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Saturday, January 29, 2011

What does the ‘Type’ of Person Who Would Date Interracially Look Like?

Really, to tell the truth I don't know. I'd like to be able to say after dating interracial for 20 or so years there's a type but there isn't. Now, this is speaking to black women who may be thinking but just aren't sure who the guy is or what he looks like that would date a black woman. Really he has no certain look and for all the non-bm who may be interested in dating black woman, I'm telling you the same thing. As much as people would like for women to believe that the only black women that non-bm are interested in are bohemian, all-natural girls, with short nails, natural hair, and flowing clothes or Halle Berry,  it's a crock. We look like the variety of black women out there, which means how do you tell who's going to be interested in you. I hate to do this to people but you're just going to have to take a chance, for men if you talk to a black woman and she's talking back and being friendly you may have found someone who is interested in dating interracial so use all your guy skills and go for it. If you as black woman find that a nice non-bm is speaking with you, he may be interested, keep chatting him up and do a little flirting, it helps. Because there is no image I can put on here or put into your head that will help your radar go off when a person who may want to date interracial comes along.

I've dated a few white men in my life and I couldn't give you list of any their similarities besides they were all white. They had different beliefs, looks, ways of dressing and style, musical tastes, heights, hair color, it was all so varied. So when I hear people say white men only go for this type of black woman or black women wouldn't date a nerdy white guy just one that looks like  Brad Pitt, of course, I got to call shenanigans on that mess. I find a variety of things attractive about men, they don't have always have the whole long list, some are important, so important that other parts of my 'you're hot' list are diminished because they possess a particularly attractive quality. I'm big on humor and intelligence, really humor and intelligence can make a guy that would be so-so in my eyes the hottest thing walking. This is how important those are, so important to me that it makes me find Seth Rogen when he was in 'Knocked Up' really hot. He's just so cute and funny, I love him. But yes I really love Brad Pitt too and think he's funny and smart, see so it's all over the place and I know for sure that Brad Pitt has dated interracial previously with a black woman, Robin Givens specifically. All people have different tastes, things that turn their head or make them want to possibly get to know someone better, those are so subjective you could ask every person in the world and not get two list that are similar, less known two lists that are alike.

I want folks that are desiring to date interracial to remember, you don't have to change who you are to get the person you desire. Someone wants you and thinks you are attractive just the way you are, now if you feel like you want to do something extra to put your best foot forward, do it. Because really self-confidence is key in drawing people to you, if someone feels you're comfortable with yourself, they'll be comfortable talking to you. I know some black women have issues with self-confidence, so work on those and then be happy when someone else notices it. Also here's a tip, I'll probably be sharing again especially for black women but really for any woman, when a man compliments you do not qualify his compliment. If a man says you have nice legs, do not go into how you wish you could lose some weight because you think your legs are too big. At that point, you've just turned the man off with your lack of self-confidence. Please learn to take compliments graciously and just say thank you. Lesson for today.

I just want to share with one photos I gathered from the internet of interracial couples with black women and white men, just to share the variety that goes into this type of couple. Also want you to know, that these sorts of couples have a specificity, no rhyme or reason, attraction is a funny wonderful thing. So go out there and know the guy or girl you want to date in the interracial love game, unfortunately doesn't come with a secret handshake, sorry. But it's fun, finding out who it may be.

Well it looks like a hodgepodge to me, what do you think? Just go out into the world and find the one you love.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Star's Favorite...Music-Bebel Gilberto

All in OneI know you're wondering how did I become such a big fan of Bebel Gilberto really you're probably wondering who is Bebel Gilberto. Bebel Gilberto is daughter of the famous Joao Gilberto, a Brazilian singer and singer.  Bebel inherited her father's beautiful voice and style. Bebel sings pop and bossa nova, now I am a huge fan of bossa nova something about the sound makes me want to linger on a sunny beach under palm trees being swayed by the breeze and listen to clear blue water as it rolls toward me. Yes, that's some kind of imagery but if and when you hear her voice, that's the mood it will put you in. I discovered her music a few years ago while watching some random program on television and they were featuring an album with remixes of her songs the album was 'Tanto Tempo' which I immediately went out and bought along with a few of other albums and I was hooked. She has smooth, beautiful, sensual voice, maybe it's the Brazilian thing but I go all sexy romance when I hear her sing. When I hear her my hips just go on automatic sway, she has a compelling voice. She sings mostly in Portuguese but it doesn't matter, the best thing about music is even when people sing in a different language you can follow along. She also sings some songs in a combination of Portuguese and English but I really prefer her singing in Portuguese. She's a little under the radar in music and I'm not sure why, her voice is incredible but really what can you say about the current state of music except, why? LOL. Please enjoy yourself listening to Bebel she is fantastic, under the link with her name you'll find access to purchasing her music.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sometimes…You Need to Just Move On

I’m noticing a trend as I read blogs that are supposedly dedicated to black women’s empowerment or encouraging black women to date interracial and intercultural. They are obsessed with black men, I mean fair obsessed. If black men were feeling bad about themselves all they’d need to do is go to a couple of these blogs and their confidence would a get a boost. I mean talking about something you dislike so much, in a weird way, just reveals your desire to have it. Talking about how black men are into non-bw just makes you seem bitter. I’m sorry if you think it makes you look empowered, it don’t, I know bitter when I see it. Now, I know that isn’t the truth for most of these blogs but really for the majority that how it comes off sounding. Some of the stuff is not even logical, most of it is definitely not reasonable.

You know when I first started back on this blog; I swore on my dad’s grave that it would not turn into this blog that’s a smear campaign against black men. Now, really I could care less about black men and who they date or what they think of me as black woman, don’t care either way. Who the hell are they that I need their approval. They’ve never been on my potential mate radar, so really what they do and who they do it with makes me no never mind. I also think using this strategy alienates a ton of black women, let me tell you why. As much as you may think all black men are DBR and scum of the earth, these women know some black men that they love. I’m not talking about as boyfriend, it may be their dad, grandfather, brother, uncle, cousin, or their son but they know men that they believe are decent men. And you’ve pretty much just told her she’s a goddamned fool for believing that. Now I get the nuance of the DBR thing, yes there are a ton of black men who could use some help and many of them happen to be in our families mine included and I get that all the black men in my family I judge on a case by case basis. The ones that I love that are decent people, I continue to love and support. The others I love from a distance and don’t get involved in their drama but really I’m not so stupid that I can’t tell a good man from a bad one and I can’t negotiate how they will fit into my life accordingly. I also don’t think black women are so stupid, that they don’t get that and the insistence of some well-intentioned bloggers to continually beat you over the head with how dumb you are and how you’ve been living in the ‘matrix’ of the black community and only their words can free you is just downright insulting. I don’t care if your intentions are good, patronizing people is never okay and grown black women patronizing other grown black women is the height of sadness.

