over their men when they see me and Matt together and how odd I thought it was. Well, I got some of comments about how white women are really threatened by black women and such but really I was not writing to confirm that white women were threatened by me. I was writing it because I was wondering if I was just trippin' or not. I could care less if white women or any other woman is jealous or threatened by me, I don't think they are but if they are that's their problem not mine. I don't want anybody else's man and bitch I'm not going anywhere so you can be threatened for the rest of your life but really I would consider that a waste of my precious time. You know I take people on a case by case basis, it takes time to get to know me and it takes time for me to trust you. I have all kinds of female friends in all shades, the reason I love, respect, and share with those women is because they've proved to be good and loyal friends. Now, if you do something that is bad and disloyal we won't be friends anymore but until then I'm not judging you or a group of women like you on the outer shell. As a black women I hate for people to just assume they know me because of things they've seen on television or heard from other people. Really my name is not Black People, my name is Eugenia and if you want to get to know her you can. There are women in the world better looking than me, more accomplished and there are women worse looking than me and less accomplished. I am not in a competition with any of them, I'm in a competition with me, I'm trying to be the best me that God needs for me to be. I am unique and what I have to offer to this world only I can give it. What I have to offer to the man in my life only I can give him. Now if he's stupid and decides he doesn't want to appreciate it, then he can get to stepping I will not be drying up and dying. But at this point, he appreciates everything I give to him and he thinks I'm the sexiest, most dynamic and smartest woman in the world as it should be. I'm not comparing notes with other women, I don't feel bad about myself or incomplete and all the things about me that are useless I ask God to help me rid myself of those things and people. This is my journey, other women have their own journey, their own man or woman, their own family to be concerned about. I love me enough to know, that no one can give what I give to this world. I don't have to feel inadequate or incomplete when I look at others, they're doing what they need to do for their lives. I've never been a jealous woman, it's a waste. You see people where everything is shiny on the outside while they are falling apart on the inside, we need to watch our jealous streaks because sometimes there really is nothing to be jealous about. So I'm not deficient compared to other women, nor am I threatened by them. My confidence is sufficient enough that I can let someone shine and not feel weird or hateful about it. We all have something different to do, you do yours and I'll do mine. And for those that feel threatened by any woman that  walks in your vicinity I wish you my confidence because that's a sad life you lead.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I'm Sorry to Tell You This, But the Choice is Yours

I really hate giving people bad news but I guess I have to be the bearer, yes you ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS have a choice. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and even then you have choice or you bound and gagged, you have a choice in everything that goes on in your life. I get so sick and tired of the old meme of 'I didn't have a choice, I had to do it' that's bullshit and I'm calling complete shenanigans on that right now. I received this comment today regarding the 'Braxton Family Values' Teaches Black Women a Valuable Lesson' blog I did in June.

Anonymous said: It is a sad situation. Playing devil's advocate. we do not know the full view of the mother and father's relationship. What if they had a great relationship and it just changed down the road. Some good people make bad decisions. Who is to say the mother was the perfect wife. Again not excusing the father's behavior. Television does not provide the whole story.
Also bad relationships happens in every race and not just in the black community. Just speaking from experience. Great article. 

I don't know who it's from but I have my guesses. If it's a man, it's typical. If it's a woman, it's just sad. This post is about choice but I thought after I received this comment that it would be apropos to use it in this blog post. Because choice is such a integral thing in human beings, even the worse most oppressive conditions known to man some people still made the choice to go against that oppression even under the threat of death. That's the power of choice. No matter where you are in this world, what plight you live in or under, you can make a choice to go against it. Now that may mean you endanger yourself or your family but you still have that choice.  In one of my favorite songs by the band, Rush called 'Freewill' there's this pivotal line. 

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. 

That's deep, that's the power free will, we all have it whether people are willing to let you use it or not. You still have free will, it doesn't go away with a situation. It goes away when you choose not to exercise it. 

This leads to me responding to the above post. All the sisters in the Braxton household are exercising their choice, a bad one but it's still a choice. In another blog posts I wrote called 'You Don't Have to Live with Your Mistake Forever' it explained that even if you made a poor/bad choice you don't have to live with all your life, you have the choice to move the hell on. Now I don't know about the mom and dad's relationship either but I do know that you don't go outside of your marriage to solve problems in your marriage. That goes for men and women. You also don't get up in the pulpit on Sundays and espouse to me how I'm supposed to live my life and you aren't living yours correctly. It wasn't like this happened once, he had a nine year relationship that he acknowledged on the show while married to their mother. I'm sorry I hold people who are supposed to a shepard of God's people to a higher standard as they should be held. So he's a hypocrite, doesn't mean he can't be forgiven but to live like that is hypocritical and if he had been a man he would have either left their mother before he started this affair or stepped away from that woman and just lived with his consequences. I don't give a damn if she was the meanest woman on earth, you don't cheat, you just divorce her. He had free will, he had a choice, he made a bad one and now he suffers for doing that. You reap what you sow, that's biblical too but I'm not sure if he was ever reading the bible. Yes, good people make bad decisions but you don't make bad decisions then pretend like it was a good decision because of the way you felt at the time. Just say it was a bad decision and repent for it. 

