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Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I declared a while back that I was not a BWE blogger. What is BWE? It's 'Black Women's Empowement' blogs, they usually have a black woman at the helm who has some or no life experience instructing other black women on what they should do, how to live, eat, exercise, date and a host of other things. I'm not really down with dictatorship so I wasn't comfortable with that title. I decided this was just going to be electic like me, different, like me. Really in life, I walk a different path, I think for myself and I'm not under the illusion that any other person has my best interest at heart and that can include family whom I love dearly. That's why I instruct anyone reading this blog to take what you can use and throw the rest of this shit out. But really only I know what's best for me, because only I know who I am. I believe critical thinking is vital in life, it helps me I have to think critically all the time, it's one of the things I was trained to do as a paralegal. As a paralegal, I knew that my client wasn't always telling me the truth and this was my client, someone who I was helping to represent so you'd think they would be honest. But no, most of the time they'd lie by omission and to me that's still lying. Being a paralegal taught me some other things, always be suspicious, most people are way too trusting that's why they get their feeling hurt. I'm not talking paranoid but I don't believe what everyone says just because they say it and usually people tell one story one day, another story the next. Where do those two stories meet up and turn into something that may look like honesty. I  busted a lot of clients and opposing parties in lies using this method. Also listen, listen very carefully to what people say, the words they use and how they use them, it will tell you a lot. My thought is that most BWE blogging is just telling half the story especially about the blogger, there's another side that won't be told, ever.

For a lot of black women they feel like they don't have anyone on their side and the whole world is against them. And for a lot of us, we don't worry about those things and have decided to get on with life, I come at the latter. The one thing I like to do on this blog is encourage black women to date their options, hell to encourage black women to see their options. I think honing your critical thinking skills is important in this process, once you figure out you got choices, you might want to take them. I don't preach to people or tell people they are dumb for taking choices other than mine, I find that counter-productive. In the end, the choice is yours, in the end the choice is always yours.

When I thought about writing versus post it wasn't something about black v. white, rich v. poor, or men v. women it's more basic than that. For me it comes to logical v. illogical. I'm a highly practical person, so all my decisions are based on what is best for me personally because whether people want to admit it or not, all your decisions are based on you first. Now, we can pretend we're all altruistic but we're not we're usually very self-serving. I don't think about how my decisions are going to effect black women, I think about how my decisions are going to effect this black woman. I try to think of things on a logical basis and I'm going to say something some may find insulting but really I find most women illogical, it's one of the reasons I don't have many women friends, they're just way too emotional. Not that there's anything wrong with being emotional, I'm emotional but I try to temper that with logic. My thought is to always be honest, if you don't like something just say you don't like it but don't try to gussy it up and make it look good and make it sound logic when it's not. When I found BWE blogs I didn't know what they were, had never heard of BWE at all so I just thought they were cool blogs with women who shared some of my experience as a woman who dated IR. Now, I've come to discover, no they're not. Many of them you can't have a discussion without it disintegrating into full blown craziness and opinions other than the ones tauted as sacred are to squashed. I'm finding the women illogical on these, some  downright crazy and really they try to raise themselves to higher level than those other women out there who don't know all their magical secrets but really they are these women, same women, different message. It's starting to run together for me. They don't seem to actually want to celebrate when women have successful IR relationships, most just want to bitch because they can't find one and white men are jerks or weak because they aren't falling all over them. Or they're trying to find themselves before they find a man, I equate that with, no man is asking you out. Or the married women or the ones in a relationship are trying to shove in your face that your IR isn't proper if it doesn't contain x,y, and z. That's snobbery on a whole other level. Yes, it seems to me that black women on these are like any black women I say everyday, there is no distinction. I'm looking for black women where being a black woman is not your whole existence, that being in an interracial relationship with your incredible white man doesn't define who you are. I'm looking for black women that can think for themselves, define their own lives, make up their own minds and they aren't sniffing the pants of some other black woman at her blog. I'm looking for the independent thinker, like myself because I've been running across way too many dependent thinkers here lately. In the versus, I'm thinking maybe it's become me vs. illogical world. I also think maybe I'm losing.


  1. I haven't actually used anything I read on the BWE blogs. Well I did try Christelyns Yoga. But that's about it.

    I just read them for fun. I don't really talk much with black people unless I'm in South Africa. That is partly why I like reading these blogs :)

    Lol interracial snobbery.. Well I can see that from some people.

  2. I don't use much either but then again I been dating/mating IR for 20 years, don't need much help in that area. But like you I like BBW b/c of her practical advice, I'm loving the new beauty and health segments.

    But you know I try to support women who have a positive outcome in an IR relationship, like your blog. I like b/c I don't know any blak people in Sweden so you give me some inside scoop. And although you don't exclusively talk about your husband and family I like when people do, I like when they show them off. Even if I wasn't getting married I'd like. I like good positive images of real black women, in a good IR marriage or LTR. It gives women hope, even if they didn't use all the 'rules' to get into it. I know lots of blogs like those and they don't get much support, just the ones with all the drama and I'm tired of drama for drama's sake. It's not pushing anyone forward so it's waste to me.

  3. This post is spot on. I am getting too old and tired for drama. I just like seeing black women being happy and successful, however they got to that point (be it with a black/white/latino/asian man, traveling abroad, amazing career, etc.). On most BWE sites, they do too much bashing and preaching, which overshadows all the uplifting qualities these sites may possess.

  4. Elaine that's it, I just like seeing happy black women, at this point with a man, without a man, however you got the man, traveling, staying at home, whateva. I just dislike rules b/c they can't apply to everybody especially when it comes to life. I just like something positive and if my advice helps somebody great, if it don't apply I'm not gonna cram it down your throat forcing it to apply. Yes, I've had to extract myself from some spots, the lunacy was making me a little crazy. LOL.

  5. Thank you for this post. I used to read some of them b/c it made me happy to find a community of black women supporting each other. But you hit it right on the head that you can't seem to have a differing opinion. God help you if you do b/c they will descend like a swarm of angry bees on the poor soul. I usually lurk but I had to comment on this one, I love your blog btw.

  6. Udara, I've decided to be a lurker on some sites now too. Some I've decided not to even lurk at. I wish you could a variation on ideas but that never happens b/c you're right if you don't fall in line you are attacked and swiftly and viciously on some of them. One of my favorites blogs I decided not comment on a regular basis anymore b/c I'm just tired of all the groupthink it's never inviting to me. I don't want to be part of the black Stepford wives it's just not appealing.