Sometimes...Well All the Time, You Have to Know What You Want

I've seen many comments from women on blogs and boards saying they wish they had someone in their life, nothing specific about who the someone should be just that they wish they had 'someone'. I've been told that 'boy, I sure wish I had someone like Matt'. Although I find that a great compliment to the man he is, I'm often baffled as to why anyone would want someone exactly like him. Matt and I are perfect together but Matt certainly isn't perfect and neither am I. Although he's a wonderful guy for me and fits my personality and needs he would probably make a lot of women crazy. When I married my ex-husband I was fairly young mid-twenties and I had absolutely no idea what I wanted in another human being when it came to relationships. A lot of that had to do with me not knowing who I was, if I'd taken some time to get know me better I probably would have made a better choice than him. But I picked him and I take full credit for doing so wholeheartedly. When I picked him it was just because he was pick-able and if I had known more about Eugenia it may have been different. When I hear women say they want to be someone, they'd like to have love in their lives I can certainly understand the feeling but I wonder if most women know what they want.

When I met Matt, I knew what I wanted and I was very sure of what I didn't want. Now my list of wants was not long, it was very short but those were things that if the man didn't possess it was deal-breaker and there would be no more dates. I also had what I called my compromise list, those were things that were not important that I could consider a compromise on if other aspects were there. The deal breaker list contained things like, he had to compassionate, not cheap, college-educated, close to his family. The compromise list consisted of things that he may have needed but it didn't need to spectacular, I wanted someone who was financially secure but he didn't have to be rich, he needed to have a car but I didn't need it to be a BMW. Those sorts of things. But for me to find what I wanted or be drawn to what I wanted I had to know what I wanted. I also had to have something to offer.

Now, I'm going to say something that some folks may get mad about but you cannot expect to date/marry a person who has their ish together and you don't it doesn't work like that. If a man who supposedly has himself together wants a women who doesn't, he is either don't have his stuff together or is looking for someone he can rule over and treat badly. There's a reason men play Captain Sav-A-Ho and it ain't good. If you really have something to bring to the table, your own goals and dreams real men are impressed. Even if you marry someone who at some point in your relationship you and he make the decision for you to be a stay at home mom. If you never work again a day in your life, my thought is that a successful man wants to know that you could. That you possess some sort of talent and skill. You, as a woman, who is seeking a life partner need to know what you want from that partnership, which means you need to know who you are. If you don't know you, how do you know what you want? I know some people are put off by doing an almost mock interview when you first date people but why not, there's no way for me to get information if I don't ask for it. And most people love talking so much, they'll tell you things that they don't even know they are telling you. I'll be doing a blog later about how to get information out of people without them actually knowing it. I know it sounds sneaky but really as a paralegal that was big part of my job. So I listen closely to people because much can be revealed in idle conversation. I want for every wonderful woman I know to have someone worthy of them but really you have to know you're worthy for that happen. You have to really think about and I do mean be precise about your desires in a mate and never compromise that, if someone asks you to compromise those desires they are unworthy of you. But I also want to warn women not to be greedy, be realistic about your desires and who people are. My personal motto is you don't throw away a Rolls Royce because it's got a dent in it, no one is perfect and some stuff we just have to live with. So don't waste your time trying to change someone, if you can't work with him how he is, don't work with him at all. I want women to understand that there is someone perfect for them but they have to know what they want before that perfect someone will manifest himself.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Bradley Cooper