The other response is to this tired meme of 'white people do it too'. I'm going to say this once and for all and hopefully I won't be saying it again, I hate to repeat myself. I could give a fuck what white people do too. If white people have issues in their community with men or Pastors cheating on their wives, that's their damn issue to deal with. I'm worried about black people, particularly black women who are suffering in the black community because of all the bad decisions and choices we make thinking we have to stick in there for community's sake. These are some beautiful, successful, talented black women with some scrubs because their mother didn't have the sense to teach them how to make better choices in men. Black people seem to always be so concerned that other black people saying bad things about them is going to get back to 'whitey' and they'll be embarrassed. You know what I'm about to pull a Bill Cosby up in here, black people's business is already in the street embarrassing us, it's on the corner, in the classroom, on the radio we ain't hiding nothing. All our dysfunction is out in the street because we don't exercise the FREE EFFING WILL it takes to make better choices for ourselves and our families. If you like don't this blog, if you think I'm not downing 'whitey' enough, your best bet is not to read it. I'm not looking for fans. 

Monday, August 1, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Viggo Mortensen

I had been having a hard time lately trying to figure who my 'Lawd Have Mercy' hawtness was going to be. But it came to in an incredible flash of genius, his name has been bandied about the blogs lately and I thought why the hell not. Let's give some love to the hawtness that is Viggo Mortensen. First and foremost, his name is hot. Can you imagine screaming that out during wild bouts of sex with him, yea I'll take that. He just exudes sex and I have yet to see him look non-hot in a movie no matter what he's playing, Aragon in LOTR, Tom Stall in History of Violence, don't lie that was the best sex scene ever and he was so bad ass in that I was love after that movie, Nikolai in Eastern Promises which I haven't seen but I hear he does the full frontal and it's not disappointing, and Lalin in Carlito's Way if you missed him in that he had a small part but memorable. He is g-o-r-geous! Ladies, I cannot lie although the young tenders are nice to look at, I like my men a little more seasoned, a little more lived in, old enough to be sophisticated but young enough to still be a little rough around the edges. Viggo fits that bill perfectly. Here he is, my man and yours, Viggo Mortensen.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Well, What About Strippers?

As you know, some things to me are worth battling around the earth about, others, not so much. One I don't and wouldn't waste my time on is strippers for Matt's bachelor party. I watch Bridezillas regularly, it's kind of like staring at car accident you really want to look away from the mayhem but for some reason you can't. One of the things on there that brides regularly do that irks the hell out me, is be all insecure and weird when their fiance has a bachelor party and there is a possibility of strippers. What is with all the heart attack drama when a guy's friends/family mention that they'll be having a stripper or going to the strip club for his bachelor's party. I wrote a blog many moons ago about Matt and my visit to a strip club in Las Vegas during our birthday trip. It was a sight to behold but never while I was there was I intimidated or felt weird about the strippers. Why? Well, here's why I'm very secure in my relationship with Matt, the most secure I've ever felt with anyone. He makes me feel like the only woman in the world even in a club full of strippers. I also think that if you're so freaked about your man going to strip club because you think he's gonna stray maybe you shouldn't be marrying that man.

My bachelorette party is in a few weeks, me and the girls are going to see the Chippendale's dances at the Tulalip Casino Resort and Hotel, casino run by the Tulalip Tribe (as an aside I ain't even mad at Native Americans for taking my money on the slots and black jack table, they are owed. Really if black people had any sense, we'd get a casino but of course we have no sense). The following week he and the guys will be heading to a Mariner's baseball game and going to a strip club. When he told me, I was like 'have a good time'. I don't get it, I am less than freaked about him going to a strip club. Especially since I'll be ogling sweaty, hot men cut up like julienne'd potatoes the week before. I can't be no hypocrite. One of the women on Bridezillas went so far as to try to pretend she was one of her fiance's friends to find out if he was having a bachelor party at the strip club, it didn't work. Although she had a nasty, greasy stank stripper at her party, puhleeze! One the women went so far as to come to the bachelor party with her fiance, the levels of insecurity and neediness in that act are astounding.