I know some of these women have had bad experiences with black men, as husbands and fathers and baby daddies. They made mistakes; they want to help other black women not make that mistake, which is commendable. But a black woman’s interracial dating guide that talks about black men all the time is not helping black women. I don’t mention black men on this blog, in any sort of substance, there’s a reason for that. This blog is about me and me encouraging black to date interracially. If I’m spending 70 or 80 percent of time analyzing all the crap that black men do and have done to you, how is that helping you? I want to help you find the man of your dreams and show you that you can have the man of your dreams with glimpses into my own relationship with Matt. Really we all get that brotha man, done you wrong, but you ain’t over that yet? Because if all the women you’re talking to at your blog are railing on and on about their bad luck with black men and how it’s scarred them for life, really they don’t need you they need a therapist. Now I know I’m probably not going to make any friends in the BWE or BWIR world with this post but that’s okay, I got principles which means sometimes I have to sacrifice friends. For some folks in this part of the blogosphere really it’s just time to let it go and focus on what really matters, the black women you’re trying to introduce to the wide world of dating non-bm and having their own self-interest at heart. Personally, I can do that without ever bringing black men into the conversation, see I’m that good. I know some of these blogs have a lot of readers but I’m sure they could have a lot more if they actually focused exclusively on black women. Because the couple of hundred or thousand you get every once in awhile is really small beans in comparison with all the black women who use the internet. Because constantly telling a woman that all the choices she’s made with men is because she’s indoctrinated and stupid just seems like an unproductive way to help people change their lives. But I don’t know maybe that’s just me.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Hugh Jackman

I have a special place in my hot little heart for Hugh Jackman, know why? He's so without a blemish in Hollywood. Nary a bad or unkind word is said about this man and when I see him interviewed he seems so genuinely happy and pleased with his life, I can't help but smile about it. He seems so sweet and very devoted to his wife and family. I'm telling you their is something about the stink of responsibility on a man that makes him almost irresistible. Really that and his rock hard abs are just a combination for sinning. Really he has it all, great accent, nice smile, body that won't quit, he's tall, super handsome, has some beautiful hair, and the man can sing and dance, whaaa? Yes, he's the total package and really the rest of the men of the world need to be ashamed of themselves that they're not measuring up. I'm just joking guys, we know you'll never measure up. Hugh is an actor, singer and dancer, really not many men can do that. He's best known for playing Wolverine in the 'X-Men' movie franchise. But he's great at comedy and being a romantic lead, really look at him, romance must just be innate to a man that fine. I present for you viewing pleasure and mine, Hugh Jackman, even his name screams studmuffin.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Peeking in at Portland

Matt and I spent this last weekend in Portland, Oregon. It was just a weekend jaunt, really the kind that I love. I’m a road-trip kind of gal, I love driving. It is fun and adventurous. You get to see sights and your nation, stop buy junk food, listen to great music and sing along, and just talk to one another. I particularly enjoy driving with Matt, although his multi-tasking behind the wheel can make me nervous, even when we’re silent it’s never uncomfortable.
Our journey to Portland was just for time away to spend with one another and keep good company with each other. I enjoy spending time with him; I really like Matt on top of love him. He’s interesting and very funny. We used my new free app on my iPhone to make our way to the Hilton in downtown Portland.  The app was free and we got a little lost and it recalculated about 5 times before we made it to the hotel, what do you expect for free but it did get us downtown. Portland is a really neat city and if you’ve never been there you should go, it’s got a ridiculously laid back vibe. I mean the people are almost missing backbones they are so relaxed and it’s so easygoing, it’s a wonderful change from the more rushed Seattle. Really Portland is what Seattle was maybe 20 years ago; it’s a nice calm town. We get to the hotel which is downtown on a Friday night and it’s absolutely barren, really slow. We go to a pub that serves one of favor microbrews, McMenamins’s at Ringler’s Pub and it’s just so chill, people sitting and relaxing and drinking good beer. I notice a funny thing while in Portland, the number of black women dating white men was very apparent, I must say it was refreshing to see. At Ringler’s there were three other black female/white male couples there beside Matt and myself. Also at the Trailblazers game there two more interracial couples in our seating section with black women and white men. I think Portland may be giving Seattle a run for its money when it comes to interracial dating and I’m so thrilled about it.
And yes we went to see a Portland Trailblazers game, Matt and I both like basketball, he used to play in high school and since Seattle doesn’t have an NBA team anymore we support the Trailblazers. They did really well; they were playing the Indiana Pacers and were losing the first half but rallied
in the second half and beat them 97 to 92. I enjoyed the game, even the over-priced Budweiser was tasty always seems better at sporting event. LOL. We ate at the food trucks sprinkled in empty pay parking lots all over downtown.  Portland is a foodie city and they have small food trucks in empty pay parking lots, selling freshly made great food at cheap prices, all kinds Thai, Chinese, Greek, Iraqi, Vegan, Indian, and Vietnamese it was killer and nothing was over five bucks. I bought a pair of $109.00 shoes from Banana Republic for $16.99 on sale and Oregon has no sales tax so the savings are even better. And we ate donuts at the famous VooDoo Doughnuts, yes in the picture below that is a donut with a Trix cereal topping and one with bacon on it, yea it was good. I say visit the Rose City as soon as you can, it’s such a neat town. They do have some issues with homeless teenagers, they have a large population on them but they do what they can to help to them. Really, Portland is my kind of town with my kind of vibe, very laid-back and mellow. You cannot go wrong with that, great food and good beer. Enjoy the photos.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Black Women Be More Like Black Men