I am enjoying a renewal of my admiration for Mr. Bradley Cooper, last week Matt and I went and saw him in the movie 'Limitless' with another one of the many movie stars I have a huge crush on, Robert DeNiro, who's really aging quite nicely. But back to Bradley, the movie was great and the ending was quite surprising but yes while I watched I eyed the gorgeous Bradley and my mind wandered a little, don't you just love that name it oozes sophistication. He is just so good-looking to me and he looks good whether he's dressed up or dressed down. He's ruggedly sophiscated is what I'd call it. I remember first seeing him in an episode of Law & Order: SVU, yea that's how long my ogling of him has been going on. He was fine in that but when I saw him in 'The Hangover' I was in love and if you've seen it you'd know why. Not many men can make a suit that look that damn good, it was just basic black suit, so he did that suit a favor. As of recently he was dating Renee Zellwegger but I hear they've broken up, which personally I'm glad about. I know this may make me seem like a snob but she's just not that cute to me and he's way better looking than her. On a personal note, I'm sometimes insulted when I see a hot superstar with another starlet that's just not matching his looks, he deserves better looking than that. He had been dating Jennifer Aniston and while she's okay, yea next to him I'm thinking he needs some hotness in his life. Is Kerry Washington available? They'd make a cute couple LOL. So enough of me being an outright hater about who he dates and just let me give you more opportunities to look at him. I told you I like that blonde hair and those blue eyes. Oh, Bradley!

Rest In Peace, Dear Liz

Today while checking some things on my iPhone I happened to see a tweet regarding the death of Elizabeth Taylor at the age of 79. I was stunned, I heard she died of congestive heart failure and had been in the hospital six weeks previous to this. I was saddened, I am huge fan of Elizabeth Taylor and as most of you who read this blog frequently know, I am fan of classic films and boy she made some great ones. I'm looking forward to whatever specials they have on her on TCM in the upcoming days, I know the films they'll be showing with her as a star will be spectacular. My personal favorites being 'National Velvet' and 'A Place in the Sun' with her good friend and absolutely gorgeous heartthrob, Montgomery Clift. She was an immense talent and her beauty was coveted by many women with those mesmerizing violet eyes, she outlasted many of the Hollywood starlets but lead a bit of a tumultous life with her frequent marriages but had a loving spirit and was a fiercely loyal friend. But whatever she did, wherever she was, she was always the one and the only Liz, there will never be another quite like her. You'll be missed, Elizabeth Taylor.

Blog Love-Socialite Dreams

I'm giving some blog love out to my girl, Vonnie at Socialite Dreams love that site. First let me tell you little about why I love it so much. I am almost 40 years old, next month I will turn the big 39 and I'm excited about it. Much has changed and transitioned in my life (I'll be writing more about that soon) but one of the big transitions is that I've decided after not wearing much make-up ever to start spritzing myself up a little bit. Now although I am old, I don't feel old and I don't think I look old but I wanted to achieve something more sophisticated in my look and I thought makeup would do that for me. After checking out Vonnie's blog and then taking a wonderful online tutorials about how to achieve the smoky eye that you saw in my blog post My Attempt at Smoky Eye and a V-Day Gift, hell I just went all in and decided to start making up myself on the regular. Vonnie has challenged me in some old wack-ass makeup rules like no red lipstick, thank you so much for challenging me in that, I bought some beautiful orange-red lip stain with gloss from MAC and I'm rocking it. She's also presented me with a challenge I'll be taking on my birthday to go for and try blue eye shadow. I'll come back with the results of that. She gives wonderful advice on make-up, nail and nail polish, clothes, and perfume and yes she is social. Her site is full of photos of her trying on new make up looks and YouTube makeup tutorials and she lets you in her social life, she recently did a wonderful blog about her night on the town attending the Janet Jackson concert. She is a gorgeous young woman with the best smile and fire in her eyes. She did a whole month of re-creating makeup looks for famous black women during Black History month in February, I personally loved Diana Ross day. She is fantastic and you should check her out. She got me out my rut and although I'm doing up my eyes most days I'm still trying to get my cheeks right but don't worry, I'll be checking in on Vonnie with that one too. I love you, Socialite Dreams, you made my dream of being a sophisticated women who's almost in her forties come true.