I don't know, I'm just glad I'm not 'THAT GIRL' and that I'm woman enough to let my man have some fun before he walks down the aisle. I don't want him at the strip club all the time, not particularly because of the naked women but I just don't want no other woman getting my (i.e. his money) money. Listen, I'm practical. Have fun, baby!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

I'll Pay Anything for a Pair of Pants

When I say that, I don't mean any pants I mean a pair that actually fit. I don't know who designs women's pants but I'm thinking it's the devil because they never fit me. As with most black women, I have a small waist some ample hips and big ol' round bubble butt. There's no other way to call it, my butt must contribute to a decent portion of my weight now luckily I have a boobs that are pretty proportional but I never have issues finding shirts that fit or skirts or dresses but pants are the bane of my existence. I do mean I will pay anything for a pair of slacks, khakis, shorts, or jeans that fit correctly. I suffer from what is affectionately called whale tail, isn't that cute...NOT! Because my hips, butt, and thighs are a tad on the meaty side I can never find pants that fit. Even when I was thinner than I am now in my 20s, I had the same issue because my butt and hips ain't going nowhere no matter how much weight I lose or gain. Yes, I am curvy vuluptous so I buy a size 14 pants but the waist is always too big. Now I've heard that maybe I should take them to the tailor to have them altered but really I'd have to take every pair of pants I own and some of those I'd end up paying a tailor more to alter the pants than I paid for the pants. Why can't anyone just make pants for women who have butts? I can't be the only woman complaining about this. Pants seem to be made for women who are shaped like Tide boxes, really that's not how the majority of women are shaped. Most of us black and white women have hips and some kind of behind, albeit some are smaller than others. Too bad for those girls.

Recently my favorite pair of pants I bought many moons ago from the Gap started to show wear and tear, by that I mean a hole was coming into the seat of the pants. I really loved those pants, they fit great so I wore them often. They were a nice pair of dressy or casual cigarette black pants. I adored them because it's so hard for me to find a nice pair of pants that fit when I do, I'll wear them out. Well I was saddened and dismayed by this turn of events so I went on the hunt to find a replacement pair. Mind you, I have several pair of black pants but these I really did love the way they fit and looked, perfect in all the right places. I bought a pair online, I should know better than to buy a pair of pants online by now I got them and they fit terrible. I found a pair at Target, they were okay but I still wasn't feeling the love. So last Friday, I'm on a shopping spree picking up things for my wedding, undergarments, bought Matt a nice tie for his suit at Nordstrom, you know perusing. I came upon my pants while in the Gap, again, buying a t-shirt. Oh, sweet baby jesus, I was so happy after these many years they were selling those pants. I got my size, took them home and viola they fit just great as the last pair. Joy has come to Eugenia in her pants shopping. I bought them and didn't even check the price. I could care less when it comes to pants, I will pay anything. I happily bought two, mind you two pair, of Magic Johnson's wife Cookie's CJ jeans and shelled out $250 bucks to do it like nothing. I love those jeans, they are still my two favorite pair and they always fit correctly with no gaps in the back and hug my curves like a baby's mama. I'm planning on going back to buy another pair asap. I would like to know why I have to be willing to give up my first born to get a pair of pants that fit correctly but I'm thinking that I'll figure it out. So I go on in my quest to find the perfect pants to fit my perfect curves. Oh well, it's the price I pay for being curvy vuluptous.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Sometimes...You Need to Listen to What is Said and Not Said

I know people like to talk, I'm one of those people. I really do like to talk and women on average use about 16,000 more words a day than men. We can talk, we talk about emotions, feelings, we gossip, we talk funny stuff, we talk sad stuff but we as women and men neglect to do is listen. Most people don't listen to a thing you say, I'm guilty of that too. Most of the time when people are talking to me I'm thinking I really don't care. The other part of this is that many people aren't listening more than they're waiting to talk. Listening is a lost skill in this world of narcissitic self-involvement. The reason we twitter, facebook, and blog is because we love talking about ourselves and we want someone to listen. We love it so much we've dedicated whole websites to self-involvement and promotion. Now you may disagree but after having been a paralegal for 10 years, I'll tell you one thing that I definitely learned. People love to talk, you set them up and they'll knock them down. As a paralegal one of the most important jobs was to listen to people and when I say listen I don't mean just hear them but to actively listen. Which means you take in their words, dissect them, make conclusions and go from there. Most people are dying to tell you their story but some people just want to hide the no so good parts. In law it's lying by omission and to me not saying something is just like outright lying about something. It's not different, not mentioning that you're marrying is just like lying about being married. I've been wanting to write this blog for awhile because as women we are notorious for not listening the things that men say and don't say to us. We live in perpetual fantasy of inferring what we think men mean when they say things or don't say things. Most men when they first meet women are trying to put their best foot forward or at least the foot they want you to see. This means he's telling her only the good parts of him, which I can certainly understand until you move forward in your relationship no one need know all your dirty laundry. But in those first couple of meetings, dates or phone calls you can glean quite a bit about a man without him ever knowing that he's giving up information. When I had clients I wanted them to tell me everything, I worked in defense and the one thing you didn't want in a defense strategy was for opposing counsel to pop up with some news about your client you had not knowledge of.