Whoa! Hold on, you say. That sounds like terrible advice but in one aspect of life, black men have it over black women. What aspect is that? Dating. Yes, plain and simple black women need to take a lesson from black men on dating, this one lesson. Date whoever you want and don’t give a rat’s behind what other folks think about it. I live in Seattle and it’s big on interracial and intercultural dating, it does it big time. When I first moved here almost 20 years ago I noticed something, many black men were swirling it up in this town and not concerned about who gave them the side-eye. It’s just been a recent phenomenon that black women have been doing this in Seattle, they haven't reached the levels of black men in the Seattle area but I do notice more and more black women dating interracially. Black men have been dating interracially a long time and just are not very concerned about what folks are thinking, particularly black women. I’ve always thought that a set of people who are real joyous in their interracial relationships, not giving a hoot about the world are black men and white women. I’m not writing this because I’m mad that black men date out and are lovin’ it. Man, I just wish black women would take on this same feeling about interracial dating.
Black women do more hand-wringing and worrying about what people are going to think if they just say they are attracted to non-bm, let’s not even talk about when they decide they might to want to date one. As black women we seem concerned about everyone’s feelings but our own. All skeeved out because of the family, friends, co-workers, black men, black women, the black community, our church, and just strangers on the street. Goodness gracious, why oh why aren’t we more concerned about our own happiness. There are websites dedicated to helping black women pursue their own self-interest and there are a lot of them. I find it absolutely amazing and mind-boggling that someone has to try to tell a set of grown women, maybe you need think of your own happiness before others.
I was perusing the boob tube last night and caught an episode of one of my favorite shows, I don’t get to see it as much as I’d like but I do enjoy ‘What Chili Wants’ on VH1. Last night’s episode had a particularly good scene where Chili was licking some wounds after finding out the really hot Brazilian race car driver, she was beginning to like, still had some baggage (old girlfriend) he had not rid himself of. She and her ‘love’ advisor Tionna Smalls had gone to a bridal shop where Tionna was trying on wedding dresses for her upcoming nuptials. Tionna was standing in a bridal gown on the pedestal lamenting to Chili how she wasn’t pursuing the ‘brothas’ anymore and how disappointed she was, yea boo effing hoo! Chili told her calmly but definitively that she’s always dated this way, she’d always dated all different races of men and what she wanted she looked on the inside to find not the outside. To which Tionna decided to try go all superior on her and explain why black men are so awesome and why no other man but a black can satisfy her and a bunch of other really childish rhetoric which all centered around the guy’s penis and not how the guy treated her. It was quite ridiculous, to which Chili replied ‘well, how do you know? How do you know you don’t like white guys, you’ve never been with one?’ Then Tionna decided to backpedal a little from her stupidity and say she wasn’t really attracted to white men, which is fine, if that’s it just say that’s it. But don’t start bragging about a man’s dick and think it should be enough for a woman to go all gaga over him. Then Chili said something I really hope a lot of black women heard, especially those that may be sitting on the fence about dating interracially. She said, that she dated any man she liked because that’s what black men do, they date who they want to date women of all races. Tionna had to agree with her on that because all you have to do is look around and see the truth in that and then Chili said that was also what white women did, dated whomever they were attracted to and two white chicks in the store had to nod in agreement. And yes, to all the black women, that’s what black men and white women both do, they date who they are attracted to and they don’t apologize, justify, or qualify why they are dating them to anyone. Black women, if you’re doing this, you need to stop. This is your life, stop straddling the fence trying to figure out whether or not you want it to be happy. I’ve always dated white men, although I find all races of men can contain some hotties I’ve just really always liked white guys. I’ve never worried how this affects other people or whether they will approve of my choices and I think people hold a level of respect for me because I don’t go around trying to make everyone feel okay with MY choice. I don’t begrudge anyone happiness and as I said above I’m not mad at black men because they date out and aren’t concerned about what I think as a black woman, they shouldn’t be, my opinion on what they do shouldn’t matter. I’m never offended and feel like they are snubbing me or it’s a reflection or affront to me, because it isn’t and if I thought it was then there would be something about me that’s narcissistic and weird and I ain't going there. So yes this is my choice.

I don’t ask anyone to explain theirs to me and I feel no obligation to explain mine to anyone. I suggest black women take a note from black men about IR dating, stop worrying what everybody thinks. A lot of white men and other non-black men are really interested in dating black women, but we’re our own worst enemies. Don’t ditch interracial dating just because you got your heart broke once by a white guy, that’s life not every man is going to be Mr. It and besides I don’t see black women doing that when a black guy breaks their heart. So ladies, yes it’s time to put on your big girl panties and start looking out for your own best interest the way black men do, ladies please take a lesson.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Letting Go of Crap: the Motherhood Edition

I don't have any children, I'm almost 40 years old and don't have one child and have never been pregnant. Now before you start misting up thinking, poor her, please don't. I don't want any children, I'm very happy being childless. I know it's a shocker, people seem to think that all women are made to be mothers and I must agree with that on the biological level, yes we are built to carry children but we're not all built to desire children. I actually love kids, they are great, cute and funny and I certainly love all the kids in my family. Between Matt and myself we have 15 nieces and nephews ranging from 24 years old to 2 years old. I love those kids so much and I want to be a good influence on their lives but really I like living in a house with Matt that is all adult, all the time. I don't have to hear the cries, temper tantrums, or see the unhappy faces or get the attitudes or listen to back talk or any of the frustration that can come with being a parent. Now, I don't think children do that all the time, of course they don't, I know they bring joy to their moms and dads but I also know that sometimes when I look at the parents of my nieces and nephews, they could use a break and it's not always easy to come by one. I can certainly understand that.

Now the decision not to have children was not a rash one, I thought long and hard in my twenties over whether or not I wanted kids. I am a type 1 diabetic and although it's not impossible to have children it takes some planning and I've gone to the doctor twice thinking about having children but in the end always changed my mind. I'd feel guilty bringing a child into the world that could possibly inherit my diabetes or risking my life to have child and the child ends up with no mom. I don't think it's fair. But believe me having type 1 diabetes is not the only reason I thought having kids would not be the best thing for me. I really do love my quiet, peaceful existence unless Matt and I are having a loud discussion, it's always quiet here. I also know it's not cheap to have a child and it bothers me that many people bring children into the world with no thought of the cost of having that child and expect others to 'pay' for their decision. I really do like spending my money on myself and the things I desire and I can certainly spend money on my nieces and nephews but I'm not responsible for them and if I don't want to, I don't have to. I like having that choice. I also enjoy that anytime I want to get up and get outta here, I can. Matt and I will be driving to Portland, Oregon this weekend for an 'us' weekend just some time to get away from home and relax just the two of us. I know for my brother and sister-in-law it's not always easy to get away and get time to themselves, they have to have a place for my niece to go. And although everyone loves her, with her cute little self, not everyone wants to be bothered with her at some points. I love being an Aunt, it is the best, I get to be like a parent without all the responsibilities. They come to my house and eat all the junk food, stay up late, watch bad television, oh it's on when you come to Auntie Punkin's place LOL. I love spoiling them, then when people get too mouthy I can just say 'oh it's time to go home'. The freedom of being an Aunt is what I love. I feel no obligation to my nieces and nephews, I do stuff for them because I want to do it, because I enjoy doing it and I like that arrangement so much better.

Women are made to feel 'less than' if they don't have kids. When I tell people how old I am, they usually ask me if I have kids and I say no and this look of utter shock comes on their face. I think most people expect for a black woman my age to have children and they may think something is defective about me because I don't. There is nothing defective with me, I've made a choice and I'm concious of that choice and what it means. But I wasn't planning on having kids to save my marriage or take care of me as an older adult, it bothers me when people have children and the kid is barely out of the womb and they already got it working. Children are a gift from God and should be treated as such. Because I was cognizant of who I was and who I wasn't, I made the best choice for  me. It's been said that if you don't want kids, you're not nuturing and men don't like that, eh I call shenanigans on that crap. I nuture my nieces and nephews, they don't have to be your kids for you to nuture them and there is nothing unfeminine about not being a mom. I love my mother, very dearly and I'm always so glad she understands and respects my decision to not be a mother. It's an important job being a parent and I truly respect any person that does it well because it ain't easy. But I'd like respect too because I've chosen a different path, one that suits me and my fiance. I wish more people would think critically as I did in my younger years about becoming parents because it's an important job, anyone can make a baby, it takes real women and men to raise one. It also takes real women and men to decide that it's not a good choice for their lives.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-HGTV Hunks

I told you guys earlier this week that I love HGTV and I do, I'm watching it right now. But one of the reasons I love the channel so much is not just the television shows on decorating, gardening and home-buying, no the real reason is there are just so many hot guys on that channel. I mean, come on, the amount of man-candy on that one channel is staggering. Yea guys you see your girl watching HGTV and you just think she's getting tips on a home-makeover but really she's drooling a bit every time Scott McGillvray flashes those pearly whites. I live in an apartment and really have no use for a carpenter and even if I did, Matt could do it, he's actually pretty handy. But if I did need a carpenter I'd be hoping one of guys from HGTV shows up. It makes no possible good sense for this much hotness to exist on a channel. Really, I get why HGTV does it, this is a channel aimed at women so you have to let us ogle a few cute guys because really I'm not planning on gutting on my house, but it sure is nice to hot guy gut someone else's.