It's Not Easy Being Pleasing

Wanting to make people happy is a wonderful thing when done for the right reasons. It's a wonderful heart that wants to bring joy to others. But sometimes wanting to make everyone happy, can really only guarantee that everyone will be unhappy especially the person who's trying to make others happy. I know many people are what we call 'people pleasers' they aren't exactly trying to make people happy because it brings them joy, they're trying to make people happy because they believe it will keep the peace. The usual thing you hear is 'I don't want to make anyone mad' from them. Really in all human nature, you can't make everyone happy even if you have a happy group on one side, someone on the other is bound to be unhappy. I've always wondered why people do this, what is it that would make a person go so far as to try to please everyone and end up unhappy themselves. Don't they cherish their own happiness? Don't they know they deserve to be happy? There are a couple of different types of pleasers that I've noticed, the 'I don't want anyone mad' pleaser, the 'it's just easier this way' pleaser and the infamous martyr pleaser (I see many women with kids do this one).

The 'I don't want to make anyone mad' pleaser is just a person that is scare of displeasing anyone, they're scared no one will like them if they don't please them. They may also be afraid of letting people down, if they don't please them. This happens in all kinds of relationships, marriages, and friendships and I'm not always positive that the people they are trying to please know what's going on with them. Most people may just think they have a nice friend, husband, wife, son or daughter but really their pleasing is out of fear. I don't think the folks that care about them are always trying to make them please them but I think that those folks just like it because this person goes out of their way to make them happy and do what they want. They're so eager to please so really without actually knowing it they may be encouraging this behavior, most of us are apt to take what's given. Sometimes the folks know this person is a pushover so they just take advantage of the situation. Those people make me mad because they're users and they're hurting the pleaser. If you know someone who displays any of this, you may want to ask them are they just doing things so you won't be mad? I think it's important to know where people are coming from. If every time I ask someone to do something they immediately hop to it, I may be inadvertently making someone's life more difficult and causing undue pressure on them and I certainly don't want that.

The 'this is just easier' pleaser is just a bit lazy. They're less of a pleaser and more of person that may want people to just not complain, not keep asking, so they just do it to get you off of their back. I know some folks like this and this is certainly a product of pressure. I'd advise anyone who is knows someone like this to watch themselves, because when this person finally gets enough of this that scene is not going to be pretty.

The martyr pleaser I've typically seen in women, especially those with kids. But I also think that men can take on the martyr role too. Their are two kinds of martyrs that I've noticed the one that does pleasing out of obligation and guilt and the other that does it out of blackmail. Those folks who are martyrs out of obligation may feel that their lives have no meaning if they aren't trying to please everyone, if they aren't trying to be perfect at everything they do. It may be that they believe no one will love them or people won't think they are good people if they aren't always available for everyone's issues but their own. They can end up being used grossly by everyone around them and it's sometimes sad when I see these things happening. I'm no therapist and I don't know how to help people out of these issues but I certainly don't want to participate in them. Then there's the blackmailer, the person that says yes and does everything to please people so they make people feel guilty and hold those things they've done over people's heads. I avoid these people at all costs because they are pleasers and users and that's a bad combination.

I believe that most pleasers are just trying to do what they believe will make people happy while sacrificing their own happiness. I must say I never suffered from this and in my old age, I've just completely given up trying to make anyone happy. If you can't please yourself, it's not my job to please you. I don't make it a point to upset people but I don't make it a point to sacrifice myself for others either. My happiness and joy comes first and then if I'm happy you should be happy, kind of like trickle down. If you're not happy, my thought is that you've got some things to think about and maybe issues to solve. I can certainly direct people to folks that can help but I'm not obligating myself to everyone with a problem so things we must overcome on our own even with support. I think one of the downsides that come out of being a people pleaser is that some people will build up resentment and anger towards those who they are trying to please especially when it seems no matter what they do, those folks still aren't happy with it. Those are some dangerous emotions and I'd advise any pleaser to stop and make yourself the priority if you're dealing with that. Those two things can kill you, literally. I don't want to be smiling on the outside while crying on the inside. I want my outside and inside to match. One of the first steps to quelling some of the need to people please is establishing 'boundaries' when I say this I mean personal boundaries. It astonishes me how many people don't have boundaries with family and friends. I have boundaries with all my family and friends and you know what, it makes for much happier and healthier relationships. There is a wonderful book called Boundaries: When to Yes and When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, it can help anyone who's having a hard time or doesn't know how to set boundaries with people. This means setting boundaries with spouses, kids, in laws, mothers, fathers, friends, co-workers or anyone. Most folks who don't know how to set boundaries do have an out of control life because every other person they know is controlling them. There is such a thing as the 'Gift of No' and it's a gift to used and treasured. You're not as beholden to people as you may think. I know this post isn't for everyone but there may be someone who feels like they're life is spinning out of control because they won't establish boundaries. It's been said that good fences make good neighbors, I believe the same is true when it comes to personal relationships. No one can possibly please everyone, it's totally impossible so why drive yourself nuts trying to do it. Sit down, take a breather, and find ways to please yourself and be ready not to explain why you're doing it to other people. It's your life take this quote from Benjamin Disraeli, Statesman 'Never complain and never explain.'

