The Next Generation of Single Girls

I have two teenage nieces, in fact, I have six nieces two in their early twenties, two teens, and two toddlers. But the two teenagers are so interesting. They are a constant source of wonder, frustration and hilarity to me. They make me remember what it was like to be a teenager, trying to find your way in this weird world. They are the opposite of one another in so many ways, the 14 year old, M is just a practical mama, a minature adult almost with some of the best negotiation skills I've seen in my life. Really they should send this kid to the Mid East she'd straighten it out in a day. She has no time for silliness or useless things but she's got the tastes of Paris Hilton on a shoestring budget. The 13 year old, J, is just an ditz, all around bubble head but I adore her open-minded spirit although she eats nothing but things she's sure about. She's a bookworm, smart, innocent, with her own unique style and she plays the upright bass. They are both very smart and I'm extremely proud of them.

They don't live in my city, respectively M is from California, Bay Area, and J is now living in Houston with my sister in law although she was born here in Seattle. She's a Seattle kid and not liking Texas very much.

They are currently visiting my family here for the holidays. We were riding the other day doing last minute shopping for the holidays and it was them, my mother and my best friend. We were talking about the girls being adaptable young women and that it was vital for them to know how to adapt to different situations that as they get ready to go to college and get out in the world and maybe work globally they needed to know how to be comfortable and make others comfortable in any situation. They also needed to know how to do it graciously, as young black women the expectations are not high for them in the U.S. Black women are not highly regarded and a lot of that is our own fault but I wanted them to know that they don't have to succumb to that image, they can and should strive to be different. They started to tell me about school and preparing for college, checking them out, getting ready to take PSATs and SATs so they could start applying for a good school. I welled with pride, I'm not their mom but I do know I try my best to be a good influence and speak positivity into their lives. I want the image they have of themselves to be healthy and sane so they don't end up falling for the okey doke with some boy when he smiles nice or talks sweet to either of them. Those girls are my girls and I want them afforded every opportunity. I want them to travel the world and see all it has to offer. I want them to know that they do not have to settle when it comes to a future mate, that they are beautiful, brillant black women whom anyone would be lucky to call a friend or family or future wife. J has declared that she sees herself with a white man, I love that these kids aren't stuck with the hang ups many black women have when it comes to dating across the color lines. That's my girl. M has a thing for Brad Pitt, who doesn't? LOL. But whoever they choose I want them to know that they can choose anyone and are worthy of being respected as long as they are respectable. They can exasperate me sometimes but I'm proud to call them my nieces.

O.M.G. Real Housewives of Atlanta is Back

Someone say 'hallelujah'! Because one of my favorite Housewives franchises is back on Bravo!, Atlanta. Now I love me some 'New York' particularly because of the ongoing drama between Bethany and that psycho Kelly. But Atlanta is in a class by itself, this week it premiered and yes this season is going to be good. Let's be honest no one would even watch that show if it weren't for Nene, she could do a show by herself. She is larger than life, literally and figuratively LOL. And of course, this season she came dragging the drama. The big issue her moment, her husband borrowing money from Dwight, now she and Dwight aren't speaking. Wonder how long that is going to last? Also she and Ms. Tardy for the Party, Kim herself, are now the best of friends after she choked her. Man, these chicks are about as deep as a mud puddle. I don't know what keeps me coming back, I guess I like looking a train wrecks, it's gross and disgusting but I can't pull my eyes away from it. Am I contributing to downfall of American civilization? Oh well, if so, I'll go out laughing my ass off.
The other housewife that looks like there may be much interest in is Phaedra, the powerhouse Atlanta attorney, whose married to a man that just spent six years in prison for racketeering. She said he's just like Martha Stewart, I say hell to the naw he's not. Martha Stewart is a white woman with some power even in prison, he's just some anonymous black dude, that probably got indicted for racketeering charges because of drugs. Yea, I know what racketeering means, I ain't stupid. I do find it insanely stupid for a successful black woman to attach herself to a man that's not even her equal in any form or fashion. Are we that damn desperate to be down with the brothers, geez whiz.
So, we'll see what happens. On the previews it looks like Nene and Kim will once again be taking it to the Thunderdome, I cannot wait. Oh, I'm so bad.