Well, how does active listening begin on the dating scene first of all it begins with you. In a past blog called 'Sometimes...Well All the Time, You Have to Know What You Want' I talked about how women who are out in the dating world should know what they want and be specific about it. Now if you don't know what you want, how do you know what you're actively listening for? Now all women want different things when it comes to relationships, so those are your parameters to set up as you see fit. Knowing what you desire in a mate, is a great way to eliminate those that don't cut the mustard. Now figuring out if a man is cheap or car-less or whatever may be pretty easy but the deeper issues he may have may be harder to find out. I'm going to say this, if you don't like asking questions this may not be for you. Because you'll have to ask questions and I don't mean grilling under the hot lights like on Law & Order but you need to be okay with asking questions, many times benign questions will get you the information you need. You want to be as nice as possible when you ask the questions, you want the person to feel comfortable and relaxed about revealing things. Don't react negatively when they say negative things, just let them talk, if you react negative they'll shut down completely. Now I'm going to give this example, I was looking for someone that was close to their family. Family is important to me and really it's hard to date/mate with someone who is not close to their family when you are, they may not understand your close relationships and may resent them, my ex-husband did. So I needed someone that was very close to their family because I'm very close to mine. So I ask questions about their family, now you may get all kinds of answers 'they live in Arizona but I go back to see them as much as possible' or 'they live here in Seattle but we don't see one another that much'. I always ask about brothers and sisters not just parents, people may see their parents but issues with brothers and sisters is sure sign to me of family issues. I don't like family drama, so I needed to steer clear. If you're concerned about a man's money habits you may bring up a recent shopping trip you had, you may get a reaction of 'oh yea what did you buy?' You say what you bought and see how he reacts, he may look confused or agitated which may mean he doesn't like spending money on frivolous things. He may tell you he doesn't shop much, he's got everything he needs in his closet which may mean he's cheap. He may tell you all about all the things he's bought over the recent weeks trying to brag about his money but to me that just means he likes bills way too much and is little too loose with his bread. It depends on what you want in the man to know how to read the signals. Watch the man's eyes, his hands, if he laughs at things nervously, and always watch if he's about to say something but stops quickly and starts to say something else, I guarantee he's lying. But I'll tell you this, DO NOT ignore signals. A man that may be divorced talking about his ex is in too negative or too positive tone means trouble for you, hit the ground running. Don't start thinking that if he had your love he'd forget all about her, you're fooling yourself. Also be ready to ask follow-up questions if you're looking for clarification or better understanding, don't let things go that are bothering you when the guy answers. You need to be quick with follow-up questions and non-threatening. Much of this depends on you being non-threatening.

Another indicator is the family dynamic. If you ever meet the family. I don't think people, men or women, get that when you meet the family on some level you're being introduced to a part of the person you date. Now this may not happen till much later but it shouldn't be more than a couple of months. If he won't introduce you to his family I'd be wary. That means he thinks something is wrong with you that they won't approve or something is wrong with his family which is even worse. But if you do get the chance to meet his family observe how they interact with one another. Watch the way his father treats his mother, believe me that's the way he'll be treating you. So when I met Matt's family and noticed that his father adores his mother, that was a good sign that Matt would treat me in a like manner. Watch the dynamic among brothers and sisters, if they have any, tension in those relationships is not good. Also please know that his friends are a reflection of him especially if he spends a significant amount of time with them.

The things I learned I learned from working as a paralegal and questioning people for so long, but you there are tons of books out there on the subject of 'reading people'. Now can I guarantee this will work all the time, heck no, but I can guarantee that if you ask questions you can make some inferences from the answers and really that's all you have. Unless he's a really nice guy that meets your standards you may never go the distance to find the whole truth about him. But I believe that God gave us instincts for a reason, listen to them.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Chris Evans

Yowza! I'm trying to keep it together, keep it together but this boy is hot! He's setting my screen on fire, the beautiful blue eyes, the brooding stare, look at them lips and that chiseled body. I can set my dinner plate on those abs! Good gravy, I think I just an orgasm. Listen, tomorrow Captain America, The First Avenger comes out and really I could care less. I really love comic book movies but I wasn't dying to see this one, I didn't really want to watch the Fantastic Four either but hold on because his fine ass is in both of them and in his new movie his body is looking like pop n' fresh muffins. Yes, I will be going but only with a girlfriend, I couldn't make Matt suffer through me slightly drooling on him over Chris Evans. What can I say, his body and face are just screaming 'please hurry and come sin with me!' Yea I'm all over it, Chris Evans.