Happy St. Paddy's Day

As you may have already guessed, I'm not Irish. I'm don't even have a little Irish in me, well I may have at some point but that's another story for another time LOL. But Ireland is certainly one of the places on my 'Places I Want to Visit' list. Let me just be honest I think it may be just to hear the guys talk, I love that accent. I took an Irish history class in college and my professor was visiting from the University of Dublin and man he had a sweet accent, I never missed a class. I thought he was so sexy at the time, it wasn't that he was particularly sexy when I think back on it, it was just his voice it did things my young lil' lions LOL. So here's to the Irish, especially Irish men blessed they certainly should be among men. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone and don't drink too much Guinness.

I'm In Limbo

I most certainly do not mean the kind that you need figure out 'how low can you go'. My life is in limbo, which I cannot stand. By my nature, I'm a planner, I'm always planning or thinking of plan or implementing a plan. I have a hard time in a sense 'staying still', I want things to happen and really I'd like for them happen when I want them to happen. But right now I'm a state of limbo. Now Matt and I will be getting married in September but I'm not kidding when I say, I haven't made a move on the wedding. The reason for that is well, I'm a bit of procrastinator that's a bad habit but the other portion is we're figuring out when and where we're going to move. When I mean move, I don't mean make moves. I mean pack up and move. Matt would like for us to have a bigger place to live together but while I'm in limbo that can't happen. The reason that can't happen is because I'm waiting for information for a job I've been kinda, sorta interviewing for these last couple of months. I've been talking to the person over the position for the last couple of months but they couldn't give me a job because the job hadn't been posted or budgeted for. Now that things are completed, the job has been posted and I've applied and I am now waiting for a yah or nay! I wasn't promised anything but I was a leading candidate but that don't mean anything when the rubber hits the road and I'm not in the habit of counting my chickens before they've hatched either. So who knows but I'm just waiting, the whole application process started this week and I'm just in limbo. I'm really interested in this job and wanted to apply for it because it would be an opportunity for me to do the career change I've been wanting to do for so long, moving into the non-profit sector. I'm not actually moving because the job will come with a free place to live, I can't move until I interview then they make up their minds on whether they want to hire me or not. It also means until I figure out whether or not I have a full-time job instead of my now part-time teaching job, I'm not going to start putting any money down regarding wedding plans. A new full time job will totally change the budget in my household and for the better, so those plans are on hold for now. The wedding plans part, I'm not so worried about, our wedding is going to be such a small event, you barely need a plan. I could plan the whole wedding on a paper napkin and still have room. It's just that I can't stand this limbo thing I'm going through. I'm impatient and I'd just like move but the limbo won't last long and certainly not forever. I figure within a month or less, we'll be moving right along but the meantime I'm trying to woo-sah thing to get myself together. Come on everybody, breath with me, woo-sah or limbo! You choose.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Paul Walker