So enjoy a little look at the hunks of HGTV.

Jamie Durie host 'The Outdoor Room' and his Australian accent is so killer.

Scott McGillvray host 'Income Property' look at that smile, he should be doing Crest ads.

Dues Xavier Scott is a carpenter on 'Designed to Sell', he's got some nice arms and a nice smile.

Carter Oosterhouse used to host 'Carter Can' and lord yes, Carter certainly can.

Chip Wade is a carpenter on 'Curb Appeal: The Block'. Look at his arms, does anyone wonder why I'm strung out over carpenters. LOL.

John Gidding is the host of 'Curb Appeal: The Block'. He is so sophisticated and used to model for romance novel covers, look at that face I can see why.

And last but certainly not least, David Bromstad who host 'Color Splash'. Yes, I know David is gay but he is so cute and sexy to me and he's my gay man crush. What can I say, I'm strange.

Blog Love-Racy JC

Today I am sending out mad blog love to Racy JC's blog. Racy JC is author, JC Davies and she recently wrote and published a book called "I Got The Fever" a guide to intercultural dating. And I say intercultural, not interracial because JC is a cool NYC white chick spreading the awesome word about intercultural dating and how it's done. Her blog, includes articles about intercultural dating and advice to those who may be wondering, how to make it happen. I love JC's blog so much because she 'gets it' and not many people do. I am big on intercultural/interracial dating, I really push for black women to do it more especially here in America. But I'm also all behind folks of any race, culture, or gender combination to get to dating whomever is going to make you happy. JC is funny, irreverant, witty, and smart all qualities I can admire in a woman. So I say check out JC's blog and ask her a question if you have one, she will definitely be able to help. So love goes out to Racy JC, our intercultural dating guru.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Want to Be HGTV'd and Badly!

Yes, I love HGTV, in fact I adore HGTV. I can spend whole days just watching the shows on HGTV, that's how much of a fein I am for HGTV. If you don't know what it is (and shame on you if you don't) it's Home and Garden Televison with the big emphasis being on home. They do all kinds of home shows, decorating buying, selling, renting apartments, home improvement, and some gardening. I watch it religiously and take in all the possible advice I can on everything to do with the home. My finace has forbade me from ever saying 'pop of color' again. They give away a dream house once a year, no one ever keeps it though, property taxes too high. They go around the U.S. and the world as people buy homes on House Hunters. They give some excellent advice on how to buy a home. I love Sandra Rinamato of 'Property Virgins' she tells like it is with home-buying. They show people buying their first home and selling their home. They redecorate just about everything.

I must say there are some real hotties on HGTV and ladies if you didn't know it, your local handyman or carpenter may just may be a stud muffin. But don't get mad at me if he's just an older guy with plumber's crack LOL. But really from John Gidding to Jamie Durie (love that Australian accent) to David Bromstad (O-M-G he's hot too bad he's gay) to Scott McGillvray (he so hot it should be a crime) to Chip Wade (oh the bald head, the cute bald head). They have such hot guys on this station. I'll be doing a Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot! edition featuring them this week. But I can't leave out the ladies, yes I love their shows too Genevieve Gorder who's just a sweetheart, Candice Olsen when I win the lotto I'm hiring here to decorate my house, Kimberly Lacey who is on 'Curb Appeal: The Block' not only is just so cute I love her hair and Sabrina Soto, my Target girl. What can I say, I'm a sucker for HGTV. Now I don't own a home but I frequently use their advice to do decorating and when Matt and I buy a home, I'm bring Sandra Rinamato out to help us along the way. Yes I am a HGTV feign. And now they have a new show called HGTV'd where one of their amazing designing stars could be pulling up an 18 wheeler truck to your home to help you re-decorate. Are you joking? I'm so all over that, yes really I want to be HGTV'd like no other. I want it bad, real bad. And I'm going to make it happen. Yea the next thing you know, you'll see my cheesy grin all over HGTV and I hope they send David Bromstad.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Star's Favorite...Movies-The Long Kiss Goodnight

This edition of my movie favorites is highlighting one of my all-time favorite action movies, The 'Long Kiss Goodnight' starring Gena Davis and Samuel L. Jackson. This is an awesome, totally underrated movie full of action and adventure from beginning to end. The movie was directed by Gena Davis’ then husband Renny Harlin, who had directed Gena in a couple of low brow action movies. This one just happened to be the best of them. Gena plays Samantha Caine/Charly Baltimore, a spy that loses her memory and regains it after, many years of living as undercover identity as Ms. Caine due to amnesia,when she gets into a serious car accident. Samuel L. Jackson plays Mitchell Hennessey her half-ass private detective, who gets sucked into this mess because of his continued work on her case but no big leads. This movie was all action from the first fight scene where Ms. Caine dukes it out with her would-be assassin to the end where she puts a good whooping on Timothy, her nemesis, played by Craig Beirko. The movie even has a stellar soundtrack that I own along with the movie. The soundtrack includes tracks by Jimmy Cliff and Patti LaBelle and the LaBelles, it’s excellent. There is nothing like a good soundtrack to add to already hot movie.

Now I really do loved action packed thrillers but this also had some really snappy dialogue. Most of which was done by Samuel L. Jackson, no one curses quite like him. I do enjoy some gratuitous violence but when it’s violence along with some snappy dialogue what can I say I’m smitten. I must warn you this not Citizen Kane, but it’s not supposed to be. It’s supposed to fun and have you on the edge of your seat till the end and this movie certainly does. I say see it as soon as you can and you’ll love it like I do. Enjoy this preview.

Take a Moment and Be Thankful for Your Freedom

I just wanted to acknowledge Dr. Martin Luther King Day. It's more than an extra day off or a time to have a sale. It's a time to celebrate a man that gave more than just black people their freedom. Along with countless other men and women, Dr. King fought for all our freedom. He not only gave civil rights to black people, he gave it to all Americans. Now we are all free to love as we choose, go to school with who we want, live in neighborhoods that we desire, have friends who are different races from us, and work where our talents are appreciated. People gave their lives so that I could have the freedom to marry Matt and make a family with him. I don't want this day to pass without a big thank you to those folks. And I ask each and every one of you reading this, what are you doing to keep the spirit of service going? Think about it and if you can't figure something out, find a way to serve. It gives you more than you could ever give away.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Letting the Crap Go: the 'Hood Pass' Edition

I’m not sure if any or all you have heard of the infamous saying ‘hood pass’ or ‘ghetto pass’. If you haven’t, lucky you, if you have, I’m about to put it in its grave in my vocabulary. Personally, I don’t like the concept of the ‘hood pass’ it’s an insult on so many levels. First, it’s an insult because it assumes someone can just give a pass to the hood or someone would want a pass to the hood. Secondly, as a black woman I don’t see myself as hood or ghetto, so no I’m not giving out passes to that mess. The kinda sorta definition of this term is that someone who is non-black can get a pass when saying stupid stuff about black people because well, they know black people. I don’t know who came up with the concept but really I’d like to take a 12-inch wooden ruler to the back of their hand. They’ve made the lives of intelligent black people hell.