My Solutions Re No Wedding, No Womb

I'm no psychologist, no politician, not even that great of an organizer of people of like mind. But I wanted to write and down and share some of my solutions when it comes to 70% fatherless rate in the black community. Christelyn Karazin introduced this movement last week, it premiered on the internet at the http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/ website. Although I may differ with some of the 100+ or so bloggers there on how we got here, I do agree that now that we are here something needs to be done. As I look at my beautiful family, my gorgeous teenaged nieces and handsome young adult nephews I begin to see where the solutions begins. It begins with them, no government, no program, no one can step in for a healthy family system. Those kids all belong to two parents, some still married, some divorced but involved in their upbringing. They belong to me, I don't have kids of my own so I see them as mine and we raise them in the real sense of the village. When people started using that saying, 'it takes a village to raise a child' I think they misunderstood it. In this global world, no one cares for the kids in my family more than my family does, no one ever will. As a child myself, after the death of my father it was my family that kept me and my 3 brothers in line. My mother didn't unduly burden my family with our care and upbringing but boy if my grandfather or grandmother saw me doing something wrong, they were on my ass which meant later own my mom would be too.

My nephews went to high school around the corner from my house and I always warned them that if I saw them in the day walking the street when they should have been in school, I would take my car jump the curb and run them over and then get out to kick their butts. It seems a little extreme but it worked those boys never knew where to expect us so they stayed in school, got good grades in AP and now they are in college. They are ALL in college or on their way (not one being a baby daddy another expectation), there is no other expectation in my family, you will go to college, that's it. So it starts with expectations, if you expect things from children they usually follow through they want to make you proud. If you expect nothing, that's usually what you get, nothing.

I'll be mentoring soon, I can't mentor every lost black child. I can't even mentor some but I have some wisdom I'd like to pass on. I have a friend who's 26 years old and I mentor her, she's now a single mom with a dad who has decided that being jackass to her supersedes being a father to his child. They were married and now divorced, we speak alot about learning a lesson from the choices she made with him so she can make a better choice in men she will seek to share her life with later.

I don't care if people think I'm bougie or middle-class out of touch. I'm very much in touch with seeing the results of not picking wisely in a mate or bed-mate. I think of this as a grass roots effort, I have no interest in condoning an after-school program or another community center for black children who are suffering. That only seems like a way for people to glad hand each other for doing nothing of any real substance. I let my nieces and nephews know how proud I am of them, I encourage them, I give them warnings especially my girls they are young and impressionable and at the age that some boy or man (ugh!) will try to convince them that if they just give up their precious bodies he'll love them forever.

I'm a friend of women younger than me about what it really means when guys try to pull the okey-doke with you. I'm almost forty, I've seen and been through enough that I have some wisdom to share and for those that want to listen I'll share it. I'm not concerned with those that think I'm judging, if you don't do something about your own trifling life your legacy will surely judge you more than I ever could. I got a couple of people I'll can start with and if I pass on my wisdom to them, they'll pass it on to their children and their friends. Not everyone will listen to what I have to say but some will and in this fight I truly believe just saving one more black young man or woman from becoming a baby daddy or baby mama is a success.

I Cannot Defend or Condone Foolishness

I don't blog here regularly, not as much as I'd like but sometimes I have things to say that I'd like the world to possibly see and this is one of those times. A person whose blog I regularly read and comment on started a movement yesterday, No Wedding, No Womb. I think it's great and I should have participated but being the lazy person I am and having a kind of busy life I didn't. I wouldn't call myself jumping on the bandwagon but I wanted to comment on some Twitter tweets she's been getting regaring this movement. You can read the articles on http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/ they are compelling and timely. They come from many different sides of the issue but they all want the same thing for out of wedlock rate of pregnancy in the black community to cease, it's at a 70% rate currently which is shameful.

You know as a woman of principle I cannot stand behind and defend or condone foolishness. And the tweets to the person who's started this movement, Christelyn Karazin, have been more than ridiculous, they should be down right criminal. How anyone could defend birthing a child into this world without two parents in stable and loving household (and I don't care if they are hetero and homo-sexual) is just shameful. Children deserve a chance and a good one and having a two parent home with loving parents is a good way to do it. Anyone thinking of laying down with someone else needs to think about that and take precautions if need be. But I also want to say that defending single-parent homes as if it's some kind of viable choice is tantamount to telling people to play Russian roulette with your child's future and you're own life because it's suicide. I know sometimes people make mistakes and those should be forgiven but after one child OOW you shouldn't be having two because at that point it's not a mistake, it's a life choice.