I been thinking about Paul Walker lately, maybe because Fast5 is about to come out and he and some other examples of true male hawtness will be gracing the screen. I hear women commenting about his sexiness all over the web and I'd neglected to speak on it myself. Yes, yesssss he is some kind of hot and good looking and sexy and the rumor I keep hearing but have yet to find any proof of but I'm still passing it on, is that he has a baby with a black woman. Somebody confirm or deny that for me. It won't really matter either way, he will forever be a beautiful man to me. All slim and sexy with the golden blonde locks and those gorgeous baby blues, have I told you I'm a sucker for blondes with blue eyes. Mmm hmm, that's my kind of flavor. It's been awhile since I've done a Lawd Have Mercy post but I don't come back to disappoint you ladies, here he is Mr. Paul Walker. Yikes!

Let the Kids Lead the Way

I am always amazed at young people. Sometimes they can be a source of pure frustration and other times of great pride and joy. I have 14 nieces and nephews (this includes Matt's nieces and nephews). I have nine that are my family by blood and five that will be my family by marriage. Only 4 of the those are small children, the rest of either teenagers or young adults. I recently read a great post on Crush'ed's blog A Crush a Day, it was titled Futuristic Lover and she was giving some advice to a young black woman about dating interracially. I like that she's a young woman giving other young women advice. I don't always think older black women should be doing this in every case, I feel like sometimes we have a lot a racial baggage (especially in the U.S.) these kids don't have and shouldn't pick up and we sometimes want to put that crap on young people. They don't deserve it. When you read the blog, notice the YouTube videos she's added to the post as they instruct kids at University of South Carolina how to do the blind date. It doesn't seem to matter that the participants are a black girl and white boy, they're just young people dating. I loved this post when I saw it and I'm just convinced that the younger generation is going to lead the way when it comes to IR dating, mating and marriage. These kids have a wide world open to them via the internet and travel, they actually do know people from the around the world. They're friends with those kids and they go to school with those kids so some of the drama of the past is dissipating with this generation. I wouldn't be short-sighted enough to say it will go away but it's gone way further than it did when I was in high school back in the, ehem, 80s. My teenage and young adult nieces and nephews are all kids open to the idea or have already dated interracially. I don't know if as their Aunt I was example to them, that yes it's okay to have options when you date and you should take those or it's okay to date someone who doesn't look exactly like you. I hope I had some influence over them but whether I did or didn't I'm glad they get to see many people as potential mates and not get stuck thinking you have to be a matching set. I'm glad young women like Crush'ed are helping other young black women get on board and feel okay about liking someone that isn't black. I don't want to pass the paranoia of the last generation on to these kids when it comes to interracial dating, they're different and it's a different time whether we older folks want to acknowledge it or not. I'm so thankful that my nieces and nephews feel secure in knowing they can find someone that's right for them not someone that's right in everyone else's eyes. I love it that many kids today are so open to dating/mating interracially. I love this video by Kevin Jumba, it's hilarious and true in some ways.

Are You Fooling Yourself?

I'm writing this in response to a blog I saw on a blog called 'Black Girls Are Easy' it's a terrible title for a blog but one of his blog post was very interesting. Now my warning is, it's raunchy and he uses some colorful language but if you get through that you may find some good information on here for black women. It's called Are You Wifey or Are You Pu$$y?, yea it's provocative but I figure that's because the young man wanted to get attention and he does. Now personally, I think this article could be written from a woman's perspective about a man, many people are having issues mating/dating people. Also many people are doing dumb things when they mate and date. The essence of this blog post talks about women trying to use sex to get a man to marry them and the fact that most men are more than willing to take the sex women give and never give them anything significant in return. I know the truth of that hurts but this is a young man and this pretty much what most men think, no man is willing to turn a woman into a wife if all she has to offer is sex, no matter how good the sex is, you have to come with more. I think it's a lesson well worth learning for black women. Black women as a set of women are have the highest rate of new HIV cases among all women in the U.S. 56%. We also have a out of wedlock birthrate of 73%, you can read more about that and the possible outcome of this issue on No Wedding, No Womb website. As black women we are also marrying at lower rates, only 46% and are the last choice when it comes to the dating pool. Now some of this you can certainly blame on people skewering the image of black women including other black women. But some of this is because black women are making bad choices, maybe we need to do some self-introspection and figure out why we've become so easy and willing to take up the role as 'pu$$y' for men and think that's good enough to catch a man. I don't think black women are dumb, I think we're extremely smart, we've just decided to turn off our brains in this situation. I'm thinking that some black women have become so desperate from lack, they're willing to okey-doke themselves into believing what's between your legs is all that's required to make a man fall in love. Or the worst of all delusions that love=sex, please take that out of your mindset if you're thinking it. I'll say it again because it bear repeating especially for black women, when we make better choices, we get better results.

