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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Narcissism Goes Both Ways

I'm sure we've all known or dated and even maybe married a narcissistic person. Narcissism is a tad insidious once it get into a person it really gets into them, they can barely contain it or themselves when it comes to being self-absorbed.

The definition of narcissism is as follows:

inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love;vanity.
Psychoanalysis erotic gratification derived from admirationof one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normalcondition at the infantile level of personality development.

But I must say there's another side to narcissism, one most of us don't think of, most of us believe narcissistic people are like this definition on the 'positive' side of narcissistic and I don't mean good, I just mean narcissism where the person sees themselves in only positive ways, as better than  others.

But there's the negative side of narcissism, where someone has a inordinate fascination with all their negative aspects, they concentrate on those and talk about them excessively. You could tell the person they have good things about themselves, even give them examples of those things but they don't believe you. And really in their negativity it's all about them. I put this short post up to bring this to the attention of folks who are dating or may be married to someone like this, you may think it's just bad self-esteem and you're trying to boost that person's spirits. But, in fact, it's not an issue of self-esteem they are obsessed  with themselves in a negative way and it can adversely affect you, your relationship and your mental health. They probably don't want help with the issue because they don't think of it as an issue, it's a lot of weight to bear trying to take on all of that person's negative energy and process it. I say this because I've gone through this, I know what I'm talking about from experience with my ex-husband and it's not your cross to bear. Narcissism in any form is bad, it makes you feel bad and can cause tremendous anxiety for you but understand it for what it is, it's a mental condition which means someone needs help and if those folks do not want to get help, do not try to love them through what only therapy can cure. Your love even your unconditional love will not wipe away their feelings and odd celebration they seem to have their faults. We all want to be loved and we all like attention from the ones we love but you cannot love anyone that does not know their worth or love them self. Here's hoping you never have to experience this in your life or relationship. Good luck.

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