Chappelles Show
I Know Black People Pt. 1
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDsBlack ComedyTrue Hollywood Story

I’d heard the term ‘hood pass’ used in passing (no pun intended, I swear) but I really got a hold of it when John Mayer (who I still want to secretly love) said in an interview when he started to say some not so gentlemanly things about black actress, Kerry Washington. Really he said some not so gentlemanly things about a bunch of women but this was particularly dumb because it had to do with Ms. Washington’s race and his penis being like David Duke, which I assumed meant white, skinny, ugly, and kind of scary. For some reason Mr. Mayer thought it was okay to make these asinine comments about Ms. Washington because someone had given him a ‘hood pass’. I swear if I catch that person, I’m going to throttle them. So for this reason he thought that all would be forgiven by intelligent black people everywhere if he went on and on about how Ms. Washington just looked like she would give your friend a bj just to be bitchy.

I’ve come across the term again but this one was of a more personal nature and this is why I’ve decided someone needs to throw this term in the ground, bury it with plenty of dirt and spit on the grave.

A good friend of mine, a white guy, was telling me about a conversation he heard between two co-workers having, they were white young men. One was telling the other one of the story of a black guy he’d gone to high school with that had replaced a varsity basketball player while he was still junior varsity. He told of the spectacular feats of this young man and how amazing he was at playing basketball. Then he said and I’m only paraphrasing here, ‘yea you know because he was black he was really good at basketball, all black guys are.’ Now when I heard this story my brow furrowed because…well it was stupidest thing I’d heard in a long time. Even stupider that two people would have this conversation in public, at work, and around other co-workers. But the stupidest part came with the next comment my friend told me he made which was ‘yea I can say that because I had a black roommate’. What the hell? Yea, I had a white husband at one point too but that doesn’t give me free reign to just say any dumb thing I want about white people. That’s when I thought about the ‘hood pass’ and how this concept has made some white people especially younger ones lose their dang minds. Even worse are the black people who seem to be going along with this foolishness. All I could think is that the black young man on the basketball team could have many reasons why he was a good player, maybe he practiced, maybe he worked out, maybe he concentrated to make himself better. It’s not as if he sprang from the womb dribbling a Wilson. I’m putting this out to young people and old people. I want everyone to think long and hard about this, if there’s a conversation you’re having about another racial group and you can’t bring a person of that race in to hear it, something is wrong with that conversation. I also want young people to stop with the concept of the ‘hood pass’, you’re really just making yourself and your white friend look ignorant.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Want a Love Just Like Theirs

My mom and dad were a great couple. Although my dad passed away almost 30 years ago I can still remember what a great couple they made. My dad wasn't my natural dad he married my mom with three young children, me being one of them and then my little brother came along after they were married. My dad never treated us differently, we were and are till this day his kids. I always say a good man can be a father to his own children but it takes a special man to be a father to someone else's. He and my mom made a hell of couple. They were stylish and good looking people. My mom looks like me or I look like my mom and my dad was a tall, big man and incredibly handsome and he had the best smile ever. My little brother looks exactly like my dad except his tone is lighter, it's sometimes scary to watch him he reminds me so much of my dad. My parents were a loving couple and they loved us and showed us that all the time. My dad was an affectionate man as I remember, he used to tickle me all the time. I also remember standing on his feet while he walked, he was such a giant to me as a child.

I'm glad I got to see their love, as a child I didn't really get all the nuances of it. I just knew they were my parents and they loved each other and loved us. But as I hear my mom talk about my dad now it's amazing. She tells me what good friends they were, that they just didn't love each other they liked each other. When they went to parties and events at friends' homes, my parents would never do the women over here and men over there thing. They'd go and chat up friends but you could usually find them in each other's company and folks joining them. I think other people saw the love that existed between them. Every summer we went on a family vacation usually a drive to San Antonio as a family to stay a week and wear out the hotel pool. But when we got home, my mom and dad would take off on an 'adult' vacation. They'd drive off and leave us with my Aunt and they would have a good time spending time with each other for a week. They knew how to be parents but they knew that they had to maintain a loving husband/wife relationship to have a happy family. Now, my parents would fight and I'm sure everyone saw their parents fight and be upset with one another but the next day it would all be okay. I never felt scared that their marriage would end and neither one of them ever left the house and stayed gone overnight because of a fight.

They were always in each other's corner and would defend one another when the time came. I remember my mother telling me a story about someone at my dad's job making a joke about him when he was getting his paycheck, telling him to 'take it on home to mama' like he was whipped, which is the furtherest thing from the truth. Well that was the wrong thing to say to my dad, he had a bit of a temper and they got blessed out good on that trucking warehouse floor. That's what made my dad a man, he did take his paycheck home to his wife, he paid all the bills in the household too and my mom's pay went to us kids, family vacations and to herself. When my dad had to have surgery and was off of work for awhile with no sick pay, she stepped in and took care of him till he returned to work. When my dad died, when I was 9 years old, it was the saddest day of my life, I was shocked and extremely upset. My mom didn't cry a lot, I think she was trying to be strong for us but for 2 years after that she told when I was older she couldn't go to grocery store because that was something they did and enjoyed together. I remember as a kid for two years we went out to eat almost every day unless we were eating at a family member's house. I guess during that conversation I realized my mom was hurting too, she's never married again or had the desire to marry anyone. I think my dad was the love of her life and she couldn't find anyone quite like him. When she talks about him I see it in her eyes and I hear it in her voice, she loved that man. That's what I want with Matt and what I think I have. My mother adores Matt, she thinks he is the sweetest thing ever and he is. She also tells me he how much he reminds her in many ways of my father, he reminds me of my father too. Maybe that's why I love him so much, maybe that's why I chose him. My dad was the first man I ever loved and his love and influence is felt by me today. Matt has big shoes to fill if he's filling Lionel Green's shoes but I think he can do it. There's a saying, the best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother, my dad did a hell of a job.

Their are many couples we can look to emulate their love but I'm glad I can look at my parents and know what it means to be married to a person and to love that person truly and deeply.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Star's Favorite...Television-Law and Order Franchise

What can I say about Law & Order that hasn't already been said, it's the best show on television and the endurance of its franchises tells you why. How do you make three shows with three different cast, involving three different parts of law enforcement the most dynamic show on television? Here's how, turn the story loose. I have been watching the Law & Order Franchise I know for over a decade. The only other show I ever followed that close for that long was Seinfeld. I love this show and want to know why because it never gets too personal and it never gets old. How many shows half-hour sitcoms or full hour dramas do you know where it doesn't get all personal and sticks to the essence of the show, that are successful? Don't think CSI because everybody gets personal in that show. I know some of the later L&O's did a little peep in on folks lives when it came to the cases they worked but the original, was almost anonymous and that's what I always loved. Now of course, my favorite of the L&O's is the original Law and Order. And it was damned shame when they cancelled it, what was that about? There are certainly not any shows where the cast can continually change and it never misses a beat.

