Blog Love-Just Like Me Couples

I like to share a blog post for blogs I really love and want others to check out. I got mad blog love going out to blog, Just Like Me Couples. I found it while perusing random blogs. I love it, this blog is run by PurpleNepenthe and it's great. It features famous and everyday black female and non-black male couples. I like this because, yes, I like to see couples that look like Matt and myself. I don't know why, it's just very reassuring. The blog is very positive in it's message and image of bw/non-bm couples without any hoopla or controversy. It'sjust celebrating the couples love and showing couples that look like us. I am certainly praying for the day to come where we won't need these kinds of blogs (no offense PurpleNephenthe) and our love will be special because love is special and not because it involves a black woman and non-black man. Please if you are a bw/non-bm interracial couple submit your photo to her and she'll feature you on the blog, check it out for more details.

Black-Owned Don't Mean Nothing to Me

I had to comment on this, because a Facebook friend asked a question on his status about why it’s not racist to put black-owned on your business but it would be to put white-owned on your business. I’m not really in trying to figure out the philosophy about why one is okay while the other would have people foaming at the mouth. Life is full of double-standards, so what. But I did want to touch on why anyone would put black-owned on their business in the first place. Is this something that blossomed out the L.A. riots of 1992, you know those started on my birthday, if it is it’s just ridiculous. Putting black-owned on your business is not a reason for me to step into it and start spending my hard-earned money, is it? I think not.

As black people I think we’re sometimes brainwashed or just plain stupid, we give our allegiance to things with absolutely no thought to exactly why we’re so willingly handing over our allegiance. I work really hard for my money as most of us do and because I work hard for my money, I try to spend it wisely. In this economy that’s the smart thing to do but really that’s the smart thing to do even when things are booming.

I certainly don’t mean that I only frequent businesses where the owners aren’t black that would be ridiculous. I say I frequent businesses where the owners appreciate my business, are professional, the service is good, and the prices are in line with that service. Personally, I’d pay more for good service it’s worth it.

I’m going to share a story with you about why I stopped going to my black stylist (a salon owner) and started going to a white stylist. Which will shed some light on why being a black-owned business is just not enough for me to be your customer. I’d been going to my black stylist for awhile, she did my hair great but there always something missing, I almost felt like I was going to her out of desperation. She was reasonable in cost, a little cheaper than the person I go to now but really that didn’t make a difference when it came to service and professionalism. I would walk in for an appointment, that she never called to remind me I had and would sit for 30 minutes sometimes before another stylist would say, ‘mmm [insert her name], I think your 12:00 is here’ nodding their head towards me. She was never on time and I am stickler about being timely, my time is valuable, everyone’s is and it just irks me when people are late especially when it happens repeatedly. I find it insulting. I shouldn’t have to remind you or hunt you down for you to realize you have an appointment with me; she didn’t even have spot for me to check-in. She was at least late 30 minutes to an hour and half all the time, usually because she was trying to do three or four clients hair at once. I’d spend 2 hours under a dryer because she was trying to shuffle all her clients, start one head, while finishing up another. When I sat in her chair there was always just a ton of people hanging out there, talking, gossiping, and commenting it was just weird. They weren’t getting their hair done, they were just hanging out. People with their kids running around and everyone eating full on lunches will doing your hair. I had just had enough, I couldn’t take it. I found my new stylist and it was total difference, reminders of appointments, professionalism, on time, she was never with more than one client at once so I was her focus during my appointment time, clean, no kids running around, no one eating their lunch while they did my hair, and there were not people hanging out at her station while my services were being done. Yes, she cost more but I was happy to give my money to something worth it.

I am not a person that believes I owe allegiance to the black community and all it entails. I owe allegiance to me, now if any business whether it be black or white-owned wants my business they have to earn it. If I stepped into a white-owned business and got crappy service, and believe me I have and they didn’t get my money either, I’d be out the door. Really I’m not the kind of customer that goes into hysterics about being treated badly or folks being unprofessional, all I do is take my money and business and go elsewhere. The only thing that happens with me is that you never see me again and you never know why. What this means is I don’t actively look for black-owned businesses and I don’t actively shun them. It means that anyone that wants my dollars has to do a good job and many black-owned businesses do that, they are competitive and good businesses. I have a business and I don’t expect blind loyalty to me because we just happen to share the same racial background. I have to earn people’s business, which means I have to do all the things that make that happen. Putting a black-owned sign on the outside of your storefront is not going to make me want to go in. I wish some black-owned businesses would do the actual hard work of making their business professional, competitive, and providing great service that would get them business from anyone, including me.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Brad Pitt

I love this featured post and I'm just going to continue to do it every week. This one is dedicated to an old star crush of mine, Brad Pitt. My obsession, oops I mean admiration for this man has been a long one. Going back to the days when he starred in 'Thelma & Louise' I didn't even know who he was then but after that movie I never forgot him. How could you I, he looked so good, like the last pork chop on the plate. The amazing part is that even as he ages he just becomes better looking, even when he had that long nasty-looking goatee that made him look homeless, he was still hotter than most men in this world. He is such a handsome man, I've seen studies done that say one of the reasons many women find him so handsome is because of his face structure, it's called the bulldog face, he has it so does Will Smith (who will be featured in one these post later). I'm not making any judgments on his and Angelina's relationship, that's there business. And personally I always thought he was better looking than Jennifer Aniston (that was her fault, she should of just had the baby LOL). Not only is he hotter than the Chicago fire, he has the stink of responsibility and that is really a heady combination in a man. It's almost irresistible. I know his looks aren't for every woman and he doesn't drive every girl wild but to say he's not at least cute, is to say you are blind.


Here is a testament to how hot Brad Pitt is, my best friend and myself took her two teenage nieces and my teenage niece to see 'Twilight' when it came out. At the time 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button' was in theaters. As we passed the huge movie advertisement for it, my best friend's niece started going on about how good looking Brad Pitt was and the other girls agreed. I told my best friend, 'oh my god, the man is so hot even teenagers know it.' So enjoy some Mr. Pitt.

Sometimes...Rejection is a Good Thing

I know no one wants to be rejected, that’s not what I’m saying here. It’s rough when you’re rejected by a friend, a job, but especially by a mate or potential mate. No one looks to be rejected and most of the time we really don’t think we’re going to be rejected after that first great conversation or incredible date or those years of sacrifice in that relationship but it happens. I peruse quite a few websites about women and dating specifically about black women and dating interracially. I see quite a few women who are determined not to date until they get the sign from God. Really, as a Christian, I know God can give people signs about stuff in different ways usually a way that will speak to you specifically, but I also know God is not taking forever to give those signs all the time. Sometimes God speaks really quickly, so it always baffles and amuses me that so many of these women seemed to have been waiting a lifetime for a ‘sign’…really God has to have spoken to someone the day after they put the prayer request in. Not everyone has to stand in the line from Hades waiting for a life partner. Then again maybe you’re not just ready for a life partner, but that’s a different post. I’ve come to the conclusion that the ‘sign’ excuse by Christian and non-Christian women alike, is just an excuse for not actually wanting to get out there and date because of the fear of rejection. When I met Matt it was few months after the breakup of my marriage, once I met him and got to know him it didn’t take long for me to discern the signs that he was the one and I’d be a damn fool if I let him get away because I waiting for a lightning bolt to strike.


