It's Sad But I've Got to Go

...to another blog site. I've loved blogging on blogger but it's time to take this blogging thing to the next level so Single Girl in a Weird World is turning into Married Girl in a Weird World on Wordpress. I'm so excited about the move and the changes that are upcoming in my life including my marriage and my name change. So come on over there, nothing but the name and the web address is changing. I'm still gonna be the crazy wild and contemplative me. See you guys there!

Why I Love That Man!

Last week was my bachelorette party with some of my female family and friends. I so enjoyed it, so much I paid for a little. But we had a good time ogling some Chippendales dancers at the Tulalip Casino, screaming our heads off, and two-fisting vodka drinks. It was awesome. As the time draws near for our wedding, I think a lot about Matt as my future husband and how absolutely thrilled and over the moon I am about it. You may not realize but I'm practical romantic, although I adore romance and do it well I'm also really practical so in my blog post Marriage is Excellent for Practical Reasons Too I tell some of the practical reasons I'm marrying this man. But there are other more emotional and personal reasons I love him and am excited about being his wife and he my husband.

Matt, really is the perfect man for me. He was born the day after me so our personalities are quite similar but there are things that he possesses that just make me love him like the dickens. I'm not the calm type, in fact, I can be very tempremental when I want to be but he's got such an easy-going mellow personality, it calms when I'm in a dither. Which is more than I'm willing to admit. We are alike in many ways, we both like sleep and lots of it. We both like to chill and lots of it. I like to travel more than him but he's more open to new experiences than me. He is compassionate, sweet, sexy, surprisingly wickedly funny, nice to strangers and babies, really talkative and very quiet and contemplative sometimes, smart as a damn whip, concerned, a family man, generous to a fault, accommodating, gentle but strong, he is a man's man in the most gentle way and he's my man. He loves everything about me, my sense of humor, my passion, my ever working mind, my bubble butt, my smile, and my round tummy. He thinks I'm perfection and says it often. I think he's perfection and I say it often. God gave him as a gift and I try never to forget that, Matt is a gift and I try my best to treat him as such. He gives so much to me, I sometimes think I'm not giving enough but he always thinks I'm doing too much. You certainly can't out-give God but Matt and I try to out-give one another. What I've found is the more I give, the more he gives, giving to him never dries me out it just replenishes my love.

The first thing I noticed about him when we met were his eyes, they were an odd shade of blue and a little mesmerizing. I had to frequently look away because I felt like he was going to hypnotize me. Then his hands, I know it's weird but he has the biggest hands I've ever seen on a man, they're like baseball mitts. When he makes a fist it's about the size of a small cantaloupe. He doesn't get mad often but when he does I usually know to stop whatever I'm doing, it's not a good thing. He's never touched or harmed me and never would but seeing him angry makes me sad. I don't want him to be angry or sad, he's such a wonderful person he doesn't deserve that. I can't stay mad at him for more than 2 minutes, he gives me those puppy dog eyes and I'm done for and I can usually stay mad a long time. But he's never malicious, maybe sometimes he didn't think but it's never done out of harm to me. I love him too death. I don't know what I'd do if he wasn't in my life, I don't really like the thought. I've been married before and it was a tough marriage but I find the idea of marrying Matt so natural, so comfortable, not rushed, not pushed, like this what is supposed to happen. I'm not anxious about him or this marriage, I'm unbelievably excited. I could care less about the wedding, I'm just ready to be married to him, I'm just ready to be his wife. I don't know what people think when they see this tall, big white man and this slightly smaller black woman together. I hope they think, 'gosh, they look so in love, they look so happy together'. But if they don't, it's okay. We know we're in love, we know we're happy together and that is the only thing that matters at this or any other moment. Love you, Mattie!

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-The Responsible Ones

Responsibility is so sexy, especially responsible men. I don't know what it is but when I see a sexy man pushing a stroller, carrying their baby, taking care of their wives, honoring her, eww whee it's so sexy to me. The stink of responsibility on a man is just enough to lay me out. You know I certainly don't condone women trying to step in the middle of a man's relationship but I could see why they'd be tempted. It's the responsible ones, the ones that are committed to home and hearth that are just extra uber sexy. I'll give you my top five, sexy responsible men today.