Although, I love the original L&O, I am an absolute feign for Law and Order: Criminal Intent. Vincent D'Onofrio's, Bobby Goren just had me at the first hello. What can I say his character's quirkiness and the fact that he was a virtual genius just got my juices flowing. *blushes*  I was so happy when they brought back Chris Noth's character from the original L&O, Mike Logan, the original L&O hottie. When he plays Mike Logan, I just totally forget he ever played 'Big'. He and Annabella Sciorra made a great team on the show, it sucked she was only on for a short time. Although I do love me some Jeff Goldblum, he has swagger. I am missing my man, Vincent, I hope he comes back.

The original Law & Order was the longest running show on television and I know why, it was a fantastic show. All the stories ripped straight from the headlines with a bit of a twist. It also had some of the best guest stars ever. I think everybody has been on L&O and even though the cast changed as much as the weather I had my favorites on it too. I really love Chris Noth but he wasn't my favorite detective on the original. Jerry Orbach, a Broadway sensation was the indelible, Lenny Briscoe, he had some of the best lines. Another one of my favorite detectives was Ed Green played by another Broadway veteran, Jesse L. Martin and the detective is the namesake of my little brother. And even though he wasn't on the show long, Dennis Farina played Joe Fontana and man was he good I thought it was tragic when he left. My favorite District Attorney was Fred Thompson as Arthur Branch, there wasn't a better one and he had some lines that still are my favorites to this day. One of my favorites is 'doing good ain't enough, you gotta be seen doing good'. Classic, Arthur Branch. I can't say anything about Sam Waterson as the Executive ADA, Jack McCoy, really the show wouldn't be any good without him. He was the conscious when it was needed and doing what needed to done when it needed to be done. But my favorite ADA was the beautiful and tough Abbie Carmichael played by Angie Harmon. How do you go wrong, she just seemed like the kind of woman that would rip off a dude's balls, she was great.

I love Law and Order:Special Victims Unit. Really, I hate to say this but if I want to know what the new sexual crimes that are being committed I watch this L&O, they are way ahead of the curve. Sometimes it can be gut-wrenching to watch and if you've ever worked in law enforcement or for an law enforcement agency and I have, the SVU portion of it is not fun at all but it's necessary. I love Christopher Meloni as the just too hot, Elliot Stabler, really I watch the show to just watch him look hot and go off on people. I also  enjoy Mariska Hargitay as Olivia Benson, she's the daughter of the 50's bombshell Jayne Mansfield.  She can be a bit over the top and emotional but I really love her character and she's a pretty good actress. The SVU cast is really good cast bringing back Dann Florek who was on the original L&O at the beginning as Don Cragen. This is a great show that includes Tamara Tunie, B.D. Wong, Stephanie March (who's married to celebrity chef, Bobby Flay), Richard Belzer, and Ice-T as Odafin Tutuola, what a great character name and his on-show son is gay. Yea, it's an interesting show.

There are and were others in this franchise. The now defunk Law and Order: Trial by Jury, which I use continuously in teaching my paralegal studies course. This really is the best legal show on television to use as a pretty close example of the legal system, it may not be true to life all the time but it comes really close and uses a lot of good legal examples. There's also the new Law and Order: L.A. which I am unhappy to say I hate. Not even having Terence Howard on this show could save it, they took all the things that are great about the show and killed them in trying to be original. Why mess with greatness? Then there's the version that takes place across the pond, Law and Order: UK which is great. They've only changed the legal process to the English version and people wearing robes and wigs but the cases are the same. It's a really good show and they have something no other version of L&O has ever had a young black woman as part of the legal system, she's a prosecutor so they put that ugly white wig on her. But I'm really excited about this new turn of events, the actress's name is Freema Agyeman and she's a hot mama.

Yes, I am an Law and Order freak and Dick Wolf is a genius but I'm sure he already knows this.

Blog Love-Just Like Me Couples

I like to share a blog post for blogs I really love and want others to check out. I got mad blog love going out to blog, Just Like Me Couples. I found it while perusing random blogs. I love it, this blog is run by PurpleNepenthe and it's great. It features famous and everyday black female and non-black male couples. I like this because, yes, I like to see couples that look like Matt and myself. I don't know why, it's just very reassuring. The blog is very positive in it's message and image of bw/non-bm couples without any hoopla or controversy. It'sjust celebrating the couples love and showing couples that look like us. I am certainly praying for the day to come where we won't need these kinds of blogs (no offense PurpleNephenthe) and our love will be special because love is special and not because it involves a black woman and non-black man. Please if you are a bw/non-bm interracial couple submit your photo to her and she'll feature you on the blog, check it out for more details.

Black-Owned Don't Mean Nothing to Me

I had to comment on this, because a Facebook friend asked a question on his status about why it’s not racist to put black-owned on your business but it would be to put white-owned on your business. I’m not really in trying to figure out the philosophy about why one is okay while the other would have people foaming at the mouth. Life is full of double-standards, so what. But I did want to touch on why anyone would put black-owned on their business in the first place. Is this something that blossomed out the L.A. riots of 1992, you know those started on my birthday, if it is it’s just ridiculous. Putting black-owned on your business is not a reason for me to step into it and start spending my hard-earned money, is it? I think not.

As black people I think we’re sometimes brainwashed or just plain stupid, we give our allegiance to things with absolutely no thought to exactly why we’re so willingly handing over our allegiance. I work really hard for my money as most of us do and because I work hard for my money, I try to spend it wisely. In this economy that’s the smart thing to do but really that’s the smart thing to do even when things are booming.

I certainly don’t mean that I only frequent businesses where the owners aren’t black that would be ridiculous. I say I frequent businesses where the owners appreciate my business, are professional, the service is good, and the prices are in line with that service. Personally, I’d pay more for good service it’s worth it.

I’m going to share a story with you about why I stopped going to my black stylist (a salon owner) and started going to a white stylist. Which will shed some light on why being a black-owned business is just not enough for me to be your customer. I’d been going to my black stylist for awhile, she did my hair great but there always something missing, I almost felt like I was going to her out of desperation. She was reasonable in cost, a little cheaper than the person I go to now but really that didn’t make a difference when it came to service and professionalism. I would walk in for an appointment, that she never called to remind me I had and would sit for 30 minutes sometimes before another stylist would say, ‘mmm [insert her name], I think your 12:00 is here’ nodding their head towards me. She was never on time and I am stickler about being timely, my time is valuable, everyone’s is and it just irks me when people are late especially when it happens repeatedly. I find it insulting. I shouldn’t have to remind you or hunt you down for you to realize you have an appointment with me; she didn’t even have spot for me to check-in. She was at least late 30 minutes to an hour and half all the time, usually because she was trying to do three or four clients hair at once. I’d spend 2 hours under a dryer because she was trying to shuffle all her clients, start one head, while finishing up another. When I sat in her chair there was always just a ton of people hanging out there, talking, gossiping, and commenting it was just weird. They weren’t getting their hair done, they were just hanging out. People with their kids running around and everyone eating full on lunches will doing your hair. I had just had enough, I couldn’t take it. I found my new stylist and it was total difference, reminders of appointments, professionalism, on time, she was never with more than one client at once so I was her focus during my appointment time, clean, no kids running around, no one eating their lunch while they did my hair, and there were not people hanging out at her station while my services were being done. Yes, she cost more but I was happy to give my money to something worth it.