Rejection is part of life, an unpleasant part but there are lots of unpleasant parts of life. It’s unavoidable, I’m sorry. I’ve rejected people and been rejected before and as much as it hurts I’ve come to believe that there is good in rejection. One of the things I believe is that when things happen, that was what was supposed to happen, even bad things. You can learn from rejection but sometimes rejection is a godsend. A little before I started to date again I was watching ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ with Patti Stanger, she really does have a lot of useful advice when it comes to dating and she said ‘rejection is God’s protection’. It’s kind of simple-sounding but I think it’s true. We’re sometimes so heartbroken and tore up about rejection but if you think of it as ‘oh boy, I just dodged that bullet’. It can be a little better, yes you’ll still be hurt but you’ll get over it. So after listening to that mantra from Patti every time I went on a date with a guy and if he rejected me I was okay.


Before I met Matt, I’d been kind of seeing a guy a little when all of sudden he just kind of flipped the script and went totally weird on me. I figured it was because he didn’t want to see me but didn’t have the balls to say so. So I stopped talking to him because he was rejecting me and I’ll be a nincompoop in Nepal before I just stand there and continually take the rejection. If I had kept pursuing him what would have happened is I would have missed out on my gem, Matt, that would have been tragic because eventually the other guy would have kicked me to the curb anyway and probably really hard and that rejection would have been worse.


I know it’s hard to fathom rejection being a good thing but sometimes it really is and we should be thankful that some relationships we never got into with certain people. I know it hurts your feelings and your ego is damaged a bit but it’s not going to kill you. There are some instances where maybe you should be learning a lesson about yourself. Maybe trying to fix what made the person reject you, maybe finding out why you wanted to be with someone like that in the first place. I was watching ‘The Soup’ the other night and Joel usually makes jokes about the lunacy on television. He was showing a clip from ‘Millionaire Matchmaker’ of a woman who was the millionaire on a date with a really hot guy, the girl was overweight and I’m not cleaning it up by saying chunky, she was severely overweight and not particularly cute not because she was overweight, she just didn’t really know how to fix herself up. The guy as I said before was very handsome, model looks, they were on the date he was obviously rejecting her but didn’t want to be really mean about it although he was being a jerk. While he rejected her by saying nasty things, every time he said something she’d come back and desperately try to get him to like her. He said he was an a-hole, she said she liked a-holes. She told him she’d buy him a Maserati, give him money, after that he got a little more friendly but not by much. He asked her to do something sexual to him under the table and she complied willingly out of desperation and not wanting to be rejected. I know Joel meant to show this because he thought it was funny and he did make a joke but really it wasn’t funny it was sad and pathetic. It showed the desperate things someone will sink to just not to be rejected. We are not meant to be with everyone we have a conversation, date or even long term relationship with, sometimes those things are just for the moment and we must take them as lessons to learn from. Not every rejection is a personal slight on you; sometimes other people are just not in the right place for that relationship to flourish.


But I also want to stress not to be scared to be rejected. You just can’t sit in your home, apartment, go to work, and go to church and expect that the man or woman of your dreams is going to drop out the sky. If you’re a Christian, you need to understand that God has a job but sometimes you have a job too. You have to get out, be seen, meet people, and be available. If I had not been available to love, love would have never found me. I must say this to non-Christian black women too because they also have this thing about waiting for Mr. Right to just show up out of nowhere. You have to learn how to be in a relationship, you have to be in one to learn, which means you may be rejected. You cannot go on about ‘Oh no he didn’t. How dare that jerk reject me, don’t he know who I am’.
Yea he knows, you’re not the right woman for him and he’s not the right man for you. You also have to remember sometimes you’re going to be the one doing the rejection and you do not want someone questioning why you did it. We all as adults need to be okay if rejection happens, it’s not the end of the world. And for non-black men, who are terrified at being rejected by black women, get over it and get some balls. If you are rejected, doesn’t matter; try again because in all the no’s you will hear all you need is one yes. Just one yes.

Star's Favorite...Music-Florence & the Machine

One of the things you'll probably figure out as you read this blog is that I am electic. I like what I like and I'm not real concerned if people don't understand my likes. Just as with movies, I love music. I wish I had some musical talent but alas I have none. I can't sing, personally I would torture anyone with my singing and I can't play an instrument, my mom always tried to make me take something but I resisted. I was a stubborn child. My music tastes run the gamut, I can't really fit it into a neat box. This post will be the beginning of you maybe wondering, what will she come up with next.

I was in Barnes & Noble a couple of months ago in the music section as I stood there looking for a copy of the DVD 'The Firm' I heard this beautiful strong voice overhead singing a song that I really wasn't aware of the name. I asked the guy behind the counter who it was and he said 'Oh it's this group.' He handed me the CD case with a picture of redhead with plastic lungs on the outside of her chest. At the top it said Florence + the Machine , at the bottom, 'Lungs' and lungs is what she got. I was in music love. I don't regularly hear a lot of new groups I like. I hate to be a old fogey but much of today's music is as dry as Gandhi's sandals. I never get eargasms when I hear new stuff. But I got an eargasm when I heard this, the best one I've had in a long time. The singer, Florence Welch, is from the UK. They really are producing some strong talented female singers over there lately but I'll touch on that in another post. Her voice is magnificent, it's high and strong, she almost blows you over with it. I think that day I was listening in Barnes and Noble she was singing 'The Dog Days are Over' what a magnificent song. Take a listen:





I love the words to this song, my favorite line from the song is

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your loving, your loving behind
You cant carry it with you if you want to survive

There is something about those words that ring true for me.

When the tempo picks up in the song I can't help but cut loose, there's something so primal about it. I got to move and I love it. I also love 'You Got the Love' she has a beautiful soulful, pop voice. Now when I was introduced to Florence & the Machine they hadn't really made a big splash on the radio and the next thing I know I hear my 14 year old niece a few weeks later listening to something that sounds familiar, it was Florence. I was impressed, the kid has some aweosme music tastes, I think she inherited that from me LOL. I'm glad they have made a name for themselves, the U.S. market is not easy to get into and I wish them success. I also wish that they'd make their way up to the Pacific Northwest so I can go check them out live, I bet 'The Dog Days are Over' is brillant live. I love this new group and this song really says something to me because it kind of speaks to my life at this moment, the dog days are over for me, I've survived and thrived and I want to celebrate. I cannot wait to see Florence & the Machine live, come on you guys I need a good music fix.

'My Big Friggin' Wedding' This is What I Do Not Want to Happen

I am planning my upcoming wedding. Matt and I are getting married in September of this year and I'm excited. Now, I'm not big on 'traditional' so this wedding is going to be a small affair with family and just close friends. Matt and I both have large families, his is particularly huge because his father was adopted as a child then as an adult found his birth family and his mom has 4 brothers and a sister, yes it grows exponentially. My mom is an only child with lots of cousins, which means I have lots of cousins. We do share this one thing, we each don't have tons of friends. I'm not saying that as a bad thing, I'm not the kind of person that needs a ton of people that I'm not very close to as friends. Really, give me 2 or 3 people I'm tight with and that's all the friends I need. Matt has his best friend and a couple of other guy friends.

