Search This Blog

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Want a Love Just Like Theirs

My mom and dad were a great couple. Although my dad passed away almost 30 years ago I can still remember what a great couple they made. My dad wasn't my natural dad he married my mom with three young children, me being one of them and then my little brother came along after they were married. My dad never treated us differently, we were and are till this day his kids. I always say a good man can be a father to his own children but it takes a special man to be a father to someone else's. He and my mom made a hell of couple. They were stylish and good looking people. My mom looks like me or I look like my mom and my dad was a tall, big man and incredibly handsome and he had the best smile ever. My little brother looks exactly like my dad except his tone is lighter, it's sometimes scary to watch him he reminds me so much of my dad. My parents were a loving couple and they loved us and showed us that all the time. My dad was an affectionate man as I remember, he used to tickle me all the time. I also remember standing on his feet while he walked, he was such a giant to me as a child.

I'm glad I got to see their love, as a child I didn't really get all the nuances of it. I just knew they were my parents and they loved each other and loved us. But as I hear my mom talk about my dad now it's amazing. She tells me what good friends they were, that they just didn't love each other they liked each other. When they went to parties and events at friends' homes, my parents would never do the women over here and men over there thing. They'd go and chat up friends but you could usually find them in each other's company and folks joining them. I think other people saw the love that existed between them. Every summer we went on a family vacation usually a drive to San Antonio as a family to stay a week and wear out the hotel pool. But when we got home, my mom and dad would take off on an 'adult' vacation. They'd drive off and leave us with my Aunt and they would have a good time spending time with each other for a week. They knew how to be parents but they knew that they had to maintain a loving husband/wife relationship to have a happy family. Now, my parents would fight and I'm sure everyone saw their parents fight and be upset with one another but the next day it would all be okay. I never felt scared that their marriage would end and neither one of them ever left the house and stayed gone overnight because of a fight.

They were always in each other's corner and would defend one another when the time came. I remember my mother telling me a story about someone at my dad's job making a joke about him when he was getting his paycheck, telling him to 'take it on home to mama' like he was whipped, which is the furtherest thing from the truth. Well that was the wrong thing to say to my dad, he had a bit of a temper and they got blessed out good on that trucking warehouse floor. That's what made my dad a man, he did take his paycheck home to his wife, he paid all the bills in the household too and my mom's pay went to us kids, family vacations and to herself. When my dad had to have surgery and was off of work for awhile with no sick pay, she stepped in and took care of him till he returned to work. When my dad died, when I was 9 years old, it was the saddest day of my life, I was shocked and extremely upset. My mom didn't cry a lot, I think she was trying to be strong for us but for 2 years after that she told when I was older she couldn't go to grocery store because that was something they did and enjoyed together. I remember as a kid for two years we went out to eat almost every day unless we were eating at a family member's house. I guess during that conversation I realized my mom was hurting too, she's never married again or had the desire to marry anyone. I think my dad was the love of her life and she couldn't find anyone quite like him. When she talks about him I see it in her eyes and I hear it in her voice, she loved that man. That's what I want with Matt and what I think I have. My mother adores Matt, she thinks he is the sweetest thing ever and he is. She also tells me he how much he reminds her in many ways of my father, he reminds me of my father too. Maybe that's why I love him so much, maybe that's why I chose him. My dad was the first man I ever loved and his love and influence is felt by me today. Matt has big shoes to fill if he's filling Lionel Green's shoes but I think he can do it. There's a saying, the best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother, my dad did a hell of a job.

Their are many couples we can look to emulate their love but I'm glad I can look at my parents and know what it means to be married to a person and to love that person truly and deeply.


  1. Married… divorced… separated… never together… what does any relationship status have to do with a man's parental duty? Once you’re a father, you're always a father. There is no you in the formula of life anymore. There is always at least one other person standing beside you in that equation. Always. Own that. And never leave that behind.

    Proud to be a Single Dad

  2. That's great to say, Jazzie Casas but my biological dad didn't feel that way. But that's fine because Lionel Green was the best dad ever. I feel sorry for my biological dad he missed out, I feel sorry for any biological parent that decides that their children aren't worth the effort even if they aren't with the other parent.

    But really this isn't about single dads/moms or even parenting. Although my parents did an awesome job. It's about about being married, that's what it's about being married which what I'm about to do in a few months and about having an example of a good marriage to learn from and my parents certainly had that. So I thank God for it.