I am not a person that believes I owe allegiance to the black community and all it entails. I owe allegiance to me, now if any business whether it be black or white-owned wants my business they have to earn it. If I stepped into a white-owned business and got crappy service, and believe me I have and they didn’t get my money either, I’d be out the door. Really I’m not the kind of customer that goes into hysterics about being treated badly or folks being unprofessional, all I do is take my money and business and go elsewhere. The only thing that happens with me is that you never see me again and you never know why. What this means is I don’t actively look for black-owned businesses and I don’t actively shun them. It means that anyone that wants my dollars has to do a good job and many black-owned businesses do that, they are competitive and good businesses. I have a business and I don’t expect blind loyalty to me because we just happen to share the same racial background. I have to earn people’s business, which means I have to do all the things that make that happen. Putting a black-owned sign on the outside of your storefront is not going to make me want to go in. I wish some black-owned businesses would do the actual hard work of making their business professional, competitive, and providing great service that would get them business from anyone, including me.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Brad Pitt

I love this featured post and I'm just going to continue to do it every week. This one is dedicated to an old star crush of mine, Brad Pitt. My obsession, oops I mean admiration for this man has been a long one. Going back to the days when he starred in 'Thelma & Louise' I didn't even know who he was then but after that movie I never forgot him. How could you I, he looked so good, like the last pork chop on the plate. The amazing part is that even as he ages he just becomes better looking, even when he had that long nasty-looking goatee that made him look homeless, he was still hotter than most men in this world. He is such a handsome man, I've seen studies done that say one of the reasons many women find him so handsome is because of his face structure, it's called the bulldog face, he has it so does Will Smith (who will be featured in one these post later). I'm not making any judgments on his and Angelina's relationship, that's there business. And personally I always thought he was better looking than Jennifer Aniston (that was her fault, she should of just had the baby LOL). Not only is he hotter than the Chicago fire, he has the stink of responsibility and that is really a heady combination in a man. It's almost irresistible. I know his looks aren't for every woman and he doesn't drive every girl wild but to say he's not at least cute, is to say you are blind.

Here is a testament to how hot Brad Pitt is, my best friend and myself took her two teenage nieces and my teenage niece to see 'Twilight' when it came out. At the time 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' was in theaters. As we passed the huge movie advertisement for it, my best friend's niece started going on about how good looking Brad Pitt was and the other girls agreed. I told my best friend, 'oh my god, the man is so hot even teenagers know it.' So enjoy some Mr. Pitt.

Sometimes...Rejection is a Good Thing

I know no one wants to be rejected, that’s not what I’m saying here. It’s rough when you’re rejected by a friend, a job, but especially by a mate or potential mate. No one looks to be rejected and most of the time we really don’t think we’re going to be rejected after that first great conversation or incredible date or those years of sacrifice in that relationship but it happens. I peruse quite a few websites about women and dating specifically about black women and dating interracially. I see quite a few women who are determined not to date until they get the sign from God. Really, as a Christian, I know God can give people signs about stuff in different ways usually a way that will speak to you specifically, but I also know God is not taking forever to give those signs all the time. Sometimes God speaks really quickly, so it always baffles and amuses me that so many of these women seemed to have been waiting a lifetime for a ‘sign’…really God has to have spoken to someone the day after they put the prayer request in. Not everyone has to stand in the line from Hades waiting for a life partner. Then again maybe you’re not just ready for a life partner, but that’s a different post. I’ve come to the conclusion that the ‘sign’ excuse by Christian and non-Christian women alike, is just an excuse for not actually wanting to get out there and date because of the fear of rejection. When I met Matt it was few months after the breakup of my marriage, once I met him and got to know him it didn’t take long for me to discern the signs that he was the one and I’d be a damn fool if I let him get away because I waiting for a lightning bolt to strike.

Rejection is part of life, an unpleasant part but there are lots of unpleasant parts of life. It’s unavoidable, I’m sorry. I’ve rejected people and been rejected before and as much as it hurts I’ve come to believe that there is good in rejection. One of the things I believe is that when things happen, that was what was supposed to happen, even bad things. You can learn from rejection but sometimes rejection is a godsend. A little before I started to date again I was watching ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ with Patti Stanger, she really does have a lot of useful advice when it comes to dating and she said ‘rejection is God’s protection’. It’s kind of simple-sounding but I think it’s true. We’re sometimes so heartbroken and tore up about rejection but if you think of it as ‘oh boy, I just dodged that bullet’. It can be a little better, yes you’ll still be hurt but you’ll get over it. So after listening to that mantra from Patti every time I went on a date with a guy and if he rejected me I was okay.

Before I met Matt, I’d been kind of seeing a guy a little when all of sudden he just kind of flipped the script and went totally weird on me. I figured it was because he didn’t want to see me but didn’t have the balls to say so. So I stopped talking to him because he was rejecting me and I’ll be a nincompoop in Nepal before I just stand there and continually take the rejection. If I had kept pursuing him what would have happened is I would have missed out on my gem, Matt, that would have been tragic because eventually the other guy would have kicked me to the curb anyway and probably really hard and that rejection would have been worse.

I know it’s hard to fathom rejection being a good thing but sometimes it really is and we should be thankful that some relationships we never got into with certain people. I know it hurts your feelings and your ego is damaged a bit but it’s not going to kill you. There are some instances where maybe you should be learning a lesson about yourself. Maybe trying to fix what made the person reject you, maybe finding out why you wanted to be with someone like that in the first place. I was watching ‘The Soup’ the other night and Joel usually makes jokes about the lunacy on television. He was showing a clip from ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ of a woman who was the millionaire on a date with a really hot guy, the girl was overweight and I’m not cleaning it up by saying chunky, she was severely overweight and not particularly cute not because she was overweight, she just didn’t really know how to fix herself up. The guy as I said before was very handsome, model looks, they were on the date he was obviously rejecting her but didn’t want to be really mean about it although he was being a jerk. While he rejected her by saying nasty things, every time he said something she’d come back and desperately try to get him to like her. He said he was an a-hole, she said she liked a-holes. She told him she’d buy him a Maserati, give him money, after that he got a little more friendly but not by much. He asked her to do something sexual to him under the table and she complied willingly out of desperation and not wanting to be rejected. I know Joel meant to show this because he thought it was funny and he did make a joke but really it wasn’t funny it was sad and pathetic. It showed the desperate things someone will sink to just not to be rejected. We are not meant to be with everyone we have a conversation, date or even long term relationship with, sometimes those things are just for the moment and we must take them as lessons to learn from. Not every rejection is a personal slight on you; sometimes other people are just not in the right place for that relationship to flourish.