Oh Lord I Hurt, But I Did it Again Today

I've started exercising again and oh my lord, I'm hurting. My body is aching and I could use a good massage but that's okay. I'm going to persevere. I stopped exercising a couple of years back when I started to have anxiety and panic attacks which also brought on mild depression. It's just tough to get inspired to do anything when mentally you feel like crap. But I'm better and my life is fantastic so I feel motivated again to try to continue to live a long and healthy life. So yesterday was the first day back to working it out. I have a wonderful, the one pictured here with Erin O'Brien working that body getting it in shape, so I can get some lean muscle and rid myself of this flabbiness I have now. This DVD was a gift from a wonderful person, Christelyn Karazin, she runs the blog Beyond, Black, and White where she's inspiring black women to live healthy and happy lives. I just want to thank her for this video, it's kicking my butt and I'm loving it. I was sweating like a Hebrew slave and my heart was beating so hard I would hear it and feel it, but I'm so proud of myself. I'm committed to feeling better and looking better, it actually left with a lot of energy after the workout. I was hurting this morning but I got up and did it again.

Since I'm getting married I'm trying to make sure I don't have to buy the plus size wedding dress because heck, size 14 is plus size now and I can't afford the extra $100 for a wedding dress. It's unfair but it is what it is. It's just easier to do something I was planning on doing anyway, exercising to lose some pounds and get the regular size dress. I'm excited about being a little slimmer, trimmer and leaner for the summertime. I'm also need to work my heart, as a type 1 diabetic it's very important that we work our hearts, we have propensity for heart disease and I ain't going out like no sucka! I plan on living a long time to love people and drive them crazy with my sarcasm. I might be updating soon as things start to transform.

Well, I'm Not Perfect

I like blogs that can give a little advice and let people know how it's okay to be imperfect. I like 'real' people, many things I see on the internet especially in blogs and boards are all these perfect people living perfect lives, of course, you know it's a lie but it can make you feel bad that maybe you're not living up to your potential. I'm sometimes a perfectionist but never enough not to realize that my imperfection makes me perfect. My name, Eugenia, means well-born or perfect. My mother always told me how perfect I was, I think that's the reason I didn't suffer really damaging self-esteem. I actually believed her, she's my mom why would she lie to me? My thought is that no one is living up to their potential and writing about living up to your potential is easier than actually living it. I want people to know that I'm real, I have all the struggles of real people. I hope that gives people inspiration it certainly gives me inspiration when I know someone may be struggling with some of the same things I've struggled with. I don't know, I find it reassuring that people have some of the same struggles I have. I certainly don't wish people difficulties in their life but it's nice to find things in common. It's also nice to hear how they've overcome those. I am not a person that wants to hear about the agonies of life that people are constantly re-living because they learn nothing from their mistakes. I like hear stories that inspire empowerment in them and others.

