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Sunday, April 17, 2011

You Don't Have to Live With Your Mistake Forever

I certainly love being a woman, it's a spectacular adventure. We have some personality qualities that are certainly needed in this harsh world. Our caring, sensitive nature is to be admired but sometimes we can take things a little too far. I did a blog awhile back on being a people-pleaser, It's Not Easy Being Pleasing which can leave you just dry with nothing to give and today I wanted to talk about our mistakes. Like most of you, I've made mistakes nothing I waste my life regretting but certainly something I wish had made a wiser decision regarding but then again if I had I wouldn't have learned a much needed lesson. One of the things about making a mistake and the most important aspect is learning from it. I've learned from my mistakes, some of those lessons were hard but the best part is I found strength and resiliency I didn't know I had while going through it.

But here's something that most women may not realize or think that they shouldn't do because really as women we are trained to be self-sacrificing, so the majority of us come into relationships many times giving way more than we'll ever receive. But the point is you don't have to live with that mistake forever. I know it sounds simple but when you look around at other people, especially other women you know notice how many of them are living with their mistake, no matter what that may be. It may be a husband, boyfriend, job, or friends they've decided to be nice and congenial and just live with the mistake. As women we sacrifice life, happiness, health (mental and physical) not to make people mad, to just stick it out because we think the situation can be saved although no one but us in the saving business, we don't want to quit, we think other people will think poorly of us if we move on with our lives. When I left my marriage one of the things told to me by someone was since I was Christian I shouldn't get a divorce. First and foremost, thank God that I actually know God on a personal basis so I knew that was crap, God never meant for me to emotionally abused and close to losing my mind to honor Him. Thank God, I didn't believe that lie. God is not meaning for your life to be an ongoing struggle with someone who doesn't do anything He requires of a excellent man or husband. I'd made a mistake, I'd used my judgment and married a person not meant for me. It was bad judgment but the one thing I did know was God did not mean for me to forever live with this mistake and miserable and crazy.

You can admit the mistake, rectify and start again it's never too late to make your life better, happier, more productive, less stressful, and more full and loving. It can be done and it's a wonderful thing when it is done. I'm not talking about being selfish, selfish is when you keep yourself, someone else, your kids in a terrible situation. When you take care yourself, you're better to equipped to take care of others when you love yourself enough to give yourself permission to live a good life. You can give more, because you have something to give. Now that I've moved on from a bad relationship, everything is better and I do mean so much better. I can give more to everyone without sacrificing the best parts of me but the best part is when I give now I get so much in return so I'm never lacking, when I give, I get more than I ever gave that's the way to give. Giving is not supposed to leave you with nothing and dry, giving is supposed to replenish you so you can keep giving. But do me a favor if you're giving yourself, the best parts of you as a woman to a mistake just stop it. Once time is gone it never returns, you'll never get that time back and if your conscious is nagging you it's God trying to tell you that you can turn this thing around and get on the road to a joyful life.


  1. Great post! Man, I really need to send this post to a couple people right now. So many people use God (or even "the children") as an excuse to stay in a crappy, sometimes dangerous, relationships. It's like they really don't know Him, because he would never want us to be in an unhappy or unsafe situation no matter what.

  2. Excellent post!
    I was discussing w/ my therapist last week about why I was feeling so exhausted and lost my passion for any and everything. My therapist told me that I was pumping out too much generosity to toxic & selfish friends & fam and not being replinshed in a good way. Black women espcially need to stop this.
    Thank you for this Fleming Star.


  3. @Afromorena I have no idea why people always want to throw God in the middle of their mess, if it's a mess there's no God in it. God is not confusion and drama.

    @Mobile68, you're welcome. I'm always glad when I can bless or confirm a word for someone. No you don't have to give yourself to people who aren't giving back, if everyone is always taking and never giving, that's not a healthy relationship it's just using. I know we hate to think like that about family but they do it too. You don't have to take it just because you're related.