Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sometimes...Well All the Time, You Have to Know What You Want
When I met Matt, I knew what I wanted and I was very sure of what I didn't want. Now my list of wants was not long, it was very short but those were things that if the man didn't possess it was deal-breaker and there would be no more dates. I also had what I called my compromise list, those were things that were not important that I could consider a compromise on if other aspects were there. The deal breaker list contained things like, he had to compassionate, not cheap, college-educated, close to his family. The compromise list consisted of things that he may have needed but it didn't need to spectacular, I wanted someone who was financially secure but he didn't have to be rich, he needed to have a car but I didn't need it to be a BMW. Those sorts of things. But for me to find what I wanted or be drawn to what I wanted I had to know what I wanted. I also had to have something to offer.
Now, I'm going to say something that some folks may get mad about but you cannot expect to date/marry a person who has their ish together and you don't it doesn't work like that. If a man who supposedly has himself together wants a women who doesn't, he is either don't have his stuff together or is looking for someone he can rule over and treat badly. There's a reason men play Captain Sav-A-Ho and it ain't good. If you really have something to bring to the table, your own goals and dreams real men are impressed. Even if you marry someone who at some point in your relationship you and he make the decision for you to be a stay at home mom. If you never work again a day in your life, my thought is that a successful man wants to know that you could. That you possess some sort of talent and skill. You, as a woman, who is seeking a life partner need to know what you want from that partnership, which means you need to know who you are. If you don't know you, how do you know what you want? I know some people are put off by doing an almost mock interview when you first date people but why not, there's no way for me to get information if I don't ask for it. And most people love talking so much, they'll tell you things that they don't even know they are telling you. I'll be doing a blog later about how to get information out of people without them actually knowing it. I know it sounds sneaky but really as a paralegal that was big part of my job. So I listen closely to people because much can be revealed in idle conversation. I want for every wonderful woman I know to have someone worthy of them but really you have to know you're worthy for that happen. You have to really think about and I do mean be precise about your desires in a mate and never compromise that, if someone asks you to compromise those desires they are unworthy of you. But I also want to warn women not to be greedy, be realistic about your desires and who people are. My personal motto is you don't throw away a Rolls Royce because it's got a dent in it, no one is perfect and some stuff we just have to live with. So don't waste your time trying to change someone, if you can't work with him how he is, don't work with him at all. I want women to understand that there is someone perfect for them but they have to know what they want before that perfect someone will manifest himself.