Ben Affleck, today is his birthday. Happy Birthday Ben but I know he feels like the luckiest man in the world because he has a beautiful wife and family he simply adores. Oh it's sweet and sexy.

Yea Brad Pitt, I know him and Angelina aren't married but in Hollyweird you can roll like that but the fact that the man took on a woman with  three adopted children that he adopted as his own. They've had three children together and he is as committed as ever to her and them kids. I am astonished by him. No, I don't think he cheated on Jennifer, I think he wanted a family and she wanted her figure. So he went for his own happiness and got it. Lucky Angelina and lucky kids!

Oh man, I love Kurt Russell so much this man has been with Goldie Hawn, good lord umpteen years and they look so happy and content. He helped raise her children and they have a beautiful family. What can I say, the man is a hot grandpa. What's up? I said it. 

Hugh, oh Hugh, oh Hugh, oh Hugh. His hotness and responsibility are enough to make you cream your pants. His wife is the luckiest woman on earth by far. This man is so fine it makes no sense, he's devoted to her you can see it in his eyes when he looks at her. He's a hands-on Dad, he's adopted children, he sings, he dances and plays Wolverine. Yes, he's a renaissance man. He really is male perfection. Really...he is.

Ah Big Willie, Will Smith. I've always loved Will Smith and he and Jada Pinkett-Smith (who I love too) are just a super couple. He was married previously and had a son, which they both are so proud of. He came up to Seattle to watch his oldest son play in a football game a few years back. No one knew he was here then it was on the radio. People didn't really wound him for autographs at the game, I hear because they knew he was there for his son. They are both committed parents to those kids and committed to each other. The love, fun, camaraderie, gentleness, and peace you see between them is something to behold. 

Okay, so I picked six. But I can't say enough about Tom Hanks. He really is the boy next door, the ultimate lover/Dad. Like you could see him being really passionate during the night with this wife and waking up to make the kids pancakes in the morning. Oh I love him, I love him, I adore Tom Hanks. 

Do Not Interracially Date Someone that Hates

I cannot give this warning strong enough to black women who are or have decided to open up your options in dating. I cannot give this warning strong enough to any non-black man that has decided to date black women. DO NOT and I repeat do not waste any of your precious time dating a person that hates the people of the opposite sex in their own racial category or the folks of the same sex in yours. What that means in clear English is if you date a white man and he hates white women or black men don't date him. He's got issues and problems and probably hates all women. That's dangerous for women. If you're a Latino man and you date a black woman and she hates black men or Latino women, run, don't walk for the door. I don't care what anyone says, you may not have a preference for certain people in dating and mating but the pure hate thing is just weird and a red flag that this person is either trying to get back at the men and women of their race and you're being used, dumb ass. I really liked the fact that Matt didn't have some seething hatred for white women or black men while I may not want to date black men, I'm not on the hater-ade wagon. Really as I've said before I really could care less what black men are or are not doing and with whom. I regularly read and peruse some BWE and BWIR blogs and lately have seen more and more black women commenting who seem so bitter towards black men and white women in particular. As usual, things I would never do I don't understand why other people do nor do I care to understand. I am not trying to drag bitter baggage into a relationship, no one wants that. I've also come across white men who were really hating on white women and I was like 'no thank you, I'm not trying to participate in your bitter party'.  Really folks need to work out those issues before they even hang out with the rest of humanity. No one wants to be someone's second choice because they're mad at Jerome or Becky. Also no man is going to take me out like a show pony to make random women who have rejected him mad. I refuse to be used in such a disgusting manner. Now some people are okay with those of kinds of games but I'm a grown ass woman and I'm not going there, EVER. So if you meet these people and notice their conversation seems to revolve around how black men aren't this or white women aren't that, you tell them to 'strap that to their ass and get to walking' LOL. This public service announcement brought to you by Eugenia, Long-Time Swirler.