As excited as I am about marrying Matt, I am not excited about the wedding event. As I sat watching television absently in the middle night the other day, it came to me why I'm not.

I was watching a show on either VH1 or MTV, can't really tell those stations apart anymore, called 'My Big Friggin' Wedding'. I've seen it before but it's not something I watch regularly I just hate those shows with the bridezillas and the skanky families. But this particular night they were showing the weddings of two of the show participants. Alyssa and Tyler with the white trash special, her mom and her mom's boyfriend grinding on the dancefloor like they were getting ready to have sex and then since they were totally drunk getting in fight and him calling her all kinds of names one of which, I'd snatch a dude's balls off if he said to me. Alyssa wass also fighting the wedding planner, Tony, then he gets all pissy and starts ripping lights out the wall and packing his stuff up before the wedding is over. She decided she wasn't going to pay him and he told her that he'd sue. Then there was Tammie and Danny, with her guidette butt complaining the whole wedding. Who calls their own wedding awful and ugly? Who does that? She was crying and screeching the whole night about people being mean to her enough that her now husband, Danny, had to tell her to stop that was embarassing him. Personally, I agreed with him. I felt embarassed for her, she looked ridiculous and totally out of control. Wow! Happy wedding day, NOT!!! Watch if you dare.



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I am terrified that if I have a big wedding this will be the end result and there will be no way to avoid it. It's not like I'm saying that someone's family is white trash/ghetto or I'm going to go all apeshit bridezilla on people but potential disaster in any shape or form is what I fear most.

As much as people say, it's your day, do what you like, I don't believe them. I know that people will be sticking their nose in this wedding whether I like it or not. And believe me, when it comes to my nerves I usually have only one good one and if you get on it, it's going to turn out bad and not for me. I can just imagine, the anxiety about things turning out perfectly and I just don't want to deal with that in any way. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I can see myself being overwrought with worry about all the details, especially those I can't control. I just don't want what happened on this show to happen to me. When I was planning a bigger wedding, not giant just a little bigger the stress started to send me into panic and anxiety attacks. Everyone has a request, you need to invite so and so, this person needs to be in the wedding, why don't you have the reception here or there. I couldn't handle it, so for a moment I called off having any wedding at all and said I wanted to go to the courthouse and screw the formalities. I got over my panic and anxiety and decided against that rash decision. But really I haven't gone back to anything bigger, I can't give any details someone I know may read this. But rest assured whatever people are expecting, that's what is not going to happen. Matt and I have discussed it thoroughly and made up our minds that this is OUR wedding and it's going to be done on OUR terms. I hate to disappoint people but really more than anything, I don't want to be disappointed by having a wedding that turns into a mess like these two because I'm trying to impress some people none of which are coming off a dime. I know it's harsh but it's truth. But my wedding day will be happy one and I will not be accused of being a bridezilla.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!-Dwayne Johnson

Yes, another post about hot men and for this one I have one of my favorite male treats. I can really only say one thing about this man, yowza! It's Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson, really I have nothing to add just look at him, his hotness says it all. He's about to be in a new movie Fast Five, part five of the Fast and Furious franchise. Really the movie is going to be an eye candy festival but Dwayne aka The Rock is just rounding out some beautiful male deliciousness in this movie. Please check out the trailer by clicking on the link. But here he is the beautiful and exotic Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. And I love those tats. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? Mmm hmmm, yes I can and can I get some LOL.

Interracial Relationships in the End are Just Relationships

Matt and I got engaged summer of 2010, I was so excited when he asked me to marry him. He is the most wonderful man I think I've ever met and this is the best intimate relationship I've ever had, hands down. We're not just lovers, we're friends and I just don't love him very much, I like him also. I'm not excited about the wedding per se, I'm excited about the marriage. I'm excited about being his wife and all that entails. Now, I've been married before my previous marriage lasted almost 9 years when it ended it was tragic and it hurt and I felt like a failure. But really I wasn't, we had just become different people we'd probably been different people all along and only discovered it after almost 12 years of being together. My ex-husband was white, Matt is white. Why do I say this, you may ask. Because I'd like to let anyone that is thinking about or in a new interracial relationship that in the end, it's just a relationship. My ex-husband and I didn't divorce because he was white and I was black, we divorced because we were not right for each other. That could happen with any man or woman. Being racially matched don't make for a perfect match, really my personal thought is that it's more about culture than race. But even that could fall by the wayside if you love the person and do the work to make it a good relationship.

As I've stated in a previous post, my blog is not for IR dating/mating beginners. I am not here to tell you how to snag a white guy or Asian guy or Hispanic guy. I'm well beyond that and really like to deal with people who aren't all freaked out about serving their own self-interest which means finding the best mate for you. That mate could come in a variety of colors. I don't mind letting people know what it's like to date IR and what may happen because it can be challenging but it doesn't have to be. But I'd like to address something for beginners or people who are dating interracially for the first time or people who are considering dating interracially. I certainly support interracial dating in any form it comes no matter what gender or race the folks in the relationship are because I just think it's a good thing for people to look for the love that's best for them, to be cognizant of their own self-interest. I don't particularly understand nor can I wrap my brain around the concept of uplifting everybody else and forgetting about yourself. I certainly don't believe in self-sacrifice unless you're willing to or sacrificing for me. And unlike Jill Scott I don't 'cringe' when I see black men with women of other races, I don't take other people's choices as a personal affront to me.


But I do want to say this to those who are entering the wonderful world of interracial dating after you've first met the person, gone out, figured out you like them and maybe want to see where it goes, gotten over the issues/challenges that may come from friends and family (I say pretty much screw strangers and if friends and family get too overbearing maybe they should kick rocks too), and started a wonderful loving relationship with a man or woman. You will now figure out, it's just a relationship like any other intimate loving relationship. When I'm with Matt, it's no different than anyone else's relationship. We talk, laugh, argue, discuss, cajole, sympathize, support, comfort, and love one another. I don't get up in the morning with my first thoughts of the day being 'I'm black' and I don't believe he gets up thinking 'I'm white'. We don't particularly worry about our relationship being interracial, in fact it rarely ever comes up. Because in a real relationship, you discuss the actual relationship issues, you have a relationship with the individual not with the individual's racial make-up. Matt is his own person, I see him as such which means because he and my ex-husband share the same racial background it does not make them the same people or even similar people. In fact, Matt is a 360 degree change from my ex-husband, he's the total opposite of him.


The reason I'd like to reassure some men and women of this and especially black women is I don't want us to believe the hype. White men and men of other races are not all the devil nor are they all your saviors. They are an option in the dating world. And for men who are trying to date black women, we are not all the same so stop believing everything you see on television and BET videos. Stereotyping is lazy, non-critical thinking and it needs to stop. I don't begrudge anyone marrying or dating mono-racial, that is your choice. I do, however, begrudge people telling other people who they need to love or see as possible potential mates. I want for my nieces and nephews to have the options and possiblity to find someone that will treat them well, love, respect and appreciate them. I am so glad and blessed that my family loves me enough to understand that Matt loves me and I love him, we treat each other good, and we're happy. I wouldn't dare be so callous and cruel not to want that for the people that I love just because someone was a different race. In that case, would I really love them?

