Tuesday, May 17, 2011
What's So Wrong With Risk Aversion?
So what is so wrong about being a person who averts risk, sounds smart and careful doesn't it. In many ways it seems like the smart thing to do but I don't think I'd find it smart as much as I find it easy. I love blogs that give wisdom and share stories especially about life and relationships, they're great. Now everything that's said on these blogs does not apply to everyone but the one thing I know about finding love is that you cannot be averse to risk and find it. Possibly giving your heart over to someone is a gigantic risk because you cannot be certain what they may do with it. Now there are certainly predictors that someone may be ready and willing to step all over your heart and drag it through the proverbial mud but even the best of situations things can go awry, people can change, circumstances can change. If you want to love someone you have to take a risk. I see many women on blogs that talk about relationships asking for the 'magic bullet' of finding a man to have a relationship with, how do they do it without risking their feelings or heart, boy I wish I knew the answer to that one I'd be a millionaire. I know some bloggers say this and that, I even say some things, but really there are no guarantees in life and love. I once had someone ask that why I married my ex-husband if I thought we'd get divorced, the answer to that is I didn't think we'd get divorced. I never went into my marriage thinking it had a shelf-life and yes I took a risk on a person that I loved, that risk did not pan out. Do I regret my marriage? Hell no, I learned so much from that time in my life, best of all it taught me I could love someone deeply and that was wonderful. So although our marriage didn't work out, my capacity to love unconditionally did.
I've taken a risk by falling in love and agreeing to marry Matt and people would think that after a marriage that ended in divorce I would be more averse to the risk of marrying again. I think that would be true if I was person who lived on fear but I don't. People who want to avert risk, want to avert any pain that may come with it, may without realizing it also be averting all the rewards that can come with it. I have nothing against doing things the smart way, yes don't date the 'bad boy' and expect that your love will make him good, yes I'd avoid the drug addict or the dude who hasn't had job since Tupac died or the guy who always wants to go dutch all the time. That's not risk aversion that's just not being stupid, there's a difference. But don't sabotage your chance at finding love by trying to 'play it safe' all the time, sometimes you do literally have to step out on faith and see where it goes. You can't stay at home and hope your Mr. Wonderful is going to knock on the door and say 'I love you and need you, please marry me'. You can't sit online all day trying to analyze love to death or trying to write all the notes for the perfect relationship. We can't stick our heads in books, hoping the studly hottie in it comes to life. You have to take the risk to get the reward of love. I read a wonderful blog this week on Beyond, Black, & White one my favorite blogs about two people who feel in love over Facebook. If you think that's odd, read the story and watch the video of two people who took a risk and fell in love and are now getting married it's called Kyra and Jim: A Real Online Love Story. It's a great example of what taking the right risk does. I don't encourage anyone to be dumb, stupid or unsafe but I do encourage you to take the risk and be open to love even if you get your heart broken, it's better than never risking it and never figuring out if you actually have one to break.