WTF is wrong with people

You know I don't usually vent on this blog but today I have to. What the hell is wrong with people on the internet? As much as I like being on here and commenting on things, this is not my life. I have a real life, where I have real friends, a real job, a real family and real responsibilities. This is just a spot to hang out for a minute and mess around. I don't take anything that I do on the internet with social sites seriously. It may effect me for a moment but mostly I just move on. But I wonder what is wrong with people who get all jacked-up because some stranger said something they didn't like, really, really though. Are you so insecure in yourself that every non-descript person that comes across you has some power in your life? Personally to that, I say, get a life. I am so sick of coddling grown people and it's getting old. This is just one very small part of my life, so no one's opinion on this world wide web matters to me. Yea, I'm sarcastic which may seem mean to some but if you can't stand the heat with me get out of the kitchen because really I have something to say about things I know about. I don't say anything about things I have idea about, it just makes you look dumb. So if you're so damn sensitive that everything people say to you, you're gasping, swooning and clutching your pearls maybe internet social sites aren't for you. I don't particularly want everyone to like me and don't care if they do. I don't strive to please everyone because that never works. The truth is if you spend your life trying to make everyone like you, you have no principles and I have principles.

Oh Goodness, I'm Getting Married!

Yes, after meeting a wonderful man about a year ago he got on one knee under the beautiful stars in Puerto Vallarta and asked me to marry him. I am in awe. I never thought I'd ever be married again, it never occurred to me to think it could happen. When my marriage ended, I just figured I'd be lucky if I got a long-term relationship and lived close to to the guy. Last July, I met him, Matt, a quiet, sweet, gentle, funny, romantic man's man. He was everything that I wanted in a man and figured didn't exist but it does. All I can say is I'm blessed, we're blessed to be a part of each other's lives. So, now we start another adventure as a married couple although that will be a little while, we're having a long engagement. This will be my first wedding that I've actually planned and I'm excited that my family, his family and our friends get to enjoy our special day. I know I'm bragging but that's okay I deserve it. It's been a long time coming.

Letting the Crap Go: The Orgasm Edition

I've decided to do a bunch of threads on what I like to call 'letting the crap go' as AA women and women of color most us have been completely programmed by our parents, the community, and the church that not ony is sex bad, it's just sometimes evil. Now, I am a Christian but I know sex was created by God and surprisingly if you read the bible especially Song of Solomon or Song of Songs, it's been created not only for pro-creation but for your pleasure. For some reason black women have two sexual reputations, either we're the freakiest of freaks or totally frigid. Surprisingly most of the black women I know are sexually conservative, myself not included, because their mama said 'good girls don't do this' and 'fast girls do that'. At last, black women are taking back our sexuality and I'm so happy I got mine back. I have overcome some of my own 'sex demons' from childhood. I'm grown and sexy. Now my mom was really open about sex but there were parts I had to be comfortable enough with myself to go for.

That's how we get to the infamous 'O' boy if I have heard it once I've heard it a million times, poor women who have never experienced an orgasm and I just shake my head. I feel bad for the, because there is just nothing like the good ol' 'O' it is not just good, it's freaking awesome. But I don't think a lot of women know that the big 'O' is accomplished via them. Men can help and should help out alot but they can't do it all and the best part is you don't even need a man to get one. I'm so glad I figured it out and just did it. One of the best things I ever discovered is the vibrator, specifically the clit stimulator, what an incredible piece of plastic, best thing since sliced bread.

Ahhh the big 'O', if you find something you think is better you're just not doing it right.

Romance Slam Jam African-American Romance Reader survey

I'm passing along this information as favor, please respond and pass it along.

"Readers of African-American romance don't read romantic suspense, paranormal romances or romance with science fiction elements. Readers of African American romance don't read many books. Readers of African American romance don't buy books.

Do you disagree with any or all of these statements? If so, please help us spread the truth.

The Romance Slam Jam organization is distributing its first-ever Readers of African American Romance Survey. Too often, the publishing industry provides only anecdotes or theories regarding who we are; where we are; what we want; and whether we have the numbers to support a wide variety of literary genres. It's time we spoke for ourselves.

The link below will launch our survey. Please take a few moments to complete it to the best of your ability. Then, once you've submitted your responses, please tell a friend - or two - to stop by and help us get the word out about the readers of African American romance. The survey ends July 31, 2010. Once the survey results are tabulated, we will post the results to the Romance Slam Jam Web site and distribute a press release summarizing the survey to key contacts in the publishing industry and the media.

Thank you in advance for your assistance in spreading the word about readers of African American romance.

Here's the link to the online survey: http://www.romanceslamjam.org/survey/
Please feel free to spread the survey.