Why I am Unmoved, Unimpressed, and Not Threatened by Other Women

When my mother named me Eugenia, she did so because that was my grandmother's name and as a child my mother always told me repeatedly how special and perfect I was. Really, I just believed her, she was mother why would she ever lie to me. As I got older I searched for the meaning of my name as a woman who's taken Latin and Greek etymology classes I wanted to know the meaning. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Eugenia means 'well-born' or 'perfect' so all that time my mother had been calling me perfect as a child it was befitting my name. Since I bore the name 'perfection' it can only mean one thing. I am unmoved, unimpressed, unconcerned and not threatened by other women. I could really care less about what other women are doing or not doing. I read a lot of blogs where women are going on and on about we're always in a competition with other women, how as black women we're somehow so deficient we need to be taking lessons from other sets of women, how women are so jealous of us as black women when they see us dating out, and really those last two statements can't even be true they don't even match. I can't be deficient and on the losing end as a woman but at the same time threatening to other women if I date a man that isn't black. I wrote a blog a week or so ago called 'What You Looking At?' about these really weird encounters I've had on a few occasions where white women were crawling all over their men when they see me and Matt together and how odd I thought it was. Well, I got some of comments about how white women are really threatened by black women and such but really I was not writing to confirm that white women were threatened by me. I was writing it because I was wondering if I was just trippin' or not. I could care less if white women or any other woman is jealous or threatened by me, I don't think they are but if they are that's their problem not mine. I don't want anybody else's man and bitch I'm not going anywhere so you can be threatened for the rest of your life but really I would consider that a waste of my precious time. You know I take people on a case by case basis, it takes time to get to know me and it takes time for me to trust you. I have all kinds of female friends in all shades, the reason I love, respect, and share with those women is because they've proved to be good and loyal friends. Now, if you do something that is bad and disloyal we won't be friends anymore but until then I'm not judging you or a group of women like you on the outer shell. As a black women I hate for people to just assume they know me because of things they've seen on television or heard from other people. Really my name is not Black People, my name is Eugenia and if you want to get to know her you can. There are women in the world better looking than me, more accomplished and there are women worse looking than me and less accomplished. I am not in a competition with any of them, I'm in a competition with me, I'm trying to be the best me that God needs for me to be. I am unique and what I have to offer to this world only I can give it. What I have to offer to the man in my life only I can give him. Now if he's stupid and decides he doesn't want to appreciate it, then he can get to stepping I will not be drying up and dying. But at this point, he appreciates everything I give to him and he thinks I'm the sexiest, most dynamic and smartest woman in the world as it should be. I'm not comparing notes with other women, I don't feel bad about myself or incomplete and all the things about me that are useless I ask God to help me rid myself of those things and people. This is my journey, other women have their own journey, their own man or woman, their own family to be concerned about. I love me enough to know, that no one can give what I give to this world. I don't have to feel inadequate or incomplete when I look at others, they're doing what they need to do for their lives. I've never been a jealous woman, it's a waste. You see people where everything is shiny on the outside while they are falling apart on the inside, we need to watch our jealous streaks because sometimes there really is nothing to be jealous about. So I'm not deficient compared to other women, nor am I threatened by them. My confidence is sufficient enough that I can let someone shine and not feel weird or hateful about it. We all have something different to do, you do yours and I'll do mine. And for those that feel threatened by any woman that  walks in your vicinity I wish you my confidence because that's a sad life you lead.

I'm Sorry to Tell You This, But the Choice is Yours

I really hate giving people bad news but I guess I have to be the bearer, yes you ALWAYS and I do mean ALWAYS have a choice. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head and even then you have choice or you bound and gagged, you have a choice in everything that goes on in your life. I get so sick and tired of the old meme of 'I didn't have a choice, I had to do it' that's bullshit and I'm calling complete shenanigans on that right now. I received this comment today regarding the 'Braxton Family Values' Teaches Black Women a Valuable Lesson' blog I did in June.

Anonymous said: It is a sad situation. Playing devil's advocate. we do not know the full view of the mother and father's relationship. What if they had a great relationship and it just changed down the road. Some good people make bad decisions. Who is to say the mother was the perfect wife. Again not excusing the father's behavior. Television does not provide the whole story.

Also bad relationships happens in every race and not just in the black community. Just speaking from experience. Great article. 

