I’m noticing a trend as I read blogs that are supposedly dedicated to black women’s empowerment or encouraging black women to date interracial and intercultural. They are obsessed with black men, I mean fair obsessed. If black men were feeling bad about themselves all they’d need to do is go to a couple of these blogs and their confidence would a get a boost. I mean talking about something you dislike so much, in a weird way, just reveals your desire to have it. Talking about how black men are into non-bw just makes you seem bitter. I’m sorry if you think it makes you look empowered, it don’t, I know bitter when I see it. Now, I know that isn’t the truth for most of these blogs but really for the majority that how it comes off sounding. Some of the stuff is not even logical, most of it is definitely not reasonable.
You know when I first started back on this blog; I swore on my dad’s grave that it would not turn into this blog that’s a smear campaign against black men. Now, really I could care less about black men and who they date or what they think of me as black woman, don’t care either way. Who the hell are they that I need their approval. They’ve never been on my potential mate radar, so really what they do and who they do it with makes me no never mind. I also think using this strategy alienates a ton of black women, let me tell you why. As much as you may think all black men are DBR and scum of the earth, these women know some black men that they love. I’m not talking about as boyfriend, it may be their dad, grandfather, brother, uncle, cousin, or their son but they know men that they believe are decent men. And you’ve pretty much just told her she’s a goddamned fool for believing that. Now I get the nuance of the DBR thing, yes there are a ton of black men who could use some help and many of them happen to be in our families mine included and I get that all the black men in my family I judge on a case by case basis. The ones that I love that are decent people, I continue to love and support. The others I love from a distance and don’t get involved in their drama but really I’m not so stupid that I can’t tell a good man from a bad one and I can’t negotiate how they will fit into my life accordingly. I also don’t think black women are so stupid, that they don’t get that and the insistence of some well-intentioned bloggers to continually beat you over the head with how dumb you are and how you’ve been living in the ‘matrix’ of the black community and only their words can free you is just downright insulting. I don’t care if your intentions are good, patronizing people is never okay and grown black women patronizing other grown black women is the height of sadness.
I know some of these women have had bad experiences with black men, as husbands and fathers and baby daddies. They made mistakes; they want to help other black women not make that mistake, which is commendable. But a black woman’s interracial dating guide that talks about black men all the time is not helping black women. I don’t mention black men on this blog, in any sort of substance, there’s a reason for that. This blog is about me and me encouraging black to date interracially. If I’m spending 70 or 80 percent of time analyzing all the crap that black men do and have done to you, how is that helping you? I want to help you find the man of your dreams and show you that you can have the man of your dreams with glimpses into my own relationship with Matt. Really we all get that brotha man, done you wrong, but you ain’t over that yet? Because if all the women you’re talking to at your blog are railing on and on about their bad luck with black men and how it’s scarred them for life, really they don’t need you they need a therapist. Now I know I’m probably not going to make any friends in the BWE or BWIR world with this post but that’s okay, I got principles which means sometimes I have to sacrifice friends. For some folks in this part of the blogosphere really it’s just time to let it go and focus on what really matters, the black women you’re trying to introduce to the wide world of dating non-bm and having their own self-interest at heart. Personally, I can do that without ever bringing black men into the conversation, see I’m that good. I know some of these blogs have a lot of readers but I’m sure they could have a lot more if they actually focused exclusively on black women. Because the couple of hundred or thousand you get every once in awhile is really small beans in comparison with all the black women who use the internet. Because constantly telling a woman that all the choices she’s made with men is because she’s indoctrinated and stupid just seems like an unproductive way to help people change their lives. But I don’t know maybe that’s just me.