I am planning my upcoming wedding. Matt and I are getting married in September of this year and I'm excited. Now, I'm not big on 'traditional' so this wedding is going to be a small affair with family and just close friends. Matt and I both have large families, his is particularly huge because his father was adopted as a child then as an adult found his birth family and his mom has 4 brothers and a sister, yes it grows exponentially. My mom is an only child with lots of cousins, which means I have lots of cousins. We do share this one thing, we each don't have tons of friends. I'm not saying that as a bad thing, I'm not the kind of person that needs a ton of people that I'm not very close to as friends. Really, give me 2 or 3 people I'm tight with and that's all the friends I need. Matt has his best friend and a couple of other guy friends.
As excited as I am about marrying Matt, I am not excited about the wedding event. As I sat watching television absently in the middle night the other day, it came to me why I'm not.
I was watching a show on either VH1 or MTV, can't really tell those stations apart anymore, called 'My Big Friggin' Wedding'. I've seen it before but it's not something I watch regularly I just hate those shows with the bridezillas and the skanky families. But this particular night they were showing the weddings of two of the show participants. Alyssa and Tyler with the white trash special, her mom and her mom's boyfriend grinding on the dancefloor like they were getting ready to have sex and then since they were totally drunk getting in fight and him calling her all kinds of names one of which, I'd snatch a dude's balls off if he said to me. Alyssa wass also fighting the wedding planner, Tony, then he gets all pissy and starts ripping lights out the wall and packing his stuff up before the wedding is over. She decided she wasn't going to pay him and he told her that he'd sue. Then there was Tammie and Danny, with her guidette butt complaining the whole wedding. Who calls their own wedding awful and ugly? Who does that? She was crying and screeching the whole night about people being mean to her enough that her now husband, Danny, had to tell her to stop that was embarassing him. Personally, I agreed with him. I felt embarassed for her, she looked ridiculous and totally out of control. Wow! Happy wedding day, NOT!!! Watch if you dare.
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I am terrified that if I have a big wedding this will be the end result and there will be no way to avoid it. It's not like I'm saying that someone's family is white trash/ghetto or I'm going to go all apeshit bridezilla on people but potential disaster in any shape or form is what I fear most.
As much as people say, it's your day, do what you like, I don't believe them. I know that people will be sticking their nose in this wedding whether I like it or not. And believe me, when it comes to my nerves I usually have only one good one and if you get on it, it's going to turn out bad and not for me. I can just imagine, the anxiety about things turning out perfectly and I just don't want to deal with that in any way. I'm a bit of a perfectionist so I can see myself being overwrought with worry about all the details, especially those I can't control. I just don't want what happened on this show to happen to me. When I was planning a bigger wedding, not giant just a little bigger the stress started to send me into panic and anxiety attacks. Everyone has a request, you need to invite so and so, this person needs to be in the wedding, why don't you have the reception here or there. I couldn't handle it, so for a moment I called off having any wedding at all and said I wanted to go to the courthouse and screw the formalities. I got over my panic and anxiety and decided against that rash decision. But really I haven't gone back to anything bigger, I can't give any details someone I know may read this. But rest assured whatever people are expecting, that's what is not going to happen. Matt and I have discussed it thoroughly and made up our minds that this is OUR wedding and it's going to be done on OUR terms. I hate to disappoint people but really more than anything, I don't want to be disappointed by having a wedding that turns into a mess like these two because I'm trying to impress some people none of which are coming off a dime. I know it's harsh but it's truth. But my wedding day will be happy one and I will not be accused of being a bridezilla.