I don't know who it's from but I have my guesses. If it's a man, it's typical. If it's a woman, it's just sad. This post is about choice but I thought after I received this comment that it would be apropos to use it in this blog post. Because choice is such a integral thing in human beings, even the worse most oppressive conditions known to man some people still made the choice to go against that oppression even under the threat of death. That's the power of choice. No matter where you are in this world, what plight you live in or under, you can make a choice to go against it. Now that may mean you endanger yourself or your family but you still have that choice.  In one of my favorite songs by the band, Rush called 'Freewill' there's this pivotal line. 

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. 

That's deep, that's the power free will, we all have it whether people are willing to let you use it or not. You still have free will, it doesn't go away with a situation. It goes away when you choose not to exercise it. 

This leads to me responding to the above post. All the sisters in the Braxton household are exercising their choice, a bad one but it's still a choice. In another blog posts I wrote called 'You Don't Have to Live with Your Mistake Forever' it explained that even if you made a poor/bad choice you don't have to live with all your life, you have the choice to move the hell on. Now I don't know about the mom and dad's relationship either but I do know that you don't go outside of your marriage to solve problems in your marriage. That goes for men and women. You also don't get up in the pulpit on Sundays and espouse to me how I'm supposed to live my life and you aren't living yours correctly. It wasn't like this happened once, he had a nine year relationship that he acknowledged on the show while married to their mother. I'm sorry I hold people who are supposed to a shepard of God's people to a higher standard as they should be held. So he's a hypocrite, doesn't mean he can't be forgiven but to live like that is hypocritical and if he had been a man he would have either left their mother before he started this affair or stepped away from that woman and just lived with his consequences. I don't give a damn if she was the meanest woman on earth, you don't cheat, you just divorce her. He had free will, he had a choice, he made a bad one and now he suffers for doing that. You reap what you sow, that's biblical too but I'm not sure if he was ever reading the bible. Yes, good people make bad decisions but you don't make bad decisions then pretend like it was a good decision because of the way you felt at the time. Just say it was a bad decision and repent for it. 

The other response is to this tired meme of 'white people do it too'. I'm going to say this once and for all and hopefully I won't be saying it again, I hate to repeat myself. I could give a fuck what white people do too. If white people have issues in their community with men or Pastors cheating on their wives, that's their damn issue to deal with. I'm worried about black people, particularly black women who are suffering in the black community because of all the bad decisions and choices we make thinking we have to stick in there for community's sake. These are some beautiful, successful, talented black women with some scrubs because their mother didn't have the sense to teach them how to make better choices in men. Black people seem to always be so concerned that other black people saying bad things about them is going to get back to 'whitey' and they'll be embarrassed. You know what I'm about to pull a Bill Cosby up in here, black people's business is already in the street embarrassing us, it's on the corner, in the classroom, on the radio we ain't hiding nothing. All our dysfunction is out in the street because we don't exercise the FREE EFFING WILL it takes to make better choices for ourselves and our families. If you like don't this blog, if you think I'm not downing 'whitey' enough, your best bet is not to read it. I'm not looking for fans. 

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Viggo Mortensen

I had been having a hard time lately trying to figure who my 'Lawd Have Mercy' hawtness was going to be. But it came to in an incredible flash of genius, his name has been bandied about the blogs lately and I thought why the hell not. Let's give some love to the hawtness that is Viggo Mortensen. First and foremost, his name is hot. Can you imagine screaming that out during wild bouts of sex with him, yea I'll take that. He just exudes sex and I have yet to see him look non-hot in a movie no matter what he's playing, Aragon in LOTR, Tom Stall in History of Violence, don't lie that was the best sex scene ever and he was so bad ass in that I was love after that movie, Nikolai in Eastern Promises which I haven't seen but I hear he does the full frontal and it's not disappointing, and Lalin in Carlito's Way if you missed him in that he had a small part but memorable. He is g-o-r-geous! Ladies, I cannot lie although the young tenders are nice to look at, I like my men a little more seasoned, a little more lived in, old enough to be sophisticated but young enough to still be a little rough around the edges. Viggo fits that bill perfectly. Here he is, my man and yours, Viggo Mortensen.