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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I'm Sorry to Tell You This, But the Choice is Yours

I really hate giving people bad news but I guess I have to be the bearer, yes you ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS have a choice. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and even then you have choice or you bound and gagged, you have a choice in everything that goes on in your life. I get so sick and tired of the old meme of 'I didn't have a choice, I had to do it' that's bullshit and I'm calling complete shenanigans on that right now. I received this comment today regarding the 'Braxton Family Values' Teaches Black Women a Valuable Lesson' blog I did in June.

Anonymous said: It is a sad situation. Playing devil's advocate. we do not know the full view of the mother and father's relationship. What if they had a great relationship and it just changed down the road. Some good people make bad decisions. Who is to say the mother was the perfect wife. Again not excusing the father's behavior. Television does not provide the whole story.
Also bad relationships happens in every race and not just in the black community. Just speaking from experience. Great article. 

I don't know who it's from but I have my guesses. If it's a man, it's typical. If it's a woman, it's just sad. This post is about choice but I thought after I received this comment that it would be apropos to use it in this blog post. Because choice is such a integral thing in human beings, even the worse most oppressive conditions known to man some people still made the choice to go against that oppression even under the threat of death. That's the power of choice. No matter where you are in this world, what plight you live in or under, you can make a choice to go against it. Now that may mean you endanger yourself or your family but you still have that choice.  In one of my favorite songs by the band, Rush called 'Freewill' there's this pivotal line. 

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. 

That's deep, that's the power free will, we all have it whether people are willing to let you use it or not. You still have free will, it doesn't go away with a situation. It goes away when you choose not to exercise it. 

This leads to me responding to the above post. All the sisters in the Braxton household are exercising their choice, a bad one but it's still a choice. In another blog posts I wrote called 'You Don't Have to Live with Your Mistake Forever' it explained that even if you made a poor/bad choice you don't have to live with all your life, you have the choice to move the hell on. Now I don't know about the mom and dad's relationship either but I do know that you don't go outside of your marriage to solve problems in your marriage. That goes for men and women. You also don't get up in the pulpit on Sundays and espouse to me how I'm supposed to live my life and you aren't living yours correctly. It wasn't like this happened once, he had a nine year relationship that he acknowledged on the show while married to their mother. I'm sorry I hold people who are supposed to a shepard of God's people to a higher standard as they should be held. So he's a hypocrite, doesn't mean he can't be forgiven but to live like that is hypocritical and if he had been a man he would have either left their mother before he started this affair or stepped away from that woman and just lived with his consequences. I don't give a damn if she was the meanest woman on earth, you don't cheat, you just divorce her. He had free will, he had a choice, he made a bad one and now he suffers for doing that. You reap what you sow, that's biblical too but I'm not sure if he was ever reading the bible. Yes, good people make bad decisions but you don't make bad decisions then pretend like it was a good decision because of the way you felt at the time. Just say it was a bad decision and repent for it. 

The other response is to this tired meme of 'white people do it too'. I'm going to say this once and for all and hopefully I won't be saying it again, I hate to repeat myself. I could give a fuck what white people do too. If white people have issues in their community with men or Pastors cheating on their wives, that's their damn issue to deal with. I'm worried about black people, particularly black women who are suffering in the black community because of all the bad decisions and choices we make thinking we have to stick in there for community's sake. These are some beautiful, successful, talented black women with some scrubs because their mother didn't have the sense to teach them how to make better choices in men. Black people seem to always be so concerned that other black people saying bad things about them is going to get back to 'whitey' and they'll be embarrassed. You know what I'm about to pull a Bill Cosby up in here, black people's business is already in the street embarrassing us, it's on the corner, in the classroom, on the radio we ain't hiding nothing. All our dysfunction is out in the street because we don't exercise the FREE EFFING WILL it takes to make better choices for ourselves and our families. If you like don't this blog, if you think I'm not downing 'whitey' enough, your best bet is not to read it. I'm not looking for fans. 


  1. I often feel this way about my emotions. Well more likely I forget to feel this way. I forget that I can choose to not be a grumpy bitch sometimes. And sometimes, I choose to be a grumpy bitch...But either way, it's a choice.

  2. And that's it, you can choice. It's not always a good choice but it's our choice. And when you realize you have the choice, what I've found is it's given me power. I've become more empowered to change things I find useless about myself. When you blame others and circumstances you take away all your ability for change. And I don't want to ever be incapable of changing, ugh.

  3. The next person that goes with the "White people do it too" crap is getting e-slapped.

    And yes, you always have a choice.

  4. I co-sign Alee. I'm SO SICK of "white people do it too" bull donkey. If white people walked in front of trains, would you do it too? There's lots of things that white people do that black people DON'T do, and vice versa. Never seen a white person eat chitterlings. Never heard of a black person shooting themselves on purpose. Is suicide for white people? Are chit'lins for black people? Does stupidity have a color?

  5. Alee and Christelyn, I'm liking the idea of e-slap and will probably be using it again on some of these simple mofos on the interwebs. Maybe in real life if ppl catch me on the wrong day LOL. I don't understand the obsession with the phrase 'white ppl do it' to explain away the dysfunction in the black community. It's like the worse argument ever and all it is the go-to excuse for the irresponsible and unrepentant. I'm sorry to say that it's an excuse and a poor one and some folks should ban if from their vocabulary.