I Get the Bad Feeling that Some Women Think Quantity Equals Quality

Now before you jump me, I am not telling women to hang out with the broke loser that doesn't have a job, never had a job, no car and doesn't have a pot to piss in and a window to throw it out of. But I have read some recent blog posts and it still seems to me that black women are not understanding that quantity does not always mean quality. There is a long list of things that go into being a quality man and yes, smart women marry for money and love but that's not what I'm noticing. What I am noticing is black women who have been in relationships with sorry black men, the users among us, have now decided that if a non-black man has a good job, education, a house and car, he's golden. Although those things are important in a mate that does not equal a quality man. Now I have a man that has a good job, so good I can work half-time, he's got a BS in Engineering, he didn't have a house but I'm not geeked up about the house thing, but he has car that is paid for. If that's all you're requiring you got it, he's the best man ever. But for me those things aren't special, they are a requirement, that's basically the minimum you need to have a conversation with me, less known a date.

Now you all know I don't do the new to interracial folks, they are not my bag. I've done this too long and I have no patience for the silly questions about IR dating and relationships. But after reading one of my favorite blogs I notice a lot more women are coming along that seem interested in dating non-bm and are trying to get some information on how it's done. I must say it's done like all dating is done, slowly and carefully, but the thing I think some of them have been hearing is that if they meet a 'nice' non-bm, he's got a job, paying for dates, a nice car, and he looks good you got yourself a keeper. I'm not sure that's what is being said but from the comments it seems that's what is being heard. The conversation revolved around Rupert Murdoch's wife, Wendi Deng's actions while he was testifying and got smacked in the face with a shaving creme pie. Now really that's neither here nor there, personally I find the man detestable and just b/c he's wealthy it doesn't give him a pass. He's an evil man, his company did evil things, I'm quite sure he knew about it and he's only sorry now because they got caught. She, I find being his working bulldog, is classless and really on the level of any club rat that would fight over her man at a club and if the stories told are true she's a home-wrecker, twice over. There is nothing admirable about either of these people. I'd put him on the level of Donald Trump, it's just that Trump is more of a continual joke. Rich does not mean stable, nice, good provider, or man you want to marry. Now that doesn't mean a rich man cannot be all those things, many of them are and I know wealthy men that are quality men of integrity. If you find one and he likes you, run, don't walk, down the aisle if he asks you to marry him. But many of the comments from black women, whom I only assumed were not in or had never been in a interracial relationship because if they had they'd know that a man that lets his wife fight any of his battles is a not a man. But since Rupert Murdoch was a rich man that was the least she could do and she was right for stepping up and defending her husband by slapping that man. First that's just asinine, I am marrying a man that is 6'4" and 260 lbs and really it doesn't matter how big he is the point is he's his own man. I could never dream in my wildest dreams of slapping someone on his behalf, he wouldn't let me and if I did he'd probably give me the side-eye. Which I wouldn't blame him for doing, there's something sick about a man that would ever get excited or be proud about his wife fighting or slapping people. I'm sorry it is never okay.

Rich men, poor men, white men, black men can come in bad packages and if you're eyes are so dazzled by some white guy with a nice home and car and throwing around money like it's going out of style you have missed the boat on IR dating as an option. You've gone all surface and you probably did with the black men you dated and believe me you will end up with the same kind of man you had previously just different name, face and race. Finding a quality man takes some senses I think some black women are lacking or never had or something like that. That doesn't mean they can't be taught, there are tons of quality websites out there giving sound advice to black women but the point is they have to know how to process that information. Black women are processing some of this information incorrectly and I'm not saying all black women but some have seen a way to be taken care of and quality be damned! Now you can have both black women, you can have a quality man with all the quantity too. Isn't that awesome!?! You can do both but don't be fooled all the glitters is not gold. I have known of non-bm who were wealthy, well-read, educated and it was all good on paper but in real life it was nightmare. They were narcissistic, mean, inconsiderate, selfish, cheap (with the woman not with themselves), controlling, emotionally unavailable and withdrawn, manipulators, and just plain jerks. When we start talking quality we need to look at both sides of that coin, there's more to a quality man than a fat wallet.