But along with this, I also like it when people talk about the things they may believe make them strange and come to find out others have some of those oddities. Those things I'm not ashamed of, I'm odd in a lot of ways that's what makes me unique. Some of best and most unique imperfections are:

• I make this weird noise when my throat itches, it's not like anything you've ever heard almost like a wounded goose. When I scratch my throat I make it. My mom, my little brother and my baby niece Olivia also do it. 
• I don't like when people sit on my bed, my best friend and I have that in common. So I never sit on her bed and she never sits on mine.
• I don't like for people to touch my radio in the car.
• I hate wet bathroom floors or wet carpet, yuck!
• I don't like people to put their bare feet anywhere near my body and mostly definitely don't touch me with them. I'm not big on footsy.
• I hate dirty dish water, really I don't like to put my hands in dish water at all even with gloves. Thank goodness Matt likes to wash dishes.
• I like forks, spoons, and knives all in the proper place in the silverware drawer.
• When I say thank you, I don't like when people say 'okay'. It irks me a little, I always say 'you're welcome'. 
• I bounce my leg when I'm nervous, just my right one in a consistent rhythmic motion. My mom and my little brother also do the same thing.
• I'm insanely organized, all things have to put back where you got them from. I'm not a neat freak but I'm a freak about being organized.
• I love pens, I just love pens. I buy all kinds, expensive and cheap, all different colors. I really love pens, my mom used to buy them for me as little gifts as a child.
• I only drink LaCroix carbonated flavored water, I don't drink tap water and I like the carbonation. I think it keeps me from drinking a bunch of soda.
• I hate chocolate, can't stand it, it's so nasty and leaves a terrible after taste in my mouth.
• I can't wear any pj pants to bed, I don't like things on my legs when I sleep and I can't wear socks I feel like I'm dying with socks on my feet in bed. I feel like I'm trapped.
• I always have to take a shower before bed, I can't stand feeling sticky when my body parts rub against one another. I will get up in the middle of the night to take a shower if I have to and have done so.
• I have a keen sense of smell but I can't hear well out of my right ear the result of a childhood ear infection. 
• I have a birthmark on the small of my back I didn't know I had till about 8 years ago.
• I love taking pictures of myself, my family and especially Matt, that boy said he hadn't smiled in photos in almost 8 years and I saw proof of that. So it's so nice that I have all the photos of him, where he actually looks genuinely happy. I want to be able to have a photo log of every moment of my life for my old age.

I like all my imperfections, I'm not trying to rid myself of any of them. I love the quirky stuff about me that makes me unique and different. My mom always taught me to take pride in being different. What imperfections about yourself are you proud of?

I've Been 4 for 2 Days

I know I haven't written blogs in the last couple of days, one of the reasons is because I was hanging with a 4 year old for two days. I spent this Monday and Tuesday hanging out with my 4 year old niece, Olivia, my brother and sister in law have been out town and she was staying with my mom. But my mom works and since I'm on spring break from teaching, she got to hang with Auntie for two days. She's a great kid, absolutely adorable she's usually very shy when she meets people, most of the time she won't talk but once you get her started talking, she don't really stop. She talks about everything, mom and dad, her big brother, their dogs Diesel and Simeon, her friends, school, clothes, everything. You have never had a random conversation until you've had one with a 4 year old, it's great. That's most random conversation, I've ever had but I still enjoyed it. She keeps you on your toes and you have to listen carefully because she may change up at any moment.

She's a sweetheart kid and although she can a booger-bear with mom and dad. Every time I've ever watched her she's sweet as sugar. She don't whine, she don't cry (unless she's missing her parents), and she don't beg for anything. The first day we went shopping and I bought her two books, I like raising readers so I buy all the kids in my family lots of books. Auntie also bought some books for herself. Then we went to Target and I pushed in the cart all around the store. She helped me pick out clothes and we bought her a outfit too for spring. She's funny, she told me she wanted a newer Barack Obama t-shirt from her parents visit to DC, that the one she had was old. Look, she's really smart already too. We had lots of fun together. She spent the evening at my house with Matt and I and my friend's son, Kenny who I have adopted as a nephew. Blood ain't the only thing that makes family ties for me. We watched movies on Netflix and watched 'Dora the Explorer' which I must say I watch regularly on my own, I like to practice my Spanish, don't judge me. We also did the chicken dance, I'm kind of silly when I want to be.