Dee
Romance Slam Jam Conference
THE place for readers and authors of Black romance novels
http://www.romances lamjamconference .com/"

Our Love/Hate Relationship with Our Hair

I like many other African American women have a love/hate relationship with my hair surprisingly or maybe not it's more love than hate. I have some thick hair that's black, which most people don't have. But I know amongst black women it's almost war sometimes with their hair and regarding their hair. Should it be natural or relaxed? Should it be a weave or my hair? I think we also sometimes make too much of an poltical issue of our hair instead of doing whatever we like and is easiest for us. My hair is my own and whatever I do with is not a political statement for me and if it is the statement is 'I'm independent' which is my political leanings anyway. My hair is relaxed and short but I like easy hair so this is easy for me and it looks good. I take good care of my hair and I believe that 'good hair is healthy hair' so I keep it healthy. Hey, if I decide one day to cut it all off that's my business or if I decide to buy some hair, attach it and having it hanging to my butt that's my business too. My love/hate relationship with my hair is my own, we're going to be together for a long time so only we have to get along.

Thank you for a Friend

I have to give a big thanks to an internet friend. She's someone I met a few months ago on a group on Goodreads, she's awesome, she's young and brillant and positive. It's sometimes hard when you're a little more mature (ehem! LOL) but you get a little jaded. I know I got a little jaded but this person told me something to do and I don't regret that I took her advice. In so many words, she told me to stop, calm down, and just live. So I did first I calmed down and decided to live in the moment and enjoy my life. And I didn't regret it. I hate to bliss and tell, LOL. Personally I think that may have done poor Sandra Bullock's marriage in. But I'm happy not just with me but with my partner. He's a wonderful, sweet, sensitive, funny, and intelligent man. He's shown me what it means to be loved and appreciated for who you are. Everyday is an adventure but best of all, everyday is fun and he's so dang calm, he's actually calmed by spirit. So thank you to my friend Maya, I owe this happiness I currently have to something you told me a few months ago. And I don't want to not acknowledge you, you deserve it.

Book Review

Goodreads Eugenia Mitchell (blk_dahlia) (Seattle, WA)'s review of Messalina: Devourer of Men: "I want to first thank Zetta Brown for writing an interesting, smart, real, complex erotic story. Your book is what I really wish more erotica would be, maybe then it would get more respect as a genre. I wasn't just put on some sexual ride, with a thin story inserted in every couple of pages with a paragraph or two to make it a book instead of porno. Although I have nothing against pornography. LOL.

Jared and Eva had a love story with some really great sex thrown in. It was an exploration for both of them into painful past, asserting themselves as adults, stopping trying to make others happy and doing things out of habit. I loved the story and the powerful sexual content just was icing on the cake. She took it there with grown folks who loved sex and weren't afraid to say it or express it one another. It's sometimes hard for me to believe in romance that a person who loves someone isn't always trying to get it on with them, sex is an expression of love. I love the story of Eva and her blossoming as to a woman who lived and loved for herself.

You know as I read this book, I kept thinking this woman has been peeping on my life. I also had to break out from under my own false image I was living to be an adult and if other adults don't like it or if family questions it, it's there problem not mine. Eva found she could respect who she really was and still respect her family. It's not impossible. I loved it from beginning to end, it was powerful, that's the only way I could describe it. She wrote a real woman and man in love and the complications that come with that as we try to find out how we do the right thing for ourselves and living our lives and taking risks that in the end work out.

I loved it. I cannot wait for Ms. Brown's next book."

Now, what happens?

Now, that I am in a relationship and no longer dating, what now? I am in love with a wonderful man and if you want to know who I choose to date it was guy who was 3 years younger than me instead of the 23 year old. We have things in common and he's a sweet, generous, intelligent, fun man. 360 degree difference between him and my ex-husband. I'm a little surprised that we found each other, I was shocked that men like him still existed. Now isn't that a sad state of affairs, but he is wonderful. But it's not like he's perfect but then again neither am I. As the Grace Jones song says 'I'm Not Perfect, but I'm Perfect for You'. We are getting to know each other and taking the time to do so. Now we have birthdays one day apart, which was just strange but we are very similar to each other. I used to think 'opposites attract' but believe me that's a lie, 'opposites fight and make each other miserable'. LOL.
Now, what I'm doing is living in the moment. Which I must say I have not always been at ease doing. I'm usually in planning mode with my life but I have come to discover in my old age, when I plan, God laughs. So I live each day anew. Now, for all of the ladies still out there. I can still impart some of my hard fought wisdom, LOL. No not really, I know just about as much as any woman knows who's been on this earth for awhile and dated a couple of dudes. Although some of my stories are hilarious. Now, I can tell them but the names have been changed to protect the guilty, the innocent got what they needed, innocence.