I say go out there and find the relationship that makes you happy. But know that will be like any other relationship and only special because you and that person make it special. It will be figuring out where to move, how much money to spend a new tv, how to budget for the bills, what to make for dinner or should we go out, what work was like today, the person that cut you off in traffic, whether that dress looks good, getting gas for the car, putting the toilet seat down, your new beautiful haircut, where to go on vacation, and just all the small things that make up life. But in the process maybe we can make some of the racist mad. They deserve some tweaking. I am a little evil sometimes. Hehe.

Letting the Crap Go: the Black Hair Edition

Now, I've done a post on 'Letting Go of the Crap' before and really it's one of my favorites. As I get older I really do enjoy letting go of crap arguments, philosophies, opinions, pc ramblings. I really do have enough going on and don't want to waste my time on simpleton nonsense about something that I have no control over and ain't changing anytime soon. This edition is all about black hair, specifically black women's hair. I've wrote about this before but this seems an issue that won't die. So I'd like to officially kill it, at least for me, with this post.

Boy, if I have to hear one more debate about what black women should do with there over-politicized hair I'm going to start tearing my hair out. The reason I'm writing about this is because I saw a wonderful article over at an online mag I read frequently, Madame Noire, on The Biggest Myths About African-American Hair although Mademe Noire can be a little ridiculous with the articles this one by Veronica Wells was done especially well. It was simple, to the point, addressing misconceptions about African-American hair and telling the truth that no matter what you have kinky or curly, nappy and natural, relaxed and released all hair is good hair if you take GOOD care of it. I'd like to drill that into folks heads. I've had my hair in so many styles it's ridiculous, take a look





























These are all from the last couple of years. Whew! Huh? I like to switch it up, keeps it fresh. The last picture is of my and my little brother. But see how versatile black hair is and instead of celebrating that and enjoying it and going with it, we're forever arguing over it like stupid ninnies. Maybe I'm just on the internet too much and see way too many people with way too much time on their hands and drama in their lives. But I just don't get it. It's your hair and you have to pay the cost for taking care of or not taking care of it.

I go to a professional to take care of my hair, hey she's educated on it I'm not so I trust her and she takes good care of my hair. My stylist is a white chick, I was little unsure at first but she's awesome. I like her, she's on time, and I always look fabulous when I raise up from her chair and am able to take care of my hair afterwards till I see her again. Black women's hair is a billion dollar business and we're all so anxious and freaked out about what we are presenting to the world. I have seen some women and wanted to scream 'girl, get your weave straight' or 'would you wash that stuff'. I don't care what you do to your hair but please try to look presentable in whatever state your hair is in.

I really do love my hair, it's some awesome hair. It's thick and luxurious, it grows really well, soft and shiny, my sister in law once asked me if it was weave. I had to laugh, because her child has my hair. I do struggle with my hair at times like every woman but really it's one of my best assets when I treat it right. I'm thankful to the Hair gods I got this hair, this is my grandmother's hair and she had cancer in the 1960's and did some fo' real chemo and never lost a strand, yea I got some bomb ass hair. No it's not like caucasian hair but really some white chicks got some jacked up hair and I wouldn't trade theirs for mine. People are jealous of my hair because I can do so much with it and I like that. Instead of complaining and tearing each other down about whether we should leave it natural or relax it, try getting a hobby or finding something more constructive to do. I say when people stop making mountains out of molehills, the molehills soon disappear.

But what is that you say? Everybody is talking about your black hair, family and friends are downing you for going natural, white people don't get your weave, folks are saying you're a sell out trying to look European because of your perm, well I say tell those folks to SUCK IT! It's your damn hair and if they aren't paying for it, they need to close their traps.

This issue is really a non-issue and if we just stop making out like our hair is about to save or bring down the whole social structure of the black community, maybe we could get on to more pressing matters.

You know I do love my hair and I love when Matt runs his fingers through it. For my wedding I've decided to see how long I can let it grow. I'm not big on long hair and it hasn't been long since I was in high school but I'm trying it to see what happens. And really in all of this I just want black women to take a moment and...breath. It's okay about your hair, you can be proud of whatever you have on your head whether you grew it or bought it. This is still a free country and you still have a choice in how you live your life and how you rock your hair, exercise it!

Star's Favorite...Movies-North by Northwest

I am a movie addict and love everything there is to love about going to or watching movies. I like sharing what I love and intend to so on this blog.

Northwest by Northwest is on the list of my top ten favorite cinematic nuggets. I am huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and try my best to know every possible thing there is know about his work. In my list of favorite Alfred Hitchcock's movies this one is number two, I'll do a blog on my number one at some point. IMDb gives this short synopsis of the movie

A hapless New York advertising executive is mistaken for a government agent by a group of foreign spies, and is pursued across the country while he looks for a way to survive.

But it is so much more than that, it's a sophisticated, funny, glamourous, action, and love story starring one of the best actors of our time, Carey Grant and Eva Marie Saint ain't looking too bad standing next to him. And the wonderfully sinister James Mason is brillant, the man nearly stole the whole movie from Carey Grant and that is not an easy feat. I love James Mason's voice and I must say he had the best lines in the movie, "You make this very room a theater" and "That wasn't very sporting, using real bullets". It's fantastic, most people know the movie from the famous scene out in the field where a anonymous bi-plane is bearing down on Carey overhead trying to kill him. But the great scenes are numerous. I'm a huge fan of movies made during this period in the Panavision/Cinemascope style. The color and scope of these movies is just fantastic. I recently saw this movie at a small local theater that shows many classic films, if you think it's good on the small screen you ought to see it on the big screen.




I love this movie so much, Carey Grant is spectacular as usual playing Carey Grant. He was such a good looking man even as an older man, listen even when this man was in 70's with a head full of white hair and he was still hot. How many men can attest to that? They don't make them like that anymore in Hollywood. The action and adventure was spectacular but the love story between the charming Roger O. Thornhill and Eve Kendall was great and the scene with them on the train where they go round and round kissing was so sexy. This shot technique was used by Hitchcock frequently when his main characters kissed and it is brillant, since they were on train and the cameraman couldn't do a round shot of Carey and Eva, he made them go around and around kissing for a similar effect.

Some of the things about this movie that you may not know unless you're a rabid fan like myself are the scene in the field was filmed in Bakersfield, California. The United Nations does not let folks film in it's building, so Hitchcock employed guerilla style filming and filmed Carey Grant from across the street in a truck when he walks up the The United Nations steps unknown to the guard standing there in the scene. The actual scene with the inside of the U.N. building was a soundstage. The woman who played Carey's mother, the wonderful Jessie Royce Landis was younger than Carey Grant. The scene of Mt. Rushmore was a soundstage built to look like Mt. Rushmore when the U.S. Forest Service thought Mr. Hitchcock had plans to have actors running all over the National Monument they suggested he go back to England and have them run all over Big Ben. Mr. Hitchcock never had any intention of filming that scene on Mt. Rushmore. Who would insure them with all the danger? LOL. The end of the movie with Carey and Eva on the train after just getting married is very suggestive for 1959, the train going into the tunnel is a visual metaphor for...well just guess.