But I also want to stress not to be scared to be rejected. You just can’t sit in your home, apartment, go to work, and go to church and expect that the man or woman of your dreams is going to drop out the sky. If you’re a Christian, you need to understand that God has a job but sometimes you have a job too. You have to get out, be seen, meet people, and be available. If I had not been available to love, love would have never found me. I must say this to non-Christian black women too because they also have this thing about waiting for Mr. Right to just show up out of nowhere. You have to learn how to be in a relationship, you have to be in one to learn, which means you may be rejected. You cannot go on about ‘Oh no he didn’t. How dare that jerk reject me, don’t he know who I am’.
Yea he knows, you’re not the right woman for him and he’s not the right man for you. You also have to remember sometimes you’re going to be the one doing the rejection and you do not want someone questioning why you did it. We all as adults need to be okay if rejection happens, it’s not the end of the world. And for non-black men, who are terrified at being rejected by black women, get over it and get some balls. If you are rejected, doesn’t matter; try again because in all the no’s you will hear all you need is one yes. Just one yes.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Star's Favorite...Music-Florence & the Machine

One of the things you'll probably figure out as you read this blog is that I am electic. I like what I like and I'm not real concerned if people don't understand my likes. Just as with movies, I love music. I wish I had some musical talent but alas I have none. I can't sing, personally I would torture anyone with my singing and I can't play an instrument, my mom always tried to make me take something but I resisted. I was a stubborn child. My music tastes run the gamut, I can't really fit it into a neat box. This post will be the beginning of you maybe wondering, what will she come up with next.

I was in Barnes & Noble a couple of months ago in the music section as I stood there looking for a copy of the DVD 'The Firm' I heard this beautiful strong voice overhead singing a song that I really wasn't aware of the name. I asked the guy behind the counter who it was and he said 'Oh it's this group.' He handed me the CD case with a picture of redhead with plastic lungs on the outside of her chest. At the top it said Florence + the Machine , at the bottom, 'Lungs' and lungs is what she got. I was in music love. I don't regularly hear a lot of new groups I like. I hate to be a old fogey but much of today's music is as dry as Gandhi's sandals. I never get eargasms when I hear new stuff. But I got an eargasm when I heard this, the best one I've had in a long time. The singer, Florence Welch, is from the UK. They really are producing some strong talented female singers over there lately but I'll touch on that in another post. Her voice is magnificent, it's high and strong, she almost blows you over with it. I think that day I was listening in Barnes and Noble she was singing 'The Dog Days are Over' what a magnificent song. Take a listen:

I love the words to this song, my favorite line from the song is

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

There is something about those words that ring true for me.

When the tempo picks up in the song I can't help but cut loose, there's something so primal about it. I got to move and I love it. I also love 'You Got the Love' she has a beautiful soulful, pop voice. Now when I was introduced to Florence & the Machine they hadn't really made a big splash on the radio and the next thing I know I hear my 14 year old niece a few weeks later listening to something that sounds familiar, it was Florence. I was impressed, the kid has some aweosme music tastes, I think she inherited that from me LOL. I'm glad they have made a name for themselves, the U.S. market is not easy to get into and I wish them success. I also wish that they'd make their way up to the Pacific Northwest so I can go check them out live, I bet 'The Dog Days are Over' is brillant live. I love this new group and this song really says something to me because it kind of speaks to my life at this moment, the dog days are over for me, I've survived and thrived and I want to celebrate. I cannot wait to see Florence & the Machine live, come on you guys I need a good music fix.

'My Big Friggin' Wedding' This is What I Do Not Want to Happen

I am planning my upcoming wedding. Matt and I are getting married in September of this year and I'm excited. Now, I'm not big on 'traditional' so this wedding is going to be a small affair with family and just close friends. Matt and I both have large families, his is particularly huge because his father was adopted as a child then as an adult found his birth family and his mom has 4 brothers and a sister, yes it grows exponentially. My mom is an only child with lots of cousins, which means I have lots of cousins. We do share this one thing, we each don't have tons of friends. I'm not saying that as a bad thing, I'm not the kind of person that needs a ton of people that I'm not very close to as friends. Really, give me 2 or 3 people I'm tight with and that's all the friends I need. Matt has his best friend and a couple of other guy friends.

As excited as I am about marrying Matt, I am not excited about the wedding event. As I sat watching television absently in the middle night the other day, it came to me why I'm not.

I was watching a show on either VH1 or MTV, can't really tell those stations apart anymore, called 'My Big Friggin' Wedding'. I've seen it before but it's not something I watch regularly I just hate those shows with the bridezillas and the skanky families. But this particular night they were showing the weddings of two of the show participants. Alyssa and Tyler with the white trash special, her mom and her mom's boyfriend grinding on the dancefloor like they were getting ready to have sex and then since they were totally drunk getting in fight and him calling her all kinds of names one of which, I'd snatch a dude's balls off if he said to me. Alyssa wass also fighting the wedding planner, Tony, then he gets all pissy and starts ripping lights out the wall and packing his stuff up before the wedding is over. She decided she wasn't going to pay him and he told her that he'd sue. Then there was Tammie and Danny, with her guidette butt complaining the whole wedding. Who calls their own wedding awful and ugly? Who does that? She was crying and screeching the whole night about people being mean to her enough that her now husband, Danny, had to tell her to stop that was embarassing him. Personally, I agreed with him. I felt embarassed for her, she looked ridiculous and totally out of control. Wow! Happy wedding day, NOT!!! Watch if you dare.

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I am terrified that if I have a big wedding this will be the end result and there will be no way to avoid it. It's not like I'm saying that someone's family is white trash/ghetto or I'm going to go all apeshit bridezilla on people but potential disaster in any shape or form is what I fear most.

As much as people say, it's your day, do what you like, I don't believe them. I know that people will be sticking their nose in this wedding whether I like it or not. And believe me, when it comes to my nerves I usually have only one good one and if you get on it, it's going to turn out bad and not for me. I can just imagine, the anxiety about things turning out perfectly and I just don't want to deal with that in any way. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I can see myself being overwrought with worry about all the details, especially those I can't control. I just don't want what happened on this show to happen to me. When I was planning a bigger wedding, not giant just a little bigger the stress started to send me into panic and anxiety attacks. Everyone has a request, you need to invite so and so, this person needs to be in the wedding, why don't you have the reception here or there. I couldn't handle it, so for a moment I called off having any wedding at all and said I wanted to go to the courthouse and screw the formalities. I got over my panic and anxiety and decided against that rash decision. But really I haven't gone back to anything bigger, I can't give any details someone I know may read this. But rest assured whatever people are expecting, that's what is not going to happen. Matt and I have discussed it thoroughly and made up our minds that this is OUR wedding and it's going to be done on OUR terms. I hate to disappoint people but really more than anything, I don't want to be disappointed by having a wedding that turns into a mess like these two because I'm trying to impress some people none of which are coming off a dime. I know it's harsh but it's truth. But my wedding day will be happy one and I will not be accused of being a bridezilla.