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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Letting Go of Crap-The Gift Edition

Gift meaning, gift for you not gift for him. Ladies we are usually wonderful gift givers, very thoughtful and try to make it personal for our loved ones. Men, on the other hand, could always use some help. Now a lot of men actually 'get it' when you're looking a gift for your wife or girlfriend it's best to ask the lady at the store, that's what she's there for you to help you so you don't end up bringing your lady love, oh say...a blender. It happens ladies and I'm sure it may have happened to some of you. Valentine's Day is upon us and if you're a woman you've already picked out and/or picked up your sweet man's card and gift. I sure have, he's gonna love it. Matt is not easy to shop for, not at all. But I'm a good listener so I always get good gifts and I sure know what NOT to buy him. Unfortunately, men most don't have those wonderful skills and I'm not mad at men because they don't but really ladies they just aren't built that way. I've only known one guy in my life that was excellent at giving gifts and he's a friend of mine, he should have wrote a book for men about gift giving his skills were so on point. Other than that most men seem to struggle, my ex struggled with it and Matt struggles with what to give me.

My mother who is wonderful and very wise gave me a good piece of advice long ago, I'd like to pass on to women about men and gift giving. She told me when I was married previously to just ask for what I wanted. It's wonderful advice but it sounded so practical and unromantic that kind of sank my spirit. But the first time I remember my ex giving his mother a gift and it was a vacuum, I thought yea I need to speak up. Ladies, don't fool yourself into thinking your man is so romantic and in tune with your every need that he knows what you want as a gift, he don't. When he asks you 'what would like dear?' and say the 'oh I don't know, just get something you'd think I'd like' you've doomed yourself to sequined hot pants or a iron. The reason he's asking you is because HE REALLY HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO GET YOU.  Men are goal-oriented and problem-solvers by nature, when it comes to gifts they usually get you something practical or jewelry, which ain't bad but really jewelry every gift can get boring. Last Valentine's day this was my gift.

A pair of expensive cowboy boots, that I wanted like I wanted to breath. No, it wasn't exactly romantic that he didn't just read my mind and come up with this on his own but really who cares, I got what I wanted and I'm sporting these bad boys all over the Pacific Northwest. What did you get last year? I love shoes and shoes for me as a 'shoe girl' make a wonderful, thoughtful and useful gift. But my style is very eclectic as you can see from these shoes and Matt owns three pair of shoes he wear regularly, his work shoes, tennis shoes, and Birkenstocks, which is like a standard issue shoe in Seattle, everybody has a pair. Now he could have come in with those Ugg boots but I hate those things and think they are terribly ugly. So I had to tell him what I wanted and I got it, what's better than that. Yea...nothing. Well, you could wait for him to be 'romantic' and guess and give you some gift that you don't like and don't need. Yea, I'll take the 'I'll tell you what I want for five hundred, Alex'. Matt's family tells a story about his gift giving skills when he was in his 20s, he had girlfriend that he bought a Chia Pet for Christmas. She bought him a beautiful expensive watch, Matt won't even wear a watch. But really the moral of the story is she wanted something romantic and sweet and he got her a Chia Pet and they said she looked so disappointed. I'm not surprised, I might have been pissed but you know why I'm not pissed because I did as my mom suggested with my ex and with Matt, I asked for what I wanted and you know what I got it. What happened to his poor ex-girlfriend was her fault, she should have spoke up. I'm not taking for granted that men can read my mind or have anything close to what I'd call taste, it's usually all in their mouths. 

So ladies this Valentine's Day when your man asks what you want, resist the urge to try to force him to be a romantic mind-reader and if you really want those bad pair of shoes or boots you saw at Nordstrom, that wonderful sweater at the Gap, that daring lingerie at Victoria's secret, that beautiful bracelet at Zale's, that expensive food processor from KitchenAid or even that vibrating dildo from the local sex shop, tell him. Help the poor man out, he wants to please you, that's why he's asking. Don't set him up for failure by sending out into the wide world of retail on his own.  That's a scary place for men. Give him a couple of options, so when he gives you the gift, you can act surprised at his thoughtfulness, kiss him deeply, tell him you love him, give me some good loving that night, and have exactly what you wanted in a gift. This year I'm expecting that charm bracelet, I'm so happy and he'll be happy all night long. 

This is the woman he wants to see on Valentine's Day.

Not this one.

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