If you're a classic movie fan and have never seen this movie, I suggest you rent it. You'll enjoy the heck out of it. If you have seen it, you should understand why I love it so much. The acting, the costumes, that Eva Marie Saint in the black and red dress in the hotel scene is breathtaking, the scenes, and the story just make it one of Hitchcock's finest moments as a director. You won't regret watching it, I think I can guarantee that.

I Think I'm Becoming a Trekkie

Matt loves Star Trek: The Next Generation, we watch it almost religiously. So everytime it's on BBC America we catch it and any other station it happens to be on, 2 others so far. Here's where my descent into Trekkieness begins. I've become a bit obesessed with the show. And since it's been cancelled all the repeats come on regularly and so I'm always looking for a show I've never seen. When we watch together Matt's fills me in on who's who and their back story and I love it. So now I find myself looking for Star Trek: TNG on televison. I know it comes on at 1 am on a station called JoeTV here in Seattle. I also have figured out that occasionally you can find it on SyFy but you have to look diligently. I've become familiar with the characters and actually have those that I like, I'm particularly partial to Data, not sure why but I just am. Maybe because I find him the most likable character on the show, very forthright without all the extra emotional drama. Although he is programmed in all forms of lovemaking, yea let's see a real man say that LOL. Now Matt doesn't really know how much I'm becoming addicted to Star Trek: TNG, I believe he thinks that I just tolerate it because he likes it. But he couldn't be more mistaken, although I'm not about to tell him anything. I very much enjoy the show and look forward to catching it when I can.

I have now become so addicted to it, I'm familiar with all the main characters and their backstories. It's become a enjoyable moment to just turn off my mind and watch some folks be beamed up and shoot fake lasers at each other and get into some supposedly dangerous but innocuous situations.



The ever present Capt. Jean Luc Picard, I'm digging on Patrick Stewart because of his bald head, he's a little ego driven but an able captain. Commander Riker, the pimpilicious, yea I said it pimpilicious, ship's playboy. Jonathan Frakes is a good looking man with those light eyes and dark hair, he's the type of guy that's hot but not impossibly hot. You know, the type that if you saw him you'd be attracted but you'd know that had a chance to get him with because he's kind of out of shape LOL. You know he's got a bit of a gut. Of course, we can't mention Riker without mentioning Counselor Deanna Troy, Matt went into a long explanation of the character being a Betazoid and what that meant and when they got married they did in the nude. He was most explanatory about Deanna Troy's character he also told me he had a little crush on the actress, Marina Siritis, who plays her back in the day. I could understand that, that skintight onsie catsuit uniform ain't helping. Even in the future women are all thin sex objects but at least they're smarter. You already know I love Data, played by Brent Spiner and lo and behold he's from my hometown, Houston no wonder I got a little something for him, a Texas boy.



The show is rife interplanetary struggles but everyone seems to be in another struggle with their relationships, it's really interesting. Lt. Commander Jordy LaForge is the quintessential black nerd, man I always feel bad for his character, he has no game whatsoever and has some weird shades. Commander Riker, our interstellar lady's man he is bedding every female life form known in the universe and the females life forms are loving it. I love the idea of inter-lifeform swirl, very interesting. Capt. Picard, who's so smooth but he never goes too far with the ladies, he and Dr. Crusher seem to have an on again, off again flirt and I've even seen him give a little bit of the sidelong glance at Whoopi Goldberg's character, Guinan. Even Wesley Crusher, our boy wonder gets a little action. Lt. Worf, well what can I say, someone can hopefully get over the head. I have never sat through the movie versions of the show but maybe one day Matt and I can curl up on the couch and have a Star Trek: TNG film festival. Can you become a Trekkie from living in close quarters with one? I wonder but I must say I love our time bonding over the show.

Please Keep It Germane

And when I say germane, I don't mean Jackson. I love that word, I used it today in class with the students that I teach paralegal studies to, they asked what it meant. You may be asking to so I'll do you a favor and get the dictionary out.

ger·mane   /dʒərˈmeɪn/ [jer-meyn]
–adjective
1. closely or significantly related; relevant; pertinent: Please keep your statements germane to the issue.
2. Obsolete . closely related.

I like blogging but have come to discover that maybe I need to lay down some house rules. Now I'm not a fan of rules because, of course, I believe that adults should be free to express themselves but expression means different things to different people I've gathered. After having to delete a comment made and I really hated doing it but had to, I figured out that I want things on my blog to be germane to the subject. I love a good argument but at least let it be relevant to what is being actually discussed. So it's time for me to let those who come here to read and comment know what this blog is and what it is not and what may be up for grabs.

This blog is:

a space for me to talk about crazy stuff I see in life

a space to promote IR dating and relationships

a space to talk about the woes of wedding planning

a space to ogle really fine men

a space to be a little silly

a space to speak of the love and pride I have in my family and you in yours

a space to help women heal, overcome, and be more powerful

a space to sometimes let people cry on your shoulder or kick you in the pants if you need it, that goes for me sometimes too

a space to talk about my love of everything that is television

a space to share some of my new adventures (I'm snowboarding soon)

a space to try to motivate people to do better and be different, it's a good thing

a space for me to tell a little about what I think is so special about my fiancee, Matt. I promise I won't make you upchuck. LOL.

This blog is not:

a space where I or anyone else will villify or deify any man (there are lots of blogs that do that, if you want to participate in that go there)

a space where people will be promoting their own agendas, this is my blog any agenda promoting will be done by me, if you want to promote an agenda either pay me or get your own blog

a space where people will be disrespecting others, any disrespecting will be done by me and if I do you deserve it

a space where people are patronized. I hate pandering to people or people pandering to me it's an insult and treats people as if they are stupid

a space where I'm teaching IR for beginners, I'm old hat at interracial dating if you have issues, still haven't gained confidence, can't speak correctly, don't know your worth, trying to break out of the hood or collective or matrix or whatever I am not the blog for you. I've been an independent-thinker and promoting my own self-interest for a long time. Also my mother taught me how to speak correctly, carry myself as a lady and with decorum (although don't do it all the time LOL), carry on a conversation with anyone, make people feel comfortable, use all the utensils on the table correctly, and be adaptable as a child. Sorry I'm ahead of some people but I just am.

a space, most definitely, that I am trying to promote myself as a savior for grown black women, worthy of worship and ass-kissing because I got a date and they don't.

Stuff up for grabs is done at my discretion.

I certainly welcome people to participate in my blog within these boundaries. I don't think it's asking much. That's it. I'm done. Period.

Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!

Yes, time to pant and ogle ladies. Although I am getting married, I have never claimed to be blind. I think human beings are built to appreciate beauty and when we don't it goes against our nature. Now as a woman, I do notice good-looking men but my eyes don't have to linger long for me to size up a guy and detect where all his birthmarks are located. LOL. So appreciate the hawtness for a little while.








