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Monday, August 8, 2011

Why I am Unmoved, Unimpressed, and Not Threatened by Other Women

When my mother named me Eugenia, she did so because that was my grandmother's name and as a child my mother always told me repeatedly how special and perfect I was. Really, I just believed her, she was mother why would she ever lie to me. As I got older I searched for the meaning of my name as a woman who's taken Latin and Greek etymology classes I wanted to know the meaning. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Eugenia means 'well-born' or 'perfect' so all that time my mother had been calling me perfect as a child it was befitting my name. Since I bore the name 'perfection' it can only mean one thing. I am unmoved, unimpressed, unconcerned and not threatened by other women. I could really care less about what other women are doing or not doing. I read a lot of blogs where women are going on and on about we're always in a competition with other women, how as black women we're somehow so deficient we need to be taking lessons from other sets of women, how women are so jealous of us as black women when they see us dating out, and really those last two statements can't even be true they don't even match. I can't be deficient and on the losing end as a woman but at the same time threatening to other women if I date a man that isn't black. I wrote a blog a week or so ago called 'What You Looking At?' about these really weird encounters I've had on a few occasions where white women were crawling all over their men when they see me and Matt together and how odd I thought it was. Well, I got some of comments about how white women are really threatened by black women and such but really I was not writing to confirm that white women were threatened by me. I was writing it because I was wondering if I was just trippin' or not. I could care less if white women or any other woman is jealous or threatened by me, I don't think they are but if they are that's their problem not mine. I don't want anybody else's man and bitch I'm not going anywhere so you can be threatened for the rest of your life but really I would consider that a waste of my precious time. You know I take people on a case by case basis, it takes time to get to know me and it takes time for me to trust you. I have all kinds of female friends in all shades, the reason I love, respect, and share with those women is because they've proved to be good and loyal friends. Now, if you do something that is bad and disloyal we won't be friends anymore but until then I'm not judging you or a group of women like you on the outer shell. As a black women I hate for people to just assume they know me because of things they've seen on television or heard from other people. Really my name is not Black People, my name is Eugenia and if you want to get to know her you can. There are women in the world better looking than me, more accomplished and there are women worse looking than me and less accomplished. I am not in a competition with any of them, I'm in a competition with me, I'm trying to be the best me that God needs for me to be. I am unique and what I have to offer to this world only I can give it. What I have to offer to the man in my life only I can give him. Now if he's stupid and decides he doesn't want to appreciate it, then he can get to stepping I will not be drying up and dying. But at this point, he appreciates everything I give to him and he thinks I'm the sexiest, most dynamic and smartest woman in the world as it should be. I'm not comparing notes with other women, I don't feel bad about myself or incomplete and all the things about me that are useless I ask God to help me rid myself of those things and people. This is my journey, other women have their own journey, their own man or woman, their own family to be concerned about. I love me enough to know, that no one can give what I give to this world. I don't have to feel inadequate or incomplete when I look at others, they're doing what they need to do for their lives. I've never been a jealous woman, it's a waste. You see people where everything is shiny on the outside while they are falling apart on the inside, we need to watch our jealous streaks because sometimes there really is nothing to be jealous about. So I'm not deficient compared to other women, nor am I threatened by them. My confidence is sufficient enough that I can let someone shine and not feel weird or hateful about it. We all have something different to do, you do yours and I'll do mine. And for those that feel threatened by any woman that  walks in your vicinity I wish you my confidence because that's a sad life you lead.


  1. TBH, the most pertinent thing to me is false advocacy or friendship. I'm reminded of the whole "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer thing."

    A person should be wary of those who say they are concerned about you and your lifestyle choices and who gives advice that is detrimental to you.

    Basically stay away from such persons, regardless of their race or gender. Not everyone who is a woman is your friend and not everyone who is black is your friend.

    Big duh, right?

    As for this whole competitive paranoia, I too kinda could care less. It's obvious how underhanded some people are, but you can't assume every white woman is out to get you. That makes you look petty at the very least and delusional at worse.

    I agree with the "case by case" basis, and by observing the behavior and actions of other people. THAT will go a long way towards side-stepping shady females rather than relying on pre-existing notions.

  2. Toni, that's precisely why I don't care. You have to be careful of everyone and suspicious of everyone. I for one am suspect and until ppl have prove themselves you'll be suspect and I should prove myself to ppl too. Just b/c we're bw don't mean bw have my best interest and just b/c you're non-bw don't mean we should be life long enemies. I don't get receiving confidence from other ppl's perceived hate or jealously that's a weird concept to me and one I don't want to participate in.