On Tuesday, we went to movies, she had to go to the bathroom like three times during the movie. It's eventful to try to sit through a movie a 4 year old but as usual she was great. But right before the end she did proclaim loudly 'when is this movie going to end? I'm ready to go.' I always enjoy spending time with her but after those two days I'm pooped. This once again verifies that I've done the right thing by not having children, especially at this age I don't think I could keep up. My mom commented that children are for young people because they have lots of energy. My storage of energy has been wiped bare for awhile, I'm replenishing it now.

But I just wanted Olivia to always know that I consider it a privilege to her and my other nieces and nephews Aunt. They're as close as I'm going to get to having kids of my own and being a mother and I so enjoy my time with them. I'm a proud Auntie.

It's Lent Season Again

For all you that don't know and those that do it's Lent season begins today, Ash Wednesday. Now if you're unaware of what Lent means to Christians of all faiths, I guess I could give a little overview.

Lent, is the 40 day period of fasting and prayer from Ash Wednesday to Holy Saturday before Easter. The 40 days represents the time Jesus spent in the desert overcoming temptation by Satan. The period of Lent is preparation for the annual commemoration of the death and resurrection of Jesus, celebrated during Holy Week. Lent is a Teutonic word , meaning spring season.


Today is Ash Wednesday, I'll probably be going later to get the ashes put on my forehead at my church. Now as a Christian I'm supposed to give up something for Lent and most of the time people give up things that are simple, coffee or meat or whatever. Usually something they can do without but I have a member of my church that challenged us last year to give up something that was really not useful in your life and if you could give it up for 40 days you could give it up forever. Well, I did try last year but I didn't make it the whole Lent season. But I'm going to try again this year, I'm going to try to give up cursing. Oh yes, little sweet me can curse like a sailor and it's an atrocious habit. One I've been trying to give up for awhile but Lent Season is a great time to come to God and ask for help giving this up. And if I do for the 40 days, I can do it for good. Now I'm not a perfect Christian, really most Christians aren't. I struggle with a lot of things but I'm always thankful that God doesn't hold things against me the way humans do. He gives me another chance to try to get it right everyday I'm above ground. So I'll be asking God for help as I try again to give up cursing. Maybe I can get some words to use in the place of those that aren't so bad. Boy, somebody please pray for me. LOL. 

Happy Birthday, Theodor Geisel!

If you don't know who Theodor Geisel is, he's also known as Dr. Seuss and today is his birthday. I love to read, always have and as a child some of my favorite books were by Dr. Seuss. I loved the rhythmic language used and all the colorful illustrations in the books. As a kid I always wondered how I could get to these cool worlds that Dr. Seuss created. I know we all know or have a Dr. Seuss book in our possession, two of my favorites being Cat in the Hat and Green Eggs and Ham. How can you ever forget 'Sam I Am'?

A few years ago on PBS I saw a wonderful special of Dr. Seuss' life as he went from Theodor Geisel boy illustrator to one of the most well-known children's book writers and illustrators in the world. Theodor did a stint making cartoons for the military during World War II, he talks of a American propaganda cartoon he did of Japanese soldiers that was a racist caricature and he regretted immensely ever drawing that cartoon. His life was complex and complicated and he was a complex and complicated man. He was very withdrawn and sometimes sullen, he could also be very selfish. In the 50s and 60s his writing career really took off and he started to write more children's books and during the late 60s and 70s his children's books tackled some of life's more complicated issues like war, environmental concerns, and racism. The odd thing about Theodor though was he was very uncomfortable around children and found it hard to relate to them and never had any children of his own. Which I found astonishing, a man that wrote books that changed children's lives and the way they saw the world couldn't enjoy the company of his greatest admirers. He was wonderful, talented, and supremely complex man and that makes his books even more great to read. Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss your books made my childhood an absolute joy and I thank you for that. Here's a link to one of the best sketches ever on Saturday Night Live, Jesse Jackson reads Green Eggs and Ham. Classic.

What's your favorite Dr. Seuss book?