This his hotness himself, Johnny Depp, what can I say about this man, he is fair pretty. I really do think he has some delicate features for a man. I just love him in his glasses, I love a man in glasses. I recently saw him in The Tourist with Angelina Jolie, I know it was slow for some but it reminded me so much of Charade with Carey Grant and Audrey Hepburn. I just want to look for a moment, please ladies enjoy. I will be doing this every once and awhile so please give suggestions for Lawd Have Mercy, He Hot!

Sometimes...It's You

I'm going to be writing a regular blog post entitled "Sometimes..." with words following that happen sometimes and hopefully that may impart wisdom onto someone. I love passing on and I love gaining wisdom. I don't think people listen enough and they definitely talk too much. So the little bit of wisdom I have I've decided to pass on to those who will listen. Now, this may not help some people but for those who can use it, please take it and make the most of it. This wek's post is concerning, maybe it's just you.



As a woman who has date interracially, mostly white men but other races also, I get a lot of request for advice on how to snag a white guy. Really, I have no idea; white men are not some aliens that you need special instructions on how to handle. They are men like any other man and for the most part react and do whatever it is men do. For me most men consist in large doses of what we call ego, even the most soft-spoken, sweetest, gentlest man in the world will go all ego caveman on you when the right buttons are pressed. So when black women ask me, how I've come to date all these guys of varying hues I usually just say 'because I wanted to'. There's really no magic bullet when it comes to dating interracially, I'm kind of tired of people saying there is. All things with dating and mating are up to you. I dated my ex-husband for almost 3 years before we got married, still got divorced because we were just not the people that belonged in a marriage together. It wasn't that he was no good or I was no good, we just weren't good for each other. Now, that did not make me want to stop dating white men, usually we have always had more in common than most other men I've dated. So I learned a lesson, did some self-reflection, tried to overcome those things that were not useful about myself (I'm still doing that) and moved on to date/mate again. As you know I met someone wonderful, Matt, and this year we are getting married.




See isn't he cute, just look at that face makes me want to eat him up with a spoon. Don't mind me cheesing on the side.

But before I met him and after my divorce, I dated a little. I had not dated in almost 12 years an the last time I had I ended up with my ex-husband so maybe I had skills that needed honing. When I first started to date, I just had the worst luck ever with men. They had problems and wanted me to join them in those hot messes and try to make the most of it. I was so not onboard with that, uh-unh! I decided after a couple of really bum experiences to look at the one common denominator in this factor, although the men I dated had changed (in appearance and name); something about ME was still the same. There was something going on with me that I would attract people that I didn't want in my life. Something about me kept attracting these folks, who were either wishy-washy about committing, at least committing to me or men who were narcissistic, hell I'd just gotten rid of a narcissist, my ex-husband, I didn't want another one or wanting me to come and play co-dependent with them. I had to do somethng about me.

Now in the scheme of things doing something about you is just so much easier than trying to change the world. So when I hear women, especially black women complain about not being able to find quality men of varying hues because they live in (insert whatever city) or the men are not man enough to speak up to make a move or they as women aren't the right weight or height or skin hue or don't have the politically correct hair I call 'Shenanigans' (that my way of saying BS). When I say 'it's you' I don't mean it's the outer you, I mean it's the inner you, although there is nothing wrong with improving your outer self. I have seen combinations of men and women that sometime make me look twice and wonder how that happened but I really get to know them; I see how it's the inner person that hooked the other person and even I get charmed by their attractiveness. In our world of attempting to shift blame to everyone but ourselves when things go wrong, we have lost our power to improve those things that we can. I'm not saying everything in your life is your fault, many times it's not but many things you can change to make things better for yourself. I mean doing some deep soul-searching, no one ever wants to be introspective and it takes a lot of courage to do it. This searching could reveal what you may be attracting and what you're not attracting. Like attracts like, that's my take on the universe. Not just in looks but like in character. When I decided to look at myself and not look at outsiders, I empowered myself to be different, react differently and I still have to challenge myself about that daily. Being busy changing the outside or surroundings hoping to attract the man of your dreams is a waste of time, when you keep the inside the exactly the same. And please don't say 'well I'm nice, fit, good-looking, what's wrong with me?' That's a cop out and certainly not going deep enough. We all have things about us that are useless, we can be vindictive, mean, jealous, controlling, always wanting to be right, dismissive, cold, petty, bitter, bad attitude, unfriendly, arrogant, prideful, weak, passive, confused and that's just scratching the surface. No one is perfect but if you feel like you have an issue, maybe you ought to seek help in trying to change it. I don't care how you do it, but change is a good thing. This world cannot be 'my way or the highway'. You just cannot move to a new city or country thinking it's all going to be groovy and gravy when your inner self is still the same, because when you move, when you change your hair, when you lose weight, THE INNER YOU IS STILL PRESENT. That hasn't changed unless you've decided to change it. If you're not having the love life you desire, I'm gone put that on you because that's the way it's going to change.

I Know What Chili Wants

The second season of 'What Chili Wants' premiered last night on VH1, actually I really loved the show the first season. If you didn't watch it was about Chili from the group TLC looking for love in Atlanta using a sort of matchmaker, by the name of Tionna Smalls. Now Miss Tionna was bit over the top but she did get the job done and went out to scout out some nice, sexy guys for Chili to meet and get to know. At the end of last season Chili was left with two choices, Farmer Darren (who I personally thought she should have gone for) and Bill, now they were both sexy as all get out and surprisingly they were both white guys. I must say I enjoyed that portion of the show, it showed a black woman really exercising her options in dating which doesn't happen much when black women and love are involved. In the end she picked Bill but woe is me that relationship didn't have the sparks and fizzled. Sorry Bill, I really was pulling for ya! Now Chili and Miss Tiana (newly engaged) are back to try to find the really super-picky Chili what she wants. Well maybe someone didn't get the note, because it looks like it's already been revealed. I picked this tidbit up from another blog that I found and now love A Crush A Day it's on my favorites list, check it out. There was a photo of Chili and her date recently, so I'm about throw salt all in the show's game and if you don't want to know, too bad you shouldn't have read this post. Here he is:

Isn't he dreamy? When I saw him I audibly gasp, this man is fine and lucky bitch that she is Chili gets him to herself. Now he's going to appear on the show and I hate to tell the end before it begins but I think you'd want to know especially when it ends like this. I don't know the hunk-o-rama's name but I'm trying to find that out but he looks very protective of his lady love. They do make a very handsome couple. What I do know about him is that he has a preference for black women and looks like Chili has a preference too. LOL.

I'm going to say this and I hope it doesn't upset anyone but if it does, too damn bad. I'm always excited when I see black women exercising their options in mates, in the U.S. black women at a rate of almost 50 percent have never been married and that's a shame. I know a lot of wonderful, talented, funny, dynamic, smart and successful black women who deserve a mate. So I love to see famous black women exercising their dating options and I hope black women would do that. I'm not insisting black women date white men, but I am insisting that black women open themselves to every possibly in a mate and make sure he's a good one no matter what color he is. Now, although I think I've told what is going to happen at the end of the show, I'm still going to watch it. I want to see what happens with the dynamic between Chili and Floyd Mayweather, who in my opinion is stringing her along. I just read a wonderful article in The Economist called Isn't This Called Playing Hard to Get on how it's really intriguing with men and women when you're not sure how someone feels about you romantically, in that case you really want to know and are really attracted to that person and when you do find out how they feel, either you move into a relationship or you're not as attractive as you thought you were. I think in the case of Mr. Mayweather, she's attracted to the intrigue of not really knowing how he feels about her. I'm not a fan of game-playing but looks like he lost that game anyway, oh well.

I'll probably be writing about the show again, at some point. I hope those that watch it enjoy even though I've spoiled the ending. I also wish all the luck, love, and happiness to Chili and her man.

Oh the Horror of Picking a Wedding Dress!

I have a dilemma, I don't know what to do about my wedding dress. I actually picked one out, put the payment down on it and then decided I didn't want it. I've actually bought a dress and once I got it home, I didn't like it so much anymore. I'm usually not wishy-washy, well kinda sorta LOL. But really I'm not, I just do not know what to do about this. I'm a little bit all over the map with this decision.



As some of you may know and if you don't you know now, I was married previously for almost 9 years. In my first marriage we went to Vegas and got married. It was sort of quick and little bit or maybe alot of dragging people down the aisle, I learned my lesson about that *rolls eyes* but the decision was quick and putting the wedding together was quicker and the choosing of the wedding dress was lightening fast. I bought a hot pink tafetta long skirt and hot pink sweater with jeweled neck, didn't take but a minute. But marrying Matt is different, I'm so excited to be his wife and he's as excited about the wedding and marriage as I am. I really do want to do a more traditional thing with the dress, I want a white dress. OK, don't gasp, no I'm no virgin bride I know but I'd still like a white dress but I'm just not sure which one. I have a body shaped like a coke bottle and although it's sexy, it's not good for every piece of clothing and I sometimes have issues finding things that will fit right and look good. So yes it has become a bit overwhelming, really the whole wedding thing is bit overwhelming, not the idea of marriage just the whole wedding event. It sometimes makes me want to run away and get married. But I can't do that, people would fall over dead if we did that. So here are some of my choices and please comment.


I'm not trying to look like I belong on top of a cake, I'd like something unique like me. I am also not looking to have to sell an arm and a kidney to afford a dress. I'll probably never be able to wear this dress again, so I'm looking to spend about $500 and you'd be surprised all the cute dresses you find at a reasonable price.

This is the Avila Bay from Dolly Couture, I really do adore this dress. It's just my style that 50's thing going on. Also the designer Dolly Thicke is the sister in law of Robin Thicke, I don't know that just does something for me.


I also like this one by Dolly, the Manhattan.

The two gowns above are from J. Crew. I really love them both they are classy and sexy to me.

I love these two from David's Bridal, classy huh?Layered Tulle Fit and Flare. It actually transforms by removing the bottom of the dress and becomes a short cocktail dress.


I also love the Strapless Taffeta Sheath.

This wedding is in a few months and I still have not made a choice nor am I close to making one, even worse a bunch of these dresses actually look pretty good but nothing has just popped for me. I should not be this undecided about a dress, after a minute or two I'm going to throw on some jeans and keep it pushing. Oh the frustration, the frustration.

Something New for 2011

One of the many things that I'm wanting to do this year is stick to my own business and live a quiet life. Well, one out of two ain't bad. I love to write and I noticed that last year I wrote a lot in other people's blogs, in fact, I wrote all the time in a couple of them. It was a daily occurence in some ways but I want to do something different this year. I want to write in my own blog, I want to share my opinions and things about myself and my life in my own comfortable environment. Yes, I'm tired of people who have bad reading comprehension skills taking what I say and running with it, trying to make a point. Really, I don't really care what people think about what I say and do, this is MY life, not yours. But I do like to share, oddly enough. If you agree great, if you don't, that's fine too, if you try to insult me you'll be kicking rocks. Personally, I've never really cared if people like me just that they respect me, if you can't do that you'll get the horns with me. I'm a smart aleck and extremely sarcastic which can border on mean with some people. But I also like new ideas presented well. I was a paralegal for 10 years so I love a good argument and I don't mean debate, this ain't the high school club. As long as people aren't calling people outside their names, it's all good for me.

Ah but what shall we talk about on here. Well from my previous posts, a little bit of everything. And whatever is on my freaking mind that day. My thoughts can run wild. Now this blog is 'Single Girl in a Weird World' but I'm no longer single, this year some time I will be married but it's still a weird world. I sometimes think 'am I only sane person left?' But I'm sure someone else is thinking that too. My fiancee is white and I'm a big advocate for interracial dating and I'm not really concerned who are the parties participating. This is not a black man bash fest because they date interracial. Personally, I don't care what black men do, that's their business not mine. I'm not so insecure about my choice to date white men that I need to justify it by bashing black men. But I do advocate that black women open up their options and there are many ways to do that. Some I may just explore in later posts. I also live in Seattle, Washington so a lot of my perspective is because I live here but I was born in Houston, Texas so some of my attitude is because I was born there. Since I'm from Seattle, I'm an American so my perspective is from being an American also. I'm not anti-non American and I don't think America is the be all, end all of all time but it's not the devil either. I think most places in the world have some good and some bad so I like to stay as balanced as possible. I'm not a fan of extremes, they seem non-sensical to me. These are just my opinions and in no way, shape or form do I present them as fact for anyone but me. I like different perspectivess and life experiences from other people. Now one of my personal mottos is 'everything people say take what you need and rest of the shit throw out'. So in other words, what I say on this blog take what you can use, the rest the crap I say, kick it to the curb. What I do is not for everyone and won't work for everyone, we must all find our way on this journey.

So enjoy my new blog and more frequent blog post. I am so looking forward to getting people better and people getting to know me better.

The Next Generation of Single Girls

I have two teenage nieces, in fact, I have six nieces two in their early twenties, two teens, and two toddlers. But the two teenagers are so interesting. They are a constant source of wonder, frustration and hilarity to me. They make me remember what it was like to be a teenager, trying to find your way in this weird world. They are the opposite of one another in so many ways, the 14 year old, M is just a practical mama, a minature adult almost with some of the best negotiation skills I've seen in my life. Really they should send this kid to the Mid East she'd straighten it out in a day. She has no time for silliness or useless things but she's got the tastes of Paris Hilton on a shoestring budget. The 13 year old, J, is just an ditz, all around bubble head but I adore her open-minded spirit although she eats nothing but things she's sure about. She's a bookworm, smart, innocent, with her own unique style and she plays the upright bass. They are both very smart and I'm extremely proud of them.

They don't live in my city, respectively M is from California, Bay Area, and J is now living in Houston with my sister in law although she was born here in Seattle. She's a Seattle kid and not liking Texas very much.

They are currently visiting my family here for the holidays. We were riding the other day doing last minute shopping for the holidays and it was them, my mother and my best friend. We were talking about the girls being adaptable young women and that it was vital for them to know how to adapt to different situations that as they get ready to go to college and get out in the world and maybe work globally they needed to know how to be comfortable and make others comfortable in any situation. They also needed to know how to do it graciously, as young black women the expectations are not high for them in the U.S. Black women are not highly regarded and a lot of that is our own fault but I wanted them to know that they don't have to succumb to that image, they can and should strive to be different. They started to tell me about school and preparing for college, checking them out, getting ready to take PSATs and SATs so they could start applying for a good school. I welled with pride, I'm not their mom but I do know I try my best to be a good influence and speak positivity into their lives. I want the image they have of themselves to be healthy and sane so they don't end up falling for the okey doke with some boy when he smiles nice or talks sweet to either of them. Those girls are my girls and I want them afforded every opportunity. I want them to travel the world and see all it has to offer. I want them to know that they do not have to settle when it comes to a future mate, that they are beautiful, brillant black women whom anyone would be lucky to call a friend or family or future wife. J has declared that she sees herself with a white man, I love that these kids aren't stuck with the hang ups many black women have when it comes to dating across the color lines. That's my girl. M has a thing for Brad Pitt, who doesn't? LOL. But whoever they choose I want them to know that they can choose anyone and are worthy of being respected as long as they are respectable. They can exasperate me sometimes but I'm proud to call them my nieces.

O.M.G. Real Housewives of Atlanta is Back

Someone say 'hallelujah'! Because one of my favorite Housewives franchises is back on Bravo!, Atlanta. Now I love me some 'New York' particularly because of the ongoing drama between Bethany and that psycho Kelly. But Atlanta is in a class by itself, this week it premiered and yes this season is going to be good. Let's be honest no one would even watch that show if it weren't for Nene, she could do a show by herself. She is larger than life, literally and figuratively LOL. And of course, this season she came dragging the drama. The big issue her moment, her husband borrowing money from Dwight, now she and Dwight aren't speaking. Wonder how long that is going to last? Also she and Ms. Tardy for the Party, Kim herself, are now the best of friends after she choked her. Man, these chicks are about as deep as a mud puddle. I don't know what keeps me coming back, I guess I like looking a train wrecks, it's gross and disgusting but I can't pull my eyes away from it. Am I contributing to downfall of American civilization? Oh well, if so, I'll go out laughing my ass off.
The other housewife that looks like there may be much interest in is Phaedra, the powerhouse Atlanta attorney, whose married to a man that just spent six years in prison for racketeering. She said he's just like Martha Stewart, I say hell to the naw he's not. Martha Stewart is a white woman with some power even in prison, he's just some anonymous black dude, that probably got indicted for racketeering charges because of drugs. Yea, I know what racketeering means, I ain't stupid. I do find it insanely stupid for a successful black woman to attach herself to a man that's not even her equal in any form or fashion. Are we that damn desperate to be down with the brothers, geez whiz.
So, we'll see what happens. On the previews it looks like Nene and Kim will once again be taking it to the Thunderdome, I cannot wait. Oh, I'm so bad.

My Solutions Re No Wedding, No Womb

I'm no psychologist, no politician, not even that great of an organizer of people of like mind. But I wanted to write and down and share some of my solutions when it comes to 70% fatherless rate in the black community. Christelyn Karazin introduced this movement last week, it premiered on the internet at the http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/ website. Although I may differ with some of the 100+ or so bloggers there on how we got here, I do agree that now that we are here something needs to be done. As I look at my beautiful family, my gorgeous teenaged nieces and handsome young adult nephews I begin to see where the solutions begins. It begins with them, no government, no program, no one can step in for a healthy family system. Those kids all belong to two parents, some still married, some divorced but involved in their upbringing. They belong to me, I don't have kids of my own so I see them as mine and we raise them in the real sense of the village. When people started using that saying, 'it takes a village to raise a child' I think they misunderstood it. In this global world, no one cares for the kids in my family more than my family does, no one ever will. As a child myself, after the death of my father it was my family that kept me and my 3 brothers in line. My mother didn't unduly burden my family with our care and upbringing but boy if my grandfather or grandmother saw me doing something wrong, they were on my ass which meant later own my mom would be too.

My nephews went to high school around the corner from my house and I always warned them that if I saw them in the day walking the street when they should have been in school, I would take my car jump the curb and run them over and then get out to kick their butts. It seems a little extreme but it worked those boys never knew where to expect us so they stayed in school, got good grades in AP and now they are in college. They are ALL in college or on their way (not one being a baby daddy another expectation), there is no other expectation in my family, you will go to college, that's it. So it starts with expectations, if you expect things from children they usually follow through they want to make you proud. If you expect nothing, that's usually what you get, nothing.

I'll be mentoring soon, I can't mentor every lost black child. I can't even mentor some but I have some wisdom I'd like to pass on. I have a friend who's 26 years old and I mentor her, she's now a single mom with a dad who has decided that being jackass to her supersedes being a father to his child. They were married and now divorced, we speak alot about learning a lesson from the choices she made with him so she can make a better choice in men she will seek to share her life with later.

I don't care if people think I'm bougie or middle-class out of touch. I'm very much in touch with seeing the results of not picking wisely in a mate or bed-mate. I think of this as a grass roots effort, I have no interest in condoning an after-school program or another community center for black children who are suffering. That only seems like a way for people to glad hand each other for doing nothing of any real substance. I let my nieces and nephews know how proud I am of them, I encourage them, I give them warnings especially my girls they are young and impressionable and at the age that some boy or man (ugh!) will try to convince them that if they just give up their precious bodies he'll love them forever.

I'm a friend of women younger than me about what it really means when guys try to pull the okey-doke with you. I'm almost forty, I've seen and been through enough that I have some wisdom to share and for those that want to listen I'll share it. I'm not concerned with those that think I'm judging, if you don't do something about your own trifling life your legacy will surely judge you more than I ever could. I got a couple of people I'll can start with and if I pass on my wisdom to them, they'll pass it on to their children and their friends. Not everyone will listen to what I have to say but some will and in this fight I truly believe just saving one more black young man or woman from becoming a baby daddy or baby mama is a success.

I Cannot Defend or Condone Foolishness

I don't blog here regularly, not as much as I'd like but sometimes I have things to say that I'd like the world to possibly see and this is one of those times. A person whose blog I regularly read and comment on started a movement yesterday, No Wedding, No Womb. I think it's great and I should have participated but being the lazy person I am and having a kind of busy life I didn't. I wouldn't call myself jumping on the bandwagon but I wanted to comment on some Twitter tweets she's been getting regaring this movement. You can read the articles on http://www.noweddingnowomb.com/ they are compelling and timely. They come from many different sides of the issue but they all want the same thing for out of wedlock rate of pregnancy in the black community to cease, it's at a 70% rate currently which is shameful.

You know as a woman of principle I cannot stand behind and defend or condone foolishness. And the tweets to the person who's started this movement, Christelyn Karazin, have been more than ridiculous, they should be down right criminal. How anyone could defend birthing a child into this world without two parents in stable and loving household (and I don't care if they are hetero and homo-sexual) is just shameful. Children deserve a chance and a good one and having a two parent home with loving parents is a good way to do it. Anyone thinking of laying down with someone else needs to think about that and take precautions if need be. But I also want to say that defending single-parent homes as if it's some kind of viable choice is tantamount to telling people to play Russian roulette with your child's future and you're own life because it's suicide. I know sometimes people make mistakes and those should be forgiven but after one child OOW you shouldn't be having two because at that point it's not a